What if there was a “finishing school” for Catholic moms — not for learning table manners, but for becoming the woman God created you to be?

Not perfection. Not performing. Just intentional, grace-filled growth in virtue, faith, and confidence. Becoming more fully yourself.

In this episode, I introduce the concept of Catholic finishing school — and what it means to keep growing.

We talk about:
* What “finishing school” means for a modern Catholic mom
* Why personal growth isn’t selfish — it’s stewardship
* The areas of life most Catholic moms neglect (and why it matters)
* How to intentionally grow without adding more pressure

If you liked this episode, you’ll also enjoy:
 What Is Breakthrough Coaching? Transform Your Motherhood
 Faith and Creativity in Motherhood with Raquel
 Stop Doing Self-Help from Brokenness: Heal First

If the idea of becoming the best version of yourself — with support, coaching, and a community of women doing it alongside you — sounds like exactly what you need, Mary’s Heart Martha’s Order was made for you. Join us at catholicmomcalm.com/marysheart

Chantal: What a pleasure. I must admit, I feel like we’ve been talking about your podcast and I’ve been a listener for so long. It’s fun to finally be here.

Sterling: Yeah, so Chantal has seven kids and homeschools them. Well, some of them have flown. That’s wild. We can talk about that in a minute. And we’re gonna talk today about young girls, teen girls, mostly in that 14 to kind of 18, 19-year-old space and some of the big things that they’re dealing with in the culture and how we can fight back. And this really neat program that Chantal has put together, called Catholic. Finishing school. 

So before we dive into that, why don’t you tell us a little bit about you. And I just think it’s so fascinating when I meet someone who was homeschooled as a child. And I love their family and all their siblings are Catholic. So you just feel like a unicorn to me in that way. And so just tell us a little bit about, you know, your, the dis so family, which is your maiden name. 

Chantal: Absolutely, yes. So I am one of those anomalies in that I am a second generation homeschooler. More and more we’re finding some of those, and it’s always exciting when you do.

But, yeah, let’s see. I was definitely raised in, I mean, I think describing me as a unicorn, that’s kind of how I felt. I felt special. I felt different, and perhaps had to, you know, mature through some of that both on the awkward side of being a unicorn, but also on the pride side of being a unicorn.

Sterling: Yeah. Yeah. 

Chantal: Two sides of that coin. but yes I was raised six kids. My mom, she had a radical conversion. When, right before I came on the scenes. And so I caught her in the wake of her conversion and she just, we, I used to tease, she couldn’t talk, not talk about God. It was like, no. Part of who she was oozed out everything she did. And I remember just watching her pray and just saying, I wanna be wherever it is that she is, she goes to a different place. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: Her faith was so real and radical and you know, but at the same time, she also had come through the sixties and Seen what cultural revolution looks like and really had to make a conscious decision of like, no, I want to be, and do, and raise my family differently than just what the culture is pushing down our throats. For good or for real.

Sometimes, you know, and there were some legitimate things that needed adjusted in culture perhaps. And you know, there’s always that pendulum that’s swinging from one extreme to the other. But she, when she fell in love with the faith and she fell in love with the depth of the Catholic tradition in its entirety. It began to influence everything. 

And so I was raised in that milieu where she just was, you know, the rosary would be the thing that we started our day with. And we’d walk to daily mass and the songs and the poetry and the music and the Eastern mysticism and like all the different things that she experienced. ’cause she came back through the Byzantine ride of the Catholic Church. 

She just poured into us and I was a really open and receptive. Vessel for her. And so her storytelling, her conversion, all of that made such an impact in who I was and who I became as a young woman. And so a lot of times when people do ask me about how she raised us, I do feel special. It was a real gift, something that I certainly didn’t merit, but definitely received.

Sterling: I think you can tell when you interact with anyone in your family. Right? Because, you know, five of you adult siblings live here in, so I know her siblings and their kids and some of their grandkids. Like it’s a whole clan that lives here.

And you’re all very special, very touched by something. And I love that. It really is. ’cause I’ve talked to all of them. You know, like, what was it like growing up? But the thing that really stands out is just that conversion, that she was so on fire for Christ and that she would pull you guys in and read little snippets of things. And her mom lives here too, and I love hanging out with her mom.

So like, I also wanna curl up at her feet and be like, just talk to me, Carol. Just tell me things. Yes. And, I watch her give this talk about St. Charbel, who I didn’t know. He’s a middle Eastern saint. You guys should go look him up. It was just the most moving talk. It was so cool, and so she’s very special.

