In a world that tells you to do more, be more, hustle harder, optimize everything — what if there’s actually only one thing you need?

Not ten things. Not a perfect morning routine and a meal plan and a prayer journal and a fitness goal. Just one thing.

In this episode, I strip away the noise and get to the heart of what actually matters in your vocation.

We talk about:
* Why we keep adding more when what we need is less
* The one thing that changes everything in Catholic motherhood
* How to simplify without feeling like you’re giving up
* Permission to stop performing and start living

If you liked this episode, you’ll also enjoy:
 Your #1 Mission as a Catholic Mom: Interior Peace
 The Feeling Every Mom Is Chasing (And How to Find It)
 Where Will You Be in 10 Years? A Catholic Mom’s Vision

If you’re drowning in to-do lists and expectations and you want someone to help you find the one thing that matters most — that’s what we do inside Mary’s Heart Martha’s Order. Come find clarity and peace at catholicmomcalm.com/marysheart

But today I wanna talk about the word need because our brain throws that word around kind of casually, and I just want you to check it. I just want you to check anytime your brain says, I need something, or we need to do this. And it sounds like such a simple word. 

For example, I need to go to the grocery store. Most of us have that thought, oh, I need to go to the grocery store. Maybe we’re outta milk, or you know, something for dinner, eggs, peanut butter. And the brain goes, I need to go to the grocery store. 

Now, sometimes we have this dot and it feels small and not a problem. It’s almost like we’ve just noticed something. And if that’s the way that your brain is thinking, I need to go to the grocery store, it’s totally fine. 

But if your brain is saying, I need to go to the grocery store, and it has a gripping tight feeling in your body, I want you to take a deep breath and just notice that. Just notice that your brain and your body are really upset. About something, and we’ve attached this word, need to it. 

There are some things that we might need. Let’s say that you are diabetic and you need an insulin shot. We could probably use the word need there. Let’s say you’re out of milk and your family likes milk and the kids like milk, and your husband likes milk, but let’s be honest. If you didn’t go to the grocery store and you didn’t have milk for five days, you would be okay. 

And this is so important because again, your brain is designed to keep you safe and it just hasn’t caught up to the modern way that we live. So it’s still kind of taxon to the end of everything. Or we might die. We need to go to the girl, she’s starting to get milk, or we might die.

And you know that your brain is thinking of it on an intense level because of how tight your body feels. And then because we have these need thoughts all throughout the day and our body is reacting to this very panicky declaration.

Then we’re walking around with like tension in our shoulders or a pit in our stomach and shallow breathing and it feels like something’s chasing us or there’s something like haunting us. And then it is no surprise my friends, that we feel frazzled, that exhausted that we have brain fog. 

Now, it is difficult because I think that there’s kind of this set of symptoms that are being attributed to everything and let’s just use brain fog and fatigue. You’ll hear the brain fog and fatigue are related to, you know, gluten sugar, chemicals in the water being stressed, high cortisol levels, you know, unresolved trauma, lots of kids’ toxic relationships. 

But I just wanna offer that even the fact that, you know, all of that is one of the things that’s making us crazy, which is this overabundance of information. And the information which is largely coming through social media and the internet and the news is giving us this message. You need to fix that. This is a problem. You need to do it. 

On one of the calls I was talking about how our brains are really wired for tribal living, right to living in communities. A lot of them were nomadic, but even if they weren’t just these like small tribal communities where people. More or less had to get along, otherwise you might be kicked outta the tribe. Right? 

And so I said, that’s why when a bunch of people start doing something, you feel the urge to do it, even if you never had the urge to do that before. And so I asked on the call, I said, how many of you have been thinking about buying a red light face mask or a weighted vest? And oh my gosh, they just laughed and all these people typed in the chat me. Oh my gosh, that’s so funny. 

And I said, why do I know that? Well, it’s because. Most of us have been fed ads or posts on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram showing that these red light face masks and these weighted vests are popular and they help you. 

And then we get this feeling that we need them. And it’s really a collective effort of marketing companies to prey upon this kind of the primitive parts of our brain, which haven’t caught up to modern living. 

So they know if they can show you enough women, we’ll call them influencers, right? Enough influencers saying, Hey, you should do this thing. It’s good for you. That the tribal part of your brain that goes, Hey, we gotta fit in and do what everybody else is doing, is gonna kick in. And then you’re actually gonna feel a survival sense of I need that.

So I want you to know, first of all, that there’s nothing wrong with you. You have a human brain and the way that it has been conditioned over time, forever and ever and ever to keep us safe is in this one way. And it’s just been such a hot minute, such a short time that, you know, we really have very few life-threatening things.

So not to feel foolish when all of a sudden you’re like, I need a weighted vest, something about bone density, and I’m 40 now and I need it. And it had never occurred to you before. I wanna say, of course you’re thinking that, spoiler alert, I boughted vest a couple months ago. I love it. Surprised that I love it so much. And I don’t know if I mentioned that on the podcast yet. 

