And when we feel threatened, when we have an idea that we think feels big and important, and then we perceive that he is saying no and shutting that down, you are going to probably put yourself in a fight or flight state. You’re not gonna be thinking clearly. Okay? So we’re just gonna talk about you for a moment. We’re gonna slow things down. Okay, we’re gonna really slow this down so that you understand where you are coming from, and then we’ll get to the husband.

So you have a desire to homeschool your kids because you think that it will make you feel a certain way. Let me explain that. The only reason we ever want anything, anything, anything, is because we think that having that thing or doing that thing is going to give us a feeling that we want.

So predominantly the feeling that we want as moms is to think that we’re doing a good job as moms, and that the kids are gonna be okay. We wanna protect them. We wanna create an environment for them where they are growing and thriving and becoming who God wants them to be.

So your thought for many different factors, I imagine, is if I homeschool the kids, I can allow myself to believe that the kids are thriving and I am a good mom and they’re gonna be okay. And this is true for those of you that have your kids in school and you’re experiencing some things that you don’t like.

And this is true for those of you that have young kids, and you haven’t done any schooling at all. Both of you just have a thought. You’ve painted a story in your mind about what it’s gonna be like to homeschool the kids.

And then when you picture yourself in that story, that version of you is having thoughts that then lead to the feelings that you want. Okay? But our feelings come from our thoughts. And so I want you to imagine right now that you’re homeschooling the kids, whatever that looks like. What are you thinking? What do you think you’re gonna think if you do this?

And what feelings do you think you’re gonna have? I will tell you right now that that is what you’re chasing. That’s what you’re chasing. And that’s not wrong, but I want you to tell yourself the truth because we have no idea what the future is gonna be like. We’re just making it up in our minds.

And so for a lot of women, they are projecting out into the future. They’re guessing that not being in some sort of school and being home is going to lead them to have thoughts that will give them feelings of, I’m a good mom, leads to the feeling of satisfaction, doing a good job at your vocation, pleasing the Lord, stewarding these little souls. Well, and these are good desires.

But I really wanna show you that you’re just guessing. You’re guessing what it’ll be like. Okay. And I’ll tell you what I tell everyone who’s considering homeschooling or putting their kids in school, okay? There are plus and minuses to every schooling choice that we make. Okay. There are hard things, really, really hard things in all scenarios. And then there are really beautiful things in all scenarios.

So the next question that I have for you is, are you talking to the Lord about this? And do you feel like God is calling you to homeschool your kids? A lot of times moms are desiring homeschooling for their kids because of logical reasons, which is totally what I did.

I had a bunch of logical reasons why I wanted to homeschool my kids, and so I was using my thinking brain. You’ll know that it feels different ’cause you’re kind of like up here and you’re like, think, think, think. I’m thinking about homeschooling and here’s the things that I think are gonna be good. And you’re reasoning your way into desiring to homeschool your kids.

Okay? It is a very different feeling than when you are sitting with the Lord and you say, Lord, are you calling me to this? And that is not a logical feeling. You’ll feel it down here in your body, right? I don’t know where the soul lives and how the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, but I know that when I’m talking to the Lord, I feel it down here in my body. I don’t feel it up here in my calculating mind.

And even this, even if you feel like God is calling you to homeschool your kids, and then you think about the future where you’re homeschooling your kids, the thought that you will give yourself permission to have in that future is I’m doing what the Lord wants me to do. And that will lead you to have the feeling of peace.

So whether you got there in a logical way, or you feel like the Lord has put this on your heart to homeschool your kids, I really wanna show you that we are all chasing. A future where we have thoughts that create feelings in our body.

Now, I like that. I want to do what God tells me to do, and I want to walk around believing that I am a person who discerns the will of God and who obeys the will of God. Those are primarily the feelings that I chase, which is, discernment, obedience, and interior peace. I think those are great, but I’m not confused that those three feelings come from the thoughts that I have.

So I am thinking I’m good at discerning the will of God. I talk to him every day. I listen to what he wants me to do, and then that is where I get interior piece from him, from doing what he wants. So explore your reasons for wanting to homeschool the kids and check in with yourself which ones are rooted in fear. ’cause there’s a lot of scary stories out there.

Maybe you’ve even had some experiences that feel dangerous, like your kids are in school and there’s some things happening that you don’t like, and you are scared, and that is valid. But God does not give us a spirit of fear, and we don’t wanna make decisions from fear.

So I want you to notice that you’re feeling afraid, and you could even probably name like, okay, here’s what I’m scared of. But then I want you to kind of set that aside for a moment or invite the Lord into it and say, all right, Lord, I am feeling scared about this. I know this feeling doesn’t come from you, so what do you want me to do?

But I will tell you right now that I coach a lot of women whose kids are in public school, private school, charter schools, specialty schools, or homeschooling their kids, ranging from all the different kinds of homeschooling, okay? All of them see the holes. In the education that their kids are getting.

We cannot educate them on everything. There will be drawbacks to whatever you choose, and there will be beautiful things to whatever you choose. Let the reason that you desire to do something, whether it’s homeschool your kids or put your kids in school or anything, be because you discerned that the Lord was calling you to it.

And it is difficult to discern what the Lord wants you to do when you are really fearful. So if you can set that aside for a moment to really let him in and say, all right, Lord, what do you wanna do? And then trust what you hear.

