What if the most important goal you could set as a Catholic mom isn’t productivity, patience, or perfection — but interior peace?

We only get one motherhood. One season with these kids. One life to live inside our homes. And yet so many moms are measuring success by how much they got done today instead of how they felt living it.

In this episode, I share what I believe should be the mission of every Catholic mom — and it might surprise you.

We talk about:
* Why productivity and patience are the wrong measuring sticks
* What interior peace actually looks like in daily motherhood
* How to make peace your North Star (even on hard days)
* Why this one shift changes your parenting, your marriage, and your prayer life

If you liked this episode, you’ll also enjoy:

 The Only Thing You Really Need as a Catholic Mom
 2 Keys to Interior Peace Every Catholic Mom Needs
 The Feeling Every Mom Is Chasing (And How to Find It)

This mission — interior peace — is exactly what Mary’s Heart Martha’s Order is built around. If you want a community that helps you pursue peace as a real, daily practice, come join us at catholicmomcalm.com/marysheart

And to discern his will for our lives. There’s so many things that go into it. My entire channel is really just about all those different things, but today I just really wanna convince you that. Your barometer for success, if we’re gonna use that word in motherhood, should be your state of internal peace or not. 

It’s kind of like a thermometer and we’re like moving up stressfully with the thermometer. And then we’re like bringing it back down, right? And we’re constantly going through this process, but I want the intention for your whole day to be to check in with yourself and kind of go, oh, where am I at? on interior piece?

So let me tell you the four steps. Step number one is being aware of whether you’re in a stress state or not. So a stress state is, really strong, intense emotion like anger or sadness or fear. Like a really intense negative emotion. We’ve heard it said fight or flight or fight. 

So we’re like fighting. We’re leaving, we’re freezing. Fawning is one actually, that’s a stress state where we’re so scared of something bad happening that we’re like, we love you so much. Here’s your toy. You can have whatever you want. We’re like fawning all over someone because we’re scared. 

A really easy way to tell is, is there tightness in your chest? A lot of women are just walking around with like constant tightness in their chest and shallow breathing, and that shows you that your body thinks that there’s danger around, and it’s like in an alert, heightened state.

You’re being really vigilant. You’re like, there’s something scary in the woods. And so I’m always kind of looking around. You have this sense that you’re like behind, you’re forgetting something or something’s wrong with you, or it might feel really heavy, like hopelessness or defeat, guilt, right? I’m screwing everything up. I’m never gonna catch up. These big, big feelings. 

So step one is just noticing, oh, I’m in one of those states, right? We don’t even check in with ourselves to ask. We just live as if the feelings are happening to us and we have no choice about it. But that’s not true. I’m gonna show you how that’s not true. 

So I just want you, step one is just to be like, oh, I’m in a stress state, okay? You have to be checking in with yourself. To notice that you’re in a stress state, you can’t be like checked out or numb. 

And we do that. We kind of dissociate, we like fly outside of our brain and we’re just living in this foggy state because it’s painful. What we’re feeling and we don’t wanna feel that. So we leave our minds a little bit. 

That’s another version of a stressed aid. It feels quiet, but you’ll know because I’ll be like, Hey, how are you feeling? And you’re like, I don’t know how I’m feeling. Right? Like, you’ve really checked out of your body. 

So as you begin to do this work and you listen to more of the tools that I’m gonna give you. You just first have to notice what is my current state? Am I in a stressed state? And for most of you, the answer for most of the time is, yes, I’m in a stress state. 

Okay, so that leads us to step number two, which is you’ve gotta calm down. We’re not gonna ask why. We’re not gonna roll around in our childhood. We’re not gonna even pray at this point. Okay? You’ve gotta calm down. 

And the way that you calm down is by convincing your brain and your body that you are safe right now. And for some of you praying might make you realize that you’re safe. But for a lot of you actually need to give yourself a biological I’m safe pep talk before we move into praying.

So if that’s the case, right? You just need to be like, Hey, Sterling, I love you so much. Oh, it seems like you’re really worked up about something. But I want you just to breathe deeply and we’re just starting to breathe deeply and we’re looking around and you just tell your brain, Hey, this is intense right now, but you’re totally fine.

So I’ll give you a couple examples. Maybe you’re driving in the car and you’re dropping kids off at school and you’re thinking about all the things that need to get done for the day. Maybe you’ve got a birthday party on Saturday and you’re trying to be prepared for that, and you’re starting to feel like worked up about it.

Your brain thinks that you’re gonna die. Your brain is like, Hey, listen, there’s definitely a tiger in the backseat and it’s about to come forward and just like eat your face. That’s biologically what’s happening in your body. And so you need to just be like, Hey boo, look at me. Look at me. I love you. We’ve got a lot on our plates right now. It’s totally fine. 

You’re really safe in this moment though. I need you to breathe deeply. You’re completely safe and taken care of. God is with you. Everything is okay. So this is how we calm ourselves down biologically. And then I find that I’m in. The state where I’m ready to pray and I can open my heart up to the Lord.

Some of you, let’s say, praying the rosary is really soothing for you. Same thing like if a tiger is really chasing you, you’re not gonna stop and pray the rosary slowly. And so for some of you might be able to jump straight to the prayer piece. 

And so we’re just hail Mary full of grace. The Lord is with you. And we’re like starting to say that, and it’s bringing your stress levels down. You will be able to feel it in your body. Because this is a biological response, okay? That you’re in a stress state and your cortisol is really high in your system and your heartbeat is fast, and we’re breathing shallowly. That’s what we’re trying to change. 

So you’re gonna bring it down and you’re either gonna give yourself a biological pep talk, which is just like, Hey, there is a lot. But you’re okay. Or for some of you. You can jump straight to prayer. 

