And so we feel instant anger and we think that 6-year-old shouldn’t hit the 3-year-old. That shouldn’t be happening. And you feel mad, and then you might yell at them. You might even hit your 6-year-old a little bit. I’m talking like a SWOT on the bottom. Okay, we’re not punching this kid in the face, but some sort of physical reaction.

And then you catch yourself. And you’re like, oh my gosh, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I feel terrible. I feel like a bad mom. I really want you to pay attention to your behavior this next week. I want you to watch yourself and how often you are thinking some version of that kid shouldn’t be doing that, or this thing shouldn’t be happening.

You feel anger in your body, you react. From a place of anger in a way that is not holy, not your sainthood self, not the way that you wanna show up. And then you see that behavior and you immediately berate yourself and you think, I’m a bad mom, I’m a failure. I call this the mad bad mom model. It’s a one-two punch.

First we get mad about something and then we feel bad and we dislike ourselves, and what a horrible way to live just walking around. Getting angry because we’re triggered and we lack emotional regulation, and we’re believing things that aren’t necessarily true, and then watching ourselves behave that way and disliking ourselves.

And I say this to moms all the time, like, listen, you’re gonna be a mom hopefully for the next 20 years. And you can do it as your own biggest fan and your own biggest cheerleader. Or you can do it not liking yourself and being mean to yourself the whole time.

Which way do you wanna do it? Because you’re the only one that controls the soundtrack, the words that are flowing through your mind. You’re the only one who controls that. No one can make you think anything. If you wanna be chipper and positive and encouraging in your own mind, no one can stop you.

But just like no one, not even the Lord can stop you. From beating yourself up. Now, obviously the Lord can do anything, but he does allow most of us, if we choose to have a negative soundtrack in our minds, to continue having a negative soundtrack.

So if we slow it down first, there’s just what’s happening in front of you. Kid hitting another kid. Of course, that kid did, because as humans, we are born with the selfish desire for resources, and when we see the toy, we just want it. That’s literally why you’re his mom. You are his mom. To teach him that when we want things, we can’t just yank it out of someone’s hand. This is a parenting moment. This is what we trained for my friends. It should be happening.

The kids should misbehave so that we can step in and show them the right way to do it. Your teenager should roll their eyes at you and give you sarcasm so that you can very lovingly teach them, Hey, I know you have some strong feelings in your body right now, but that’s not how we show up. It’s not how you talk to your mama.

You should forget to plug in your phone sometimes and then it’s dead and you need it. And instead of feeling angry, you can be like, oh yeah, that happens to humans sometimes and maybe God is teaching me a lesson right now. We don’t need to jump to anger almost ever. Anger is almost never required.

And if we can catch ourselves in this first half. Resisting what’s happening and wanting to fight it and have an anger response. The second one may not even show up thinking that we’re a bad mom and that we’re failing.

But we can still have a strong reaction and be angry about kiddos in front of us or life or something that’s happening, and then still choose to love ourselves through it and be kind and encouraging.

Did you know you could do that? You could go, oh honey. That was really intense and we didn’t do a great job of managing our feelings, and we were so scared and we got angry and we yelled at those kids. I totally understand why you did that, and that’s not how we wanna show up. And I love you so much. What do you need right now?

Let’s go hug those kids and say we’re sorry. I’m gonna make you a cup of tea. You’re doing a great job. It is really great to model, repair and forgiveness to children. Let’s go do that. Isn’t that crazy? Even after you’ve done something that we might all objectively agree was a mistake, you could love yourself through it.

And it doesn’t mean you’re letting yourself off the hook. It doesn’t mean that we’re not responsible for confessing our sins or acknowledging our sins, or growing as moms or as people, whatever role that we’re talking about.

But you don’t have to hate yourself. You don’t have to dislike yourself and wag your finger at yourself and be mean to yourself. That’s actually not a great way. To motivate and encourage humans, not anyone else in your life and not you.

And so I do a lot of coaching on these two things. One, stop resisting whatever’s in front of you, it is happening. Anger doesn’t help. And anger usually sits on top of fear anyway. What are we scared of and is it even real?

And then whether we win in that moment. Or whether we don’t. The second moment is still an opportunity to love ourselves and to be encouraging. And this is how you’re gonna enjoy your day-to-day life of motherhood so much more.

Alright, my friends, I’m praying for you. Please pray for me and have a blessed day.