But you know, it’s like you, when I talk to all of you guys, you never talk about the schooling that you did or the sports that you did. A lot of you are very athletic, or even the music. And music is a big part of your family, but it’s really just this, like that your mom loves the Lord. And that you could just feel it. 

And so I just wanna put so many of you at ease that we get, I think, a little focus sometimes on math or reading or accomplishments. And don’t forget. Those things aren’t bad, but just don’t forget to sit with your kids and tell them that you believe in Christ, that you believe that he died for our sins. That you believe in the truth, goodness, and beauty of the Catholic church. Like that goes a long ways to, you know, bringing these kids and keeping them in the faith. 

Chantal: For sure. And I think the, probably the greatest gift she gave me was her belief in me. Her belief in us as kids to be receptive to the message of the gospel, to actually, you know, even as young people. That we were completely capable of embracing the depth of truth. And so the conversations always feel like she elevated conversation. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: It was never twaddle. It was never cheap. It was always deep. I remember, I mean, just the morning, she would just open a book. I’m looking at Lift Up Your Heart by Fulton Sheen. And I remember that one in particular. I remember pages of that book that she’d be like, come, let’s talk about it. The ego, the i, the true who you are. You know, she would, she would just, so invite us into the fullness of what it was to be, faithful. 

And so I think that’s probably the greatest gift she gave us, was just her belief in us. And from that standpoint, I think everything that we did, whether it was adventuring or cooking or cleaning, it was like we were all on the same journey. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: There was no like, she’s further down the road or better or, you know, or we were these teens that couldn’t handle it, so we should water it down. None of that. She expected and called us on, but not in a demanding way, but in a, I believe in you kind of way. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: And that was so special. 

Sterling: Yeah. One of the things that I really love about your children, well tell us the ages of your children. Let’s do that. 

Chantal: Okay. Yeah. So we’re 22 to six months currently.

Sterling: Right. 

Chantal: So, right. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: It’s a big spread. It’s a big spread. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: I kind of am watching it all. 22-year-old has kind of flown. 19. So 20. Yeah. 22, 20, 17. 14, 10. 

Sterling: Yeah. We’ve got a senior in high school. Freshman in high school. 

Chantal: We’ve got a 10-year-old and a five-year-old. Kindergarten. 

Sterling: Kindergarten.

Chantal: Yep. 

Sterling: Little man, little baby man. Okay. so, you know, I met you five years ago and it was kind of unofficial that my girls just started spending time with your girls and it was so great for me as a convert. You know, I was raised, first of all, just alone and steeped in the culture. I love finding things that Chantal’s never seen or heard, like there’s just a lot of my childhood that she is untouched by.

And I’m a little jealous of that. Like there are so many things that I wish I hadn’t been exposed to and I see that you can be a perfectly fine human being and like not know the words to Country Grammar by Nelly. That song came on the radio the other day, you guys, and I just knew all the words and I was so embarrassed. I knew all the words to that song. So don’t look it up if you never heard that song. Just tuck that away into.

Chantal: I won’t 

Sterling: Rap. You don’t need to know that song at all. but so my girls started to watch your girls. And I think you gave me either visually an example or language for what I wanted them to be because I knew I didn’t want them to be how I was in my childhood, but I didn’t know.

And so big asterisk to all the rest of the things that we’re about to talk about. I’m going to say things like rad, trad or prairie girls, just to give a sense of. I think when we talk about raising girls, there’s this far right extreme version of it, and I’m not even saying that that’s wrong, I’m just saying it’s not what I want.

I don’t want girls who never wear pants and who aren’t in the world at all, who have no reference at all to anything current that’s going on. Kind of like really just being Amish, right? The Amish very clearly have cut themselves off from the world and created this bubble, and that’s not what I wanted for my girls. 

I wanted something where they were feminine and really faithful and loved being Catholic. But they could like throw shorts on and play tennis, and they could hang in a room full of. You know, regular people, whether they were Catholic or not. And I didn’t have a great example of what that looked like. And then I met your girls and I feel like your girls, you know, the oldest three.

Have such a great balance of being kind of hip and trendy and cute and fun and well-spoken, but athletic and into music and they can just kind of hang in any room, is kind of my opinion of them. 

And I’ve watched. My girls emulate them, and I just wanted to bottle that. I was like, oh, how did you do that? How did you do that with your girls? And how did you make that look cool to my girls? And that’s really what Catholic Finishing School is all about. 

