Hey. Yes, you. The one listening while folding laundry, or driving carpool, or hiding in the bathroom for two minutes of silence.
You’re doing a good job.

Not a perfect job. A good one. And that matters more than you know.

In this episode, I look you in the eye (well, through your earbuds) and tell you what you need to hear today.

We talk about:
* Why moms rarely hear “you’re doing a good job” (and desperately need to)
* The trap of comparing your worst moments to someone else’s highlight reel
* What “good enough” actually looks like in Catholic motherhood
* How to receive encouragement without deflecting it

If you liked this episode, you’ll also enjoy:
 When You Feel Like a Failure as a Mom
 Stop Being So Mean to Yourself: You’re a Good Mom
 How to Stop Thinking You’re a Bad Mom

If you want to be surrounded by Catholic moms who see you, cheer you on, and remind you of the truth on hard days — that’s what Mary’s Heart Martha’s Order is. Come let us encourage you at catholicmomcalm.com/marysheart

And I think we forget sometimes all the things we’re doing, ’cause we’re in the middle of doing it and our heads are down and we’re just like getting the stuff done. But when I meet someone. After mass on Sunday, and they just begin to tell me about their life and what they’re going through, maybe the ages of their kids.

I just see, I see how much this woman in front of me is holding and that she’s doing a good job, and I know she doesn’t go to bed at night thinking that she’s doing a good job. And you know, I’ve definitely done an episode on how you’re a good mom. And if we’re not the good moms, who are the good moms, right? Like if we’re not the good moms, who are the good moms, it’s just like a mythical thing. We are the good moms. 

You’re doing a good job too. You’re doing a good job. And that doesn’t mean that there isn’t room for improvement, but. Just sit back for a moment and think about the last six, seven weeks. 

I’m kind of measuring that against like what I’ll call back to school time and back to school Time is when for us, maybe sports are starting maybe, we start up doing religious education. Our girls are in classical conversations this year, so we’re doing that.

And I was reflecting on how I feel like we’re, we’ve gotten into our rhythms and no one’s gotten sick yet. That’s, there’s kind of this magical spot, right, where you’ve gotten your rhythm from the fall, but nobody’s gotten sick yet. And I had this thought the other day, I’m doing a good job and I just had to sit with that for a moment, like, I’m doing a good job.

And that doesn’t mean. That there aren’t holes and there isn’t any weakness. And then if I could redo certain things, maybe I would. It doesn’t mean my kids think I’m doing everything well or that my husband thinks I’m doing everything well. But overall, I think I’m doing a good job and I love these kids. 

And my house is somewhat tidy. It’s never as decluttered as I want or perfectly organized, but it’s okay and it’s a safe place. And there are some things I really love about our family, some things I’m really proud of. And there are some things that are not so great, they’re not optimal, and I feel a little bit bad about that sometimes. 

But I just think that’s really normal. It’s a really human experience, but why is it that most of us don’t go to bed at night thinking I’m doing a good job? It feels like the effort of spiritual attacks and then also just commercialism, right? Think about commercialism. The whole thing is designed to get you to feel bad enough that you buy the thing. 

And that always happens to me when I go on Instagram. I don’t have Instagram on my phone, but every now and then I have to put it on my phone to change the link in my bio for catholic mom com.

So I’ll put it on my phone, change the link in the bio, and then while I’m there I’ll scroll around a little bit and then all of a sudden I’m like, oh, I didn’t even know that thing existed. This just happened to me. And it was like the super snuggly blanket that helps kids calm down. I’m like, oh, maybe forest needs that blanket.

And then there was an ad for a woman drinking, I don’t know, saffron tea, something like that. And it was like Saffron totally helped me with my ADHD symptoms. And I was like, oh, is that true? 

Like it was just so many things and all the things were super interesting and made me feel a little bit bad, like, oh, I should have solved that, or I didn’t even know that this thing was out there and I didn’t buy any of them, which then also made me feel bad. Because I kind of was like, well, I wish I just had lots of money and I could buy all the things that I just saw.

So for sure spiritual attacks, you know that the devil isn’t like, Hey, families are great and moms should feel wonderful about themselves. We know that’s not the plan. And then there’s commercialism, which is all the businesses wanting you to feel the ads so that you buy things. And then there’s kind of the group, think of the culture.

And when’s the last time you got together with your friends and you like, you know, slugged each other, playfully in the shoulder and was like, we’re doing a good job. High five, we’re awesome. We don’t do that. So the culture that signals to each other. Like, Hey, we don’t do that. Why is that? Why don’t we like high five each other every time we’re leaving the park? 

Like, yeah. You did it, or even at mass, like you wrangled those kids. My boys man, they’re a million times better. Okay. They’re a million times better than they were, but you know, my husband and my girls sing in the choir, so it’s me and the three boys, and they’re now six, seven, and eight. And they’re pretty quiet in general. 

But last week Forrest had some change in his pocket, which was very cute. He gave each boy. Some change and they put it in the collection basket and it was adorable. But of course before that it had to fall out of his hands and clank onto the wood. 