But then when you’ve gone through this process and you’ve discerned that the Lord has put it on your heart to homeschool your kids, okay, the you that then goes to your husband will be very different because you won’t be afraid. You won’t be panicked and you will say it so calmly, I hope, which is I’ve been praying.

And I really feel like the Lord is calling me to homeschool these kids. And it’ll feel so calm like that. It’ll feel so rooted in trust and peace. And it’s very hard to argue with someone that has the level of confidence of having discerned something from the Lord.

Now, you may say, okay, Sterling, but my husband doesn’t care that I said that. Or maybe he’s not Catholic. Maybe he’s not religious at all, and this discernment process does not sway his opinion about what you should do with the kids. But here’s what I would say to that. God is not a trickster. Okay.

So if you feel like God is calling you to something, I want you to trust that your husband will probably change his heart to match that calling. Now, I want you to be open to the fact that maybe you’re wrong, right? And I pray for that too. I would say, Lord, if I have misheard this, please quiet my desire, my passion, my fire, decrease that for homeschooling and increase my desire for the other thing. I guess keeping your kids in school.

But I do not think that God gives one spouse a calling that he doesn’t give the other spouse. And so if I feel like I want something and my husband isn’t there, I go back to the Lord and I pray that he changes one of our hearts so that we’re on the same page. And I completely trust that he will, that he will change one of our hearts so that we’re on the same page, or that he give me patience around timing.

I have heard so many stories where husbands were like very against homeschooling, and then something happens later and they completely change their mind and say, yeah, let’s pull the kids. It’s time. So maybe you have discerned it correctly, but God is asking you to be patient.

So notice though that the way that we approach this is so different when we feel like God is asking us for something and we trust him, we trust in his timing, we trust in how he brings this about. And we know that he’s with all the players in the story is like I say, what I like to say, he’s with you, he’s with your husband and with each kid that you have.

And then I think the biggest thing to believe is that God will take care of your kids because one of the reasons often that moms wanna homeschool their kids is they’re scared of something bad happening to the kids. And I just wanna say, your kids are gonna be fine. I went through ye old crappy public school and I am here loving the Lord with my whole heart and doing just fine.

And yeah, some bad things happened in school. I was definitely exposed to some things I would not want my kids to be exposed to, and that was the nineties. I don’t even know what shenanigans are happening in school now, but I am also just fine.

So don’t think that you know more than the Lord, right? He’s gonna call you to something that makes sense for your life and he will lead you to something that is possible for you. Sometimes we have to be patient.

But regardless of what he calls you to, I want you to bring your fear down and trust him with your kids, that he designing a childhood for them that is preparing them for the work that he wants them to do. I look and see the really hard things about my childhood and some of the negative things that happened to me make up who I am now, and I wouldn’t be able to do what I do now if I didn’t have those as a reference point, and I’m so grateful for them.

And even though I wish that no one had pain and no one experienced adversity, and we could just all go live in the Garden of Eden, I fully understand that the negative things shape us. And I want all of us as moms to trust that the negative things that happen to our kids are part of their story.

And God is using those to shape them for the work that they need to do. They are his. They are his. They’re not ours. We are just stewarding them for a short time. But these souls are his and he knows what’s best for them. So make sure that you are discerning, homeschooling, and it’s coming from a place of peace and not fear, and that you trust the Lord.

Now let’s go back to the husband. Your husband also has thoughts and ideas and woundedness. And so he might be totally freaked out about you homeschooling your kids and they may not even be logical reasons. He also is just thinking thoughts that are leading to the feelings that he has.

So he might be thinking, oh no, if we homeschool the kids, they’re gonna be super weird. They won’t know how to make friends and they won’t be able to get jobs. And as the husband, he’s thinking, I want to raise these kids in order, particularly the boys, to like grow up and be able to go out and get jobs and provide for their families.

And so he’s thinking about that and he’s worried about them not being able to do that. And he may not even be articulating that to you. He may just say no. But if you come in with gentleness and softness and you say, tell me what you’re worried about. Tell me what your reasons are, then you can listen to his heart.

I find that when we are scared and freaked out, we come in being defensive and kind of prickly. And we poke them a lot and we challenge them and we’re angry. And oftentimes husbands just shut down then and, and then you won’t even get to hear what the reasons are. And so I want you to come to him with gentleness and openness and just listen to him. This is not the time to try to change his mind. Just listen.

And then I want you to encourage him to pray about it and tell him, I love you and I trust you, and I know that you want what’s best for the kids too. We both want that. And right now we think that each of our ideas, schooling at home or schooling somewhere else is the best thing for the kids.That is the thing that you guys have in common meet there.

But then you’re gonna say, I just really feel like God has put this on my heart, so I just want you to pray about it. I trust you. I love you. That is a very different conversation than most of us have because most of us are having conversations with our husband rooted in fear.

So I want you to trust the Lord. I want you to get clear with the Lord because that might show you that the Lord is not calling you to homeschool your kids right now, and then I want you to trust that. But if he is calling you to homeschool your kids, then I want you to trust that He then wouldn’t give you a husband that said no.

And so it may be a matter of timing, but God is not a God of confusion or division. He’s not a trickster. He would not put something strong on the wife’s heart and not on the husband’s heart, with no resolution there. I really believe that. So I want you to trust that both of you’ll come to the truth and the truth will be on. You’ll be on the same page there.