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Joined by my good friend Chantal Howard, we talk about the struggles teens face in this modern culture and a powerful new program called Catholic Finishing School for teen girls.

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Catholic Finishing School

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 How do you calm down in the middle of the chaos of everyday mom life? Some things are unexpected, like a car accident or something breaks in the house or somebody passes away or one of the kids wakes up throwing up, right? There are these unexpected things that happen too. And so motherhood is just this, you know, beautiful and painful mix of being a human.

I know that you’ve experienced this yourself because you probably had a moment where something crazy happens and just this like supernatural calm comes over you. Like maybe you have a kid that throws up and you’re just like, this is totally fine. This is totally fine. I’m just gonna clean this up. This is not a problem.

And you notice yourself being so calm in a situation where you’re like, I could be freaking out right now, but I’m not. Right? So we know it’s possible to be really calm in intense situations. Of course we have Peter walking on the water in the storm, and as long as he’s, you know, looking at the Lord, eyes fix on the Lord, he’s able to stay calm.

Okay. But there are many ways that we can do this, and I’m gonna go over the ones that I teach the most in this video. So the first way is the way that you talk to yourself in your mind, okay? The way that you talk to yourself in your mind when something intense is happening will determine whether it feels bigger and louder and more stressful, or whether you’re soothing yourself and calming yourself down.

So I had six kids in eight years. And one of the hardest things for me was when two of them would be crying at once, right? So let’s say I had like an 18 month old and that child was teething and clingy and I’m holding that 18 month old. And then, a different one is like mad that the older sibling won’t share a toy with them, right?

And so two kids are crying at the same time. And that used to just like really trigger me and set me off. I was in a stressed state, but I thought I was mad. And I just like my body couldn’t handle it. Okay. And that was a thought that I would have. Like, I can’t handle this. This is too much.

And then my lovely melancholic brain would go to this hopelessness place and be like, and I’m gonna be stuck in little kid land forever, and I’m just gonna keep getting pregnant. And this is so terrible for hate. And this was my experience of motherhood not great. And so I learned 10 years ago how to talk to myself in my mind.

And what started to happen was I would have those intense situations and I would be like, hey Sterling. Two kids are crying right now. That’s a lot. I love you and this is a lot right now, but you’re okay. Can you tell that you’re okay? You’re okay. Two kids are crying. You’re okay though.

And I would calm myself down using the words in my mind to help my brain see, this was not as big of a deal. As I thought it was gonna be. I would do this too if I like left the house and forgot my wallet at home. And we all know that feeling. We’re like, It’s like we’re so annoyed at ourselves. It’s inconvenient. Maybe now we’re gonna be late somewhere. We have to decide, do I need to go back and get the wallet or not? It sucks.

But the way that you talk to yourself about it will change your experience of it. You can beat yourself up. You can be really upset. You could like be mad at the steering wheel. Or you can go, that happens. We had a busy morning. Of course that happened. It’s totally fine.

We can go back and get it. Or not. Either way, I love you or have a good day. This is not a problem. Let’s just rethink the rest of the day with this new factor in place. Okay, so gentle, so calm. So talking yourself is one way that you can really be calm in the chaos of everyday life. I can’t save you from the chaos. You’re human on the planet, it’s gonna be chaotic, right?

The next way, and this is my favorite way, and it is free. I just love saying that, and it’s just breathing, and it is the most boring advice of all time. I’m telling you, it’s so boring. The number of people who have paid me money to eventually just tell them, you probably should just breathe slowly when you’re stressed.

And obviously I help people on a much deeper level than that, but really, I’m telling you, it is worth so much money to your brain. If I could just get your brain to breathe slowly. To recognize that you’re stressed out and just to like five times, you’re gonna feel dumb doing it. You’re gonna feel like silly breathing in and out slowly for five times. It’s gonna feel like a waste of time.