So tell us a little bit about, I dunno, let’s give them some language for shaping these girls in these formative years so that they’re not like totally prairie Amish kids, but also not up necessarily on all of the pop culture things in a detrimental way.

Chantal: Yeah, absolutely. I think it’s a fine line because again, there’s so many pull on them naturally that we are, in large part, fighting the culture. That is probably the louder voice, but we can go to the other extreme and get really overprotective, and I think that’s the benefit of having been homeschooled. I got to see those extremes lived out in my own. 

Experience of being homeschooled in my own experience of what it was like to feel sometimes overly sheltered and other times like, oh, I need to be able to still mingle and run on the cross country team. And, I was a gymnast and I had to exchange and learn how to, you know, navigate being in the athletic world where there was a lot of vanity and a lot of glamor and a lot of, you know, self focus.

And so. I, you know, kind of having had the blessing of watching my homeschooling education play out for myself, I think made a big difference. I also spent time in religious life, discerning religious vocation. 

And so the fact that I got to have that added level of experience, if you will, I think allowed me to come to raising my daughters a little bit ahead of the game, so to speak, because it was like, oh, I’ve been here. Right? 

And I remember what it felt like to feel somewhat sheltered in certain environments and like you said, the songs or the pop culture and different things. And I had to get really comfortable with being like, yep, I have no clue what you’re talking about, and I’m okay with that. 

Sterling: Yeah.

Chantal:  I really wanna preserve my innocence. Please don’t tell me none. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: I had to put things, but at the same time I wanted to have confidence and I wanted to be able to emerge and. Hang with, especially as young girls get older, they just wanna be respected amongst people who are older than them. 

Sterling: Right. 

Chantal: In large part.

Sterling: Right. Yeah. 

Chantal: They just look up and it’s those types of things that can either get you in trouble or help you actually.

Sterling: Right.

Chantal: Be mature and handle yourself well. And so it comes with a formation that I think is, I don’t know how we wanna describe it. Middle of the road sounds like Luke one. 

Sterling: I know. 

Chantal: And I don’t want, and that’s not what I’m looking, that’s not what I’m at all trying to intimate. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: But it’s not.

Sterling: To me it’s like in the world, but not of it.

Chantal: Exactly. 

Sterling: That’s how exactly your girls feel to me’s perfect. They feel like they can hang in the world, but they are not of it. You can feel the difference. You can feel that there’s something kind of like untouched about them. And that’s very, very lovely. 

Chantal: And the key to that is getting our kids converted at the heart. Right?  At the heart of it, because the second we’re pushing it, the second we’re forcing it, then we experience rebellion and you end up with the, you know, the situations that are not so great. We’ve been through that. We didn’t do it perfectly. We’ve seen those seasons emerge in our lives.

But when their hearts are converted, and that’s really again, goes back to my mom’s, like, she just believed in us and she just shared the truth with us in a way that was so infectious. Then they want higher things. 

They want excellence. They want to pursue things in a way that doesn’t, dumb them down or demean them or put them in this, you know, stereotypical box of what it looks like to be a teenager. All of my girls were just like, please do not associate me with teenagers. Like that is not, I’m not one of those. 

Sterling: Yeah

Chantal: And when we say that, again, that sounds can sound a little off-put or arrogant. So then we have to come back in and say, all right. We still have to love those that are hard to love, and we still have to relate to those that don’t have the blessings that you have. And you still have to learn how to, you know, to reach down and to aspire upwards without this big, giant challenge of your ego getting in the way. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: And that’s the balance that we have to strike. And we do that through formation. We do that gently through giving them good. You know, role models and images and really just talking about things, giving language to things that otherwise, I think we almost, we again, as moms, we get stuck and we go, I don’t know what it is, but something’s gotta change here. This awkwardness.

Sterling: Right.

Chantal: This brashness this, you know, kind of egotistical version of my kid. Like, Ooh, something’s off there. And when we can bring them out of that for a minute and just say, Hey, what is it you really want? What are you seeking? Did you know that you actually have the freedom to choose? I love elevating the conversation with teenagers. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: ’cause they’re so much more capable. 

Sterling: They are.

Chantal: Then we give on and that we let them believe. And so the second we can elevate the conversation, I think they go, oh, I actually can choose that. 

Sterling: Yeah.

Chantal: That’s a different option. 