And I was like, bro. And then another one of them was messing with the hymnal. Another one did something else, and I don’t remember now, but it was just a lot of wiggling and it was all just like under the radar stuff, but I was on the whole time like paying attention to them and giving them looks and small wagging fingers.

So that’s a long way from having to take everybody to the back. So I’m grateful for that. But after the end of those mass sessions. Yeah, there should be like we, all the people who don’t have kids should get together and put their arms out and high f all the people who do have kids. Not really. I would hate that. Let’s not, let’s not make a party at mass. 

But just the sentiment, you know, the sentiment. I’m like, yeah, you did it. You’re doing a good job. I think I’ve shared that. I’ve been in the car a lot more lately. We’re just in this phase of parenting and I’ve been in the car a lot more and I’ve been trying to make that fun by the way.

So I want you, I bought this cool like wood diffuser that clips on to the fan part of the car so that when I turn on the heater, I can like put some essential oils on this diffuser and it diffuses like an amazing smell that’s made me enjoy reds in the car. Better taking the time to sit down and actually cultivate songs that I like on a Spotify list. It was also great. 

I also just finished reading the Raven Scholar. Go read the description of that book. You’re either fantasy people or not. Okay? But if you are at all fantasy people, it was amazing. I could already tell it’s ruined to me for the next three books that I’m gonna read. I don’t even wanna read anything else. ’cause I’m like, it’s not gonna be as good as the Raven Scholar. 

She does drop. The effort in that book a few times, kind of like how soldiers talk. Like it’s that way. It’s a huge book and it’s not that many times in the huge book. and but I say that because there was nothing else in the book. It was really clean, which is unusual.

Normally an author has like trash words in it and then other things, and so I’m not reading it. Um, but this was actually really clean, minus those words. So I’ve been thinking about. Reading it again and crossing out all the words so my daughter can read it because I think she would really love it. 

But anyway, listen to a great, I listened to it on Audible. Listen to a great audiobook if you’re gonna be stuck in the car. I actually, tonight, was waiting for my daughter. She does self-defense at night and in my program we have these healing prayers. And they’re gonna be part of our planner, which is amazing. I just love that they’re gonna be in there in the resources section. So anytime you want, you can go through praying and healing renunciation prayers. It’s very cool. 

So sitting in the car and I was like, I have some time. I’m gonna do that. I’m always telling them, you guys, the healing exercises don’t have to take that long. And I had 15 minutes, so I was like, let’s do it. I just pulled up my phone. I went through a memory, talked to the Lord about it, did some healing. It was amazing. 

So that was a great use of time in the car, and I just think I’m doing a good job and I want you just to hear that. I want you to hear me say that, and I hope that you’re not like she is super prideful and full of herself. 

I hope you’re like, oh, well, yeah, of course, Sterling, you’re doing a good job. And then just realize that that’s true about you too, and that like having clean laundry piled up on the couch doesn’t make you a bad mom. It doesn’t mean you’re bad at your job. 

There are things like that in all jobs, right? In all jobs, let’s say there’s, you know, a hundred potential tasks and there are probably always 20 tasks that are sitting kind of undone. Now, they don’t physically look like laundry on the couch where you can see them.

They’re just like unread emails. Or projects or something, probably electronic or maybe some paper on the desk so it doesn’t feel as big. But people go to their job and they don’t think about the 20 things that are at the bottom of the list that don’t get done and then be like, I’m terrible at my job. It’s like, yeah, everybody has that job. 

And one of the skills is knowing what can push, like that laundry can sit on that couch and it is actually just fine. And you know that ’cause you’re a good mom.

So maybe you’re in the car right now. Maybe you’re in your living room. A lot of you have told me that you listen to this podcast while you’re walking, but I just want you to know that you’re doing a good job, and I want you to be curious about either A, why you don’t think that. If you don’t think that, like if I’m saying it and your whole body is just like, eh, nope. Definitely not true. 

Just just come in with the most gentle, loving curiosity like, huh brain. That’s so interesting that you think we’re not doing a good job. Why do you think we’re not doing a good job? I’m just so curious, and maybe you can find some things that are wounds that need to be healed. 

And then if while listening to this, you think I am doing a good job, then you are in group B, which is, why don’t you tell yourself more? Why don’t you tell yourself more that you’re doing a good job? I really think this is not vanity or pridefulness. This is like that. Deep well done, my good and faithful servant. Kind of good job. 

Like I see you and you are doing the mom thing. It’s interesting because you know, in my workday I’ll coach women who have one baby and or like three adult children and everything in between.

And most of the time the moms all kind of look the same. Like they all kind of were like, oh my gosh, it’s a lot and I think I’m doing a bad job. Well, I think I’m failing. Is usually the thought that most moms have. I just, if I came to your house, I would think you were doing such a good job. I would be like, wow.

I can tell how much you care about these kids. I can tell how much you love them. I can tell how thoughtful you are about things, and I just wouldn’t let the laundry mean anything about you being good at your job. And that’s what we do. 