I only wear it though if I have time to take a shower after a walk. So I like to take like an hour and a half long walk with a weighted vest and just sweat through everything that I’m wearing and it feels amazing. And then I have to take a shower. So it’s, you know, I could walk before and I could walk and not necessarily have to take a shower after that, but not awaited best walk.

So I’m not even saying. That it’s bad to do the thing that you feel this inclination to do. I just want you to be honest with your brain about it. Like, Hey, I don’t need that. I may want it, I may like to have milk, and we’re outta milk and I wanna go to the store, but this is not a big deal brain. We do not need to work. Attach the word need to it. We don’t have to have panic or pressure. We don’t need to do that. 

So just this week I want you guys to really catch how often your brain is saying, I need to do something. Now let’s pick another one. Let’s pick, I need to plan my week. A lot of you have this thought, if I just planned more, I need to plan. And then you come to the Catholic mom calm podcast and Sterling says, Hey, you should plan more. It will make your life better. Which is true. 

But I’ll tell you right now, a lack of planning will not kill you and you will not be kicked out of the human club. It is not extremely dangerous not to plan. You don’t need a planner. You don’t need to write out a to-do list. I like it. I like the way my life runs when I do that. 

But when we get to the place where we think like I need to do this, and it chokes us, well, first of all, it’s just false programming. It’s not true. And it will create stress in your body and you will reinforce this behavior, which is, Hey brain, when you freak out about things, I do them quicker and then it makes you happy. Let’s keep living like that. We don’t want the brain. To be reinforced for this behavior. 

We want calm and loving suggestions from the brain that are rooted in peace and surrender to the Lord and knowing that we are loved and we’re just wonderful human beings. I’m not saying that we don’t have sin, but just that we were made in the image and likeness of God. So what has your brain been telling you that you need to do? 

And again, that word by itself isn’t the problem. You might go, oh, I need to go to the grocery store and get some milk, and it’s not a big deal, and you don’t feel stressed and you don’t have a lot of tension. It’s just almost a reminder to your brain.

But I coached several women today on different versions of like, oh I need to do this, and I wanna say, no, you don’t. Definitely do not need to do that. We can if we want to, if we have peace about it, if we can be calm about this. But let us first address the panic. I wanna help you bring that down. Until one of them was around planning.

And I think that that’s really interesting ’cause obviously I’m about to run this seven week challenge where I challenge you to plan and pray for 10 minutes a day. And I think that’s very helpful for having peace in your life. But it is not worth panicking over. It is not worth stressing over. And if you don’t do it. If you don’t do it at all, that’s fine. If you don’t do it for a couple days in a row, that’s fine. 

The real skill that I’m training women is how to pay attention to their thinking and how their thinking creates tension in their bodies. Because what we really want is to not have tension in our bodies, and we’ve kind of sold ourselves this story that there are certain activities that we can do that would then remove the tension, but actually the tension is coming from the thinking.

Another thing I address, and I address this often in coaching calls much more than I do here on the podcast. I share a lot more about my personal life on those calls. mostly because they’re private. They’re not just out on the internet, but we were talking about, you know, difficult kids that have very, very strong tantrums and what to do about that.

And one of the women was sharing about, you know, her little guy and how they had made a lot of progress and then he really had like a big episode and the thought that was really hurting her was like, I thought we were over this. And I was able to show her that know God gives us grace for intense kids and their intense episodes, but not for the stories that we add on top of that.

And this thought, I thought we were over this. It is a story, it’s a lie. It’s a form of resistance. And often we tack onto that, you know, and it’ll always be like this, and I’m failing him. And this kid will struggle for the rest of his life. Like we create lots of stories around these, I call them spicy kids.

And so I was able to show her that, you know, there was the pain of the actual moment and she handled it really well. She kind of described it and I was like, yeah, that’s pretty much how I handled that. And so the actual thing that was hurting her and creating tension in her body was this thought. I thought we were over this. 

And I said, if we just played that out and you were proud of yourself and how you showed up, ’cause you have tools and you used them and we just didn’t have this thought. I thought we were over this. And I would say it was a pretty good day. 

And that’s how we take something that feels really difficult and we totally turn it upside down and we end up walking away feeling encouraged and strong because she actually did a great job parenting this kid through a difficult moment. And I’m sure it was intense and I’m sure it was uncomfortable. It’s not like we like those moments, but she handled it. 

And I just wanna give you a virtual high five. Like, Hey, you mom today, you were doing the mom and thing. And did a great job, and if you did not attach any opinion about it or future forecasting, you actually could just feel proud. You could feel like you’re doing what God made you to do.

And so much. I think that’s what we’re starving for, is just some amount of encouragement or acknowledgement that we’re doing what God made us to do. And the truth is we’re not going to get that anywhere else. We have to give it to ourselves and I let the Lord give it to me. 