But if you flood your brain with oxygen. It’s gonna calm you down. ’cause the other thing is when you’re actually in danger, you never take the time to slow down and breathe slowly, right? So breathing slowly is an indicator to the brain that you are safe. And it’s like, oh, well, she’s breathing slowly. She seems kind of relaxed. Maybe there isn’t danger, and it calms down. It is a really, really, really powerful tool.

Breathing, you can do box breathing. Box breathing is, breathing in for four seconds. Holding your breath for four seconds. Breathing out for four seconds and holding your breath for four seconds. This is literally ready for this how Navy seals calm themselves down.

And I just love thinking that we are the Navy Seals of moms. We’re like, we’re like, moms are like Navy Seals. We’re going out on missions. We never know what’s gonna happen. We have to be like light on our feet and we have to be able to cope with intensely stressful situations. So I like box breathing because it just makes me feel one with the Navy Seals. Okay.

Just breathing in and out through your nose slowly is really helpful. The intentionality of doing it through your nose slows you down even more. So the way you speak through your mind, number one. Number two is breathing.

Number three, fresh air on your face. I felt trapped at home with little kids because I had so many little kids. I did not wanna put three kids in three car seats and drive around. So I was home a lot and I felt kind of like trapped at home.
But if I was starting to feel stressed, one of the things that I would do is I would just open my front door and go on the other side of the door and then close it so the kids are all safe in the house. I’m just outside the front door and I would just feel the air on my face, feel the air on my face. It was amazing.

And I would listen. For birds pretty much anywhere you live you can hear birds. It’s amazing. I heard that once and I was like, I don’t know if that’s true. And I’ve checked in many, many places and I always hear birds in the city, in the desert where I live in northern Idaho, birds everywhere.

And it’s a way of like slowing down and connecting with the Lord. For me, I just really think like God made this world and he made the birds and I’m hearing the birds and everything is gonna be okay. So that is another really great way to calm yourself down in the middle of everyday mom chaos.

And then the fourth one is water. And I heard a seasoned mom tell me this years and years and years ago, and she said, if you’re stressed or if the kids are stressed, just add water. And she then listed all these things that were made up of water, which are great, like taking a bath or giving the kids a bath, turning on the sprinkler for the kids, making popsicles for the kids.

Drinking a glass of water. There’s like all these things you can do with water, but we are made up of mostly water. And water is our happy place for most people. Now, there was a time when all three of my boys, when they were one, two, and three hated taking baths. They would scream like I was breaking their arm and I put them in the bath.

So in that season, that water option was not true for the boys. But they did love water. They would love water. In special glasses, I’d be like, we’re gonna pull out these special glasses. They weren’t special. They were just not the ones they used normally. And then I would pour water into them and they would drink the water.

And so that is true for you, by the way. You should drink some water. And I drink a lot of tea. That’s one of the things that I do. I’m gonna do a video on creating like special surprises for yourself throughout the day and treats that you can look forward to. And tea for me is definitely one of them.

But there are these ways to calm down. Water is definitely one of them. A bunch of different forms of drinking water, being around water, touching water. And water. Even though it can sometimes feel like it’s messy, it’s just water and you just clean it up. That’s what I love about it.

So the way that you talk to yourself, it’s the number one way you’re gonna calm yourself down. Breathing is probably the easiest way. It takes more effort to do the first one. I think it’s the most powerful. The second one though, is breathing is just easiest. You could just do it today. You could start practicing box breathing. And just breathe and be like, you’re okay. I love you. You’re okay. I love you.

And then the third one is, put some fresh air on your face. Listen for the birds. Okay? And then the fourth one is just add water. And that can mean a whole bunch of things, but find the ones that work for you and for your kids, and for your season of life. And do that.

It’s snowy here right now. So I guess it’s also true that sometimes I just like, I take a deep breath and I go through the rigmarole, which it is, of putting snow clothes on kids to get them outside to play with the snow, but then they do like it and I guess that’s a form of water also.

Alright, my friends.  I am praying for you. Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening and have a blessed day. 

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