We pick these like little things. It’s like in our mind we have a list of 20 things that we wanted to get done, and then if we only do six of them, we feel really bad. But if I were to repeat back to you the six things that you chose to do, you’d probably be like, yeah, those were good choices. Actually, I’m, I’m glad that I did that.

Another thing that was interesting is my older girls recently have been annoyed by my little guy, Peter is six, and Peter’s just going through and asking me questions e-face. And it was my 12-year-old, my 10-year-old who like threw him shade the other day. They were like, can you just stop asking questions?

And in my sweetest voice, ’cause I was calm ’cause I do the work that I teach here I was, I was very calm and I just said, Hey. Little doves. I said, I know you don’t remember this, but I loved you through your asking you questions you face, both of you went through it, you still kind of do it. To which they both kind of turned a little bit red and said, yeah.

And I said, it is okay. ’cause he was being sweet. It wasn’t even like he was being rude or disrespectful. He was just literally just asking little kid questions like little kids do. And it was annoying. They were not wrong. Okay? It is annoying to have children talk to you all day long, but I just told them, I said, Hey, I did this for you.

And I felt proud of that. I was like, I did this. I listened to all of your questions and answered them, and I loved you through it. And then. With some syrup, sweetness in my voice, and I say, and I love you now when you flop on my bed at eight 30 and want to do it in a bigger kid fashion. 

Now they do that every night. Flop on my bed at eight 30 and a hundred percent of the days, which I think is cute. It doesn’t bother me. They go, oh my gosh, your bed is so comfy. I can’t wait to like grow up and have a bed like yours. Your blanket is so soft every night. They do this every night, and I’m like, yep. When you’re an adult, you’ll have a nicer mattress too, and fluffy blankets.

And I love them through their 10 and 12-year-old questions. And that’s what I mean. That’s what I mean when I say I’m a good mom and I think I’m doing a good job. And then there are also nights, by the way, where I come out of my room at eight and I kiss all the girls and I go, nobody can come talk to me in my room tonight. I love you. I love you. I love you. Goodnight. 

I think that’s being a good mom too sometimes, where you take a night and you’re like, I’m not doing that. I’m tapped out. The question tank is full. That’s what we like to say around here. The question tank is full.

So really just for a moment, just look backwards. Look backwards, and just think of what you have done in the last six to seven weeks. And for a moment, open your heart and just go, man, I am doing a good job.

And this is true if you’re a hundred pounds overweight or if you’re breastfeeding a baby and you’re doing absolutely no schooling, or if you’ve let the house go for whatever reason.

There’s just so many reasons moms beat themselves up, and I still think you’re probably doing a good job. And I don’t mean to say that everyone’s doing a good job, okay? We don’t all get a participation trophy. There are some moms that legit are on drugs or are gone all the time or have many boyfriends coming in and out of the house.

We would maybe not say that they’re doing a great job. So I just want you to know there is probably a line somewhere, I don’t know where the line is, but don’t let your brain be like, can’t be true that we’re all doing a good job. I’m gonna go out on a limb. The 100% of the women listening to this podcast are doing a good job. I’m willing to make that bet.

Alright. I was thinking about what I wanted to talk to you about and then I was thinking, what do I kind of need to hear? And I had this thought a couple days ago where I was like, man, you’re doing a good job. And I just, I gave that pep talk to myself. And I really needed it. And it was slow and it was real, and it really meant something.

And I felt this like warmth in my chest and I was like, yeah, it just felt really true. And so I wanted to give that to you. And then I wanted to ask you a favor. Maybe two. You can pick one, two or both. One, would you share this podcast with someone? It hasn’t been growing lately and I know you guys love it. And I know you wait for it to come out.

And I just think every Catholic mom should be listening to this podcast and we just don’t think about it. We just don’t think, oh, right, that girl I went to college with, or my sister or my friends at the parish. Just take the sherry button, it’s like a box with an arrow, and send this episode to a mom that needs to hear that she’s doing a good job.

Let’s let her know that she needs to hear that too today. And then if you feel super duper extra nice and grateful for this podcast, I would love it if you would leave a review. We actually haven’t had anyone leave a review in a while. First of all, more than a hundred of you have left reviews, which is amazing, especially for a podcast as small as mine, like our review to listenership.

Numbers are incredible and I’m so proud of that and grateful to you that you guys love it so much that, and listen, for a mom to take the time to navigate iTunes reviews is a huge, huge deal. So I just feel like it’s such a gift. But if you haven’t done that and you’ve just found us recently, I would love it if you would do that.

So we would have some fresh reviews. ’cause I think it’s been almost a year since someone left a review, which I think is just circumstantial. But I’d love to see something current there that says it’s still great. We still like it. So if you haven’t done that, that would be amazing. And then just know that I’m praying for you. I really do go to adoration and I pray for Catholic moms. I’m like, Lord, give us mercy and grace. Please give us mercy and grace. That’s what we need. 

Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast and have a blessed day.