Now a tricky situation is when you’ve got a lot of little kids and a lot of noise happening around you, and so let’s say you’re like holding a teething 18 month old who’s like clingy and crying, and then you’ve got a 5-year-old and a 7-year-old, and they’re bickering, and you’ve got like a 12-year-old who is not doing their chores or something, okay? 

And there’s a lot of noise in the house, and maybe it’s been noisy the whole day. And that is a sensory input that’s happening on the outside. Okay, so that’s real, right? So for example, if you put your hand on a hot stove and you burn yourself, I’m not gonna be like, just tell yourself that you’re safe and just give yourself a lovely, soothing pep talk. 

Like that was a real external, happens to your body thing, but you can increase your tolerance to noise. I have a video on that. You can increase your tolerance. To things that are real that are happening so that you can stay calm while they’re happening, right? 

So you can just be like, Hey girl, oh, this kiddo’s crying. Those kids are bickering that kid’s not doing their chores. It’s okay. I love you. This is a lot right now, but you’re totally safe. Your body is safe. There’s no harm here. You are made to be a mom. You can handle this. God is with you. Like, what do we need? 

And I might take that. Crying baby. And I might go outside my front door just to get some fresh air in my face. I still got this crying kid. You gotta be a mom, right? Some ages are just like, there’s no getting out of just like caring for them. That’s your job right now. And, but I’m outside and I’m just like feeling the breeze on my face and I’m listening for birds. You can almost always hear birds wherever you are. And I’m just like, this is okay. 

Because again, your brain, no joke is wired to be like, this is a problem and you’re gonna die, but it’s wrong. It’s wrong, and you can tell that it’s wrong, and you can say, this is an intense moment right now, and there is a lot of noise, but I am okay and it will not be forever.

Sometimes we’re just fighting so hard for nap time every day, right? And we’re just fighting for that like 30 to 60 minutes where the baby’s sleeping, but you will get some time. This isn’t who you are. This isn’t how your life is gonna be all the time, but you can do this. So step number two is just calming you down. There’s many, many ways to calm you down. I haven’t done a video on that, but I probably will. Lemme just make a note of that. Calming down.

Okay, so then you could just stop there, by the way. If I could just get every Catholic mom on the planet to recognize when she’s in a stress state and to breathe and use whatever tools she needs to calm down so her body no longer biologically thinks that she’s in danger, all of you would improve your life significantly. We could just like full stop right there. I have so much more for you, but I’m just telling you, if you only do steps one and two, your life will be so much better. 

But the next step. Step number three is awareness. Now that our prefrontal cortex is back online. Because when you’re in a stress state, the brain redirects the blood to the primal part of your brain. That’s like shut down all non-necessary systems and get the heck outta here so you don’t die. 

Okay? So we’re kind of dumb when we’re in a stress state, but then when you calm yourself down and your brain comes back online, then you can problem solve what’s going on. But you have to then first before problem solve, just have some awareness about what was happening.

So you might go, I’m noticing that on Wednesdays when I put everyone in the car at three and we go to religious education, that they’re a little hungry, but it’s not time for dinner, and there’s a lot of extra fighting in the car. And the three year olds still really isn’t good at putting shoes on yet.

Like you begin to see the problems and then you can create solutions for them. Systemic solutions like, okay. When we leave on Wednesdays, I’m gonna make sure I have string cheese for everybody. Everybody’s gonna get a string cheese, that’s easy. 

And then I’m gonna have the older kid be in charge of putting shoes on the younger kid. And I’m gonna trigger us getting ready to get in the car 15 minutes earlier than we need to. ’cause it just does, it takes 15 minutes to get kids from, Hey, we have to go to shoes on and to the car. I don’t know why it takes that long, but it does. 

And so if you have awareness of how we got into the stress state, you can then solve for that problem. So step three is awareness about what’s going on, and then step four is solving it. Most moms are moving from fire to fire to fire. And so we never do this step where we slow down and go, how did that happen? And can I prevent that from happening? 

You are so clever. You are so clever. You are so good at solving problems. Moms are so strategic, but you are not when you’re in a stress state. My goal for all of you is that your mission in motherhood is to have interior peace. 

Interior peace is gonna be evidence that you are walking closely with the Lord, that you’re doing what he wants you to do, that you believe in him, that you think that peace is possible in any situation, which it is.

Right? That’s that Peter on the water thing, right Peter on the water with the storm around him, as long as he was looking at Christ. He was okay. And then when he started looking around at his feet in the water, in the storm, then he was sinking. 

And I think we do that a lot. We look around at the stuff around us, and then we just start believing a bunch of lies. Instead of looking at God and being like, I’m okay. I’m really safe right now. He’s got me and he made me to handle this. I can handle this right now. 

And then when we calm down, we can start systemically solving problems in our lives, building systems that make our lives a lot easier. Okay, so if you want interior piece, you gotta recognize when you’re in a stress state.

You’ve gotta calm yourself down. Get your brain back online. You have to biologically get your body to be like, there are not tigers and you’re not gonna die. This is a lot. I’m super invalidating. I’m not like, I’m offered up. This is fine. Right? We wanna be like, yeah, this is a lot. Whatever you’re dealing with right now, I would come into your life and say, yeah, wow.

But you’re not gonna die. And that’s what you wanna get your brain on board with. So we’re gonna bring it down, we’re gonna calm yourself down. Then you’re gonna ask yourself, whoa, what was going on? And can I put something in place to solve that problem ahead of time? The next time that it comes up? And if you do this, your life is gonna get so much better. So much better. 

Alright, you guys, I love you. I’m praying for you. Please pray for me and have a blessed day.