I feel totally fine asking the Lord to gimme compliments. I’m like, Lord, I just need you to tell me that I did a good job today. And I feel like he kind of laughs softly, like, okay, I do love you. You did a good job today. Like, he’s always willing to do it for me. He’s always willing to tell me that I’m beautiful and he loves me and that I’m doing a good job. He doesn’t condone my bad behavior, right?

So let’s say I were to get really angry, and do something out of anger. He wouldn’t say, oh, that was good that you got angry. But he would say, you’re okay right now. I love you. You’re safe. And I think we can give encouragement to ourselves and we just forget to, ’cause we’re in the middle of solving problems and holding hearts. 

You know, I don’t always have the presence of mind after encountering my spicy kiddo having an intense moment. To tell myself, Hey, you did a good job. But one of the thoughts that I do really like having is God chose you to be his mom because he knew that you would handle this kid, that you would love him through this, that you would be the right person to steward his little heart through childhood.

You know what I picture like those acceptance speeches that people make. I don’t even know why. He would be making one, but I just picture him looking at me in the audience and saying, mom, I love you. Thank you. I know I was a tough kid and you just loved me through it. And I picture him saying that, and I’ll cry in front of everybody and it’ll be true. It’ll be true that because I loved him so fiercely in these difficult years. 

And I didn’t give up on him and I believed in him. And I told him that he was a good boy, that he will do whatever it is that God is preparing him to do, and he will be thankful for his childhood. And I don’t have a crystal ball. I don’t know that all six of my kids are gonna get to be adults and feel so grateful for the childhood that we gave them. But why not think that? 

There’s no upside to thinking that they’re all gonna be upset and mad at me in the future. Instead, I really picture them saying, gosh, I see how much you and dad sacrificed so that we could pursue our dreams, so that we could be free, so that we could have a childhood that was kind of like untouched by the world. I think they’ll be so grateful for that, and it is a sacrifice and it is difficult. But we have to encourage ourselves. 

And I think the Lord is always standing by to encourage you and to tell you that you’re doing a good job and he’s proud of you, and that you are living out what he wanted you to live out. He’s kind of the simple moving forward, day by day, step by step. I wanna say mundane things, but I think he’s so pleased with us for doing that and for choosing him and for loving him and for not walking away.

I think about how few people really choose to live as Christians, how few people really choose to believe that Jesus Christ is their Lord and Savior, and was crucified, died. And three days later was raised from the dead to prove that he was the son of God and that we should believe him when he said that he died for our sins, that he paid the price for us. That’s really wild when you think about it.

I think about it sometimes because you know, my dad doesn’t believe. And I imagine what life would be like if I just didn’t believe any of that. And the logical conclusion really is to devolve into hedonism without Christ and the message of Christ. Kind of nothing matters. You can kind of just do what you want. And my dad is really nice. 

And he really cares about people. He volunteers a lot. He does work with the homeless. He goes into inner cities and teaches parents parenting skills for free to help them with their kids, like he’s just a really nice guy. 

So I’m not saying that there isn’t a value system that you can find mind, but in a secular world, you make your own rules. You get to decide what matters and what doesn’t. And that devolves pretty quickly, and there’s an emptiness to it.

And so I choose to believe in the Christian message, in the good news, and in the end, what that teaches us is. That we only really need Christ. That’s it. We only really need Christ. I go back to my original example of someone who’s diabetic who needs insulin. Even if they didn’t get it. As long as they have Christ, even if they die, they have what they need.

We don’t even really need that. All we need is Christ. And it is our job to take our scaredy cat brains that are trying to keep us safe and comfortable, and to challenge the lies that our brains give us. Let us not panic. Let us not live from fear and stress and pressure and this gripping tension in our bodies.

Challenge your brain on that. Come back to Christ. Christ is all you need. And he will show you how true that is when you spend time with him and you seek him first. And that is what I wanna teach everyone, and that is what I will always continue to point you two here on the podcast is The Heart of Christ. ’cause nothing else will solve what you’re really searching for. And that is my goal in the Mary’s Heart Martha’s Order Challenge. 

So you have two more days that you can sign up. You can sign up through Friday, then we’re gonna close it and then we’re gonna start tracking our points. There are points and prizes. It’s very fun on Sunday, the 21st. So we send out a video on Saturday that says, Hey, we’re gonna start tomorrow. Here’s what you’re gonna do. We make it very simple. It does not take a lot of time. ’cause we’re moms. 

So if the Lord is tugging at your heart, I want you to come join us. Go to catholicmomcalm.com/marymartha, sign up. We did sell out of the notebook, so I’m sorry I don’t have any more of those, but you can get a digital copy, which is still beautiful and it’s going to be very exciting. The two pre-calls that we’ve had have been really fun, so I have no doubt that the challenge calls will be really fun as well. And I can’t wait to see what the Lord brings. 

So I’m praying for you. Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening and have a blessed day.