Sterling: I don’t want, when you guys see, just like she was saying, when you notice,  kind of gaps with your girls or they’re starting to have behavior patterns that you don’t like, that doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong. That’s literally what parenting is for. 

It’s like we watch it get to a place where it comes out and we’re like, Ooh, she’s being a little sharp or snarky or judgmental or withdrawn, or a little too obsessed about how she looks or a little too obsessed about how other people look. And then it is our job that is the moment to bring them back.

And so I don’t want any of you to ever feel guilty, like you’ve screwed it up or nothing can be changed. These girls are so young. But a good example is my, one of my daughters, was feeling a little insecure about how she was looking. And I listened to a conversation with her and another girl who’s just very naturally beautiful, and I could tell she was feeling insecure.

And so my daughter started talking to her about like her hair and her skin and, but it was a little grassy. It was a little desperate. And we feel bad when we hear those things, and we don’t always hear their interactions with their friends, but sometimes we do and we’re like, Ooh, that’s not great. 

And I think what’s so great about the program that you’ve created is you are giving language to some of these things to help the moms. Have those conversations without it coming out as shaming or this is so bad, why would you do that? It’s so much better to couch it in like, oh yeah, this is totally normal, that we’re awkward at this stage and we put our foot in our mouth. Or we say things that are perhaps lack charity.

And then we just help them smooth it out, and that’s how you end up having lovely adult children. It’s not that they were like that from the start, it’s that you feel equipped. To have those conversations with them. 

Chantal: Absolutely. Yeah. And I, my family and my girls in particular, we definitely have a romantic streak. Our hearts are just drawn towards beauty  and art and music and the finer things of life. And that’s been a real blessing, but it’s also one of those things that’s a great vehicle and catalyst for those kinds of conversations. Right. 

And so you’re looking at different role models and why would finishing school of old even exist? Why are we bringing that back? Well, not just to make our girls eligible, although there is something to be said about that in a world where it’s harder and harder for young people to meet and connect and build healthy relationships.

But more than anything, it’s because there’s divine romances happening all around us. We’re trying to give them a sense of like, God is after your heart. He wants you to be. Beautiful. He wants you to be fully alive in who you are. 

His vision for your life is so much bigger, and so let’s dwell on those things. Let’s think about those things. I love the quote and one of the quotes that we draw from in finishing school all the time is just from Philippians 4:18. I think it’s 4:8, but just think on these things. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: What is, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is noble, whatever is wholesome, right? That’s where we want to put our gaze, and so if we can give them pictures, images, conversation starters, and then skills, and that’s the other thing, right? I think it’s just, honestly, it’s skill-based more than anything. 

Yes, the story is important and we wanna make it beautiful and fun for them to experience developing themselves, but more than anything, it’s just a skill. Your brain actually functions this way. You can make a decision on how to think, what emotions you’re going to allow to come in, how you’re going to navigate that. 

The words you use, if you are stuck saying like every other word, you know, that’s gonna be a turn off and it’s not gonna turn out great. When it comes time for you to have an intelligent conversation with somebody, you’re trying to, you know, build a relationship with or, yeah. Making friends. 

I mean, there’s so many themes and I think that’s probably the one thing that’s hard for me to communicate is when we think about 14 to 19. There’s so many facets of their life that are being stretched. Their ability to make friendships, their ability to navigate being in the home and still be obedient and be kind, but at the same time beginning to stretch themselves and discern their own vocations. 

Things like how to take care of their hair. What is their style? What is modesty? What does modesty look like? And actually.You know. Feel like when you’re in real life versus just, you know, talking about it in terms of, you know, some strange guidelines like, well, are these shorts too short? 

Sterling: Right, right. 

Chantal: Is this work? And my girls often ask me, they’ll just come to me. They’ll be like, mom, so hey, does this pass? Like, is this. It’s okay. Yeah. 

Sterling: Yeah.

Chantal: That is, that works. And that discernment in real life comes down to us as moms not being afraid to roll up our sleeves and get in the uncomfortable with them sometimes. 

Sterling: Yeah. And I’ve had to learn a lot because I was kind of a punk rocker. I didn’t braid my hair. I wasn’t trying to be modest. There’s like what you said about skills is so true. And also. For those of you that are like me, my oldest did not wanna hear any of it for me. 

She did not wanna hear any of it for me. So it was really, I was so grateful for my friendship with you because she would come and see your girls and she’d be drawn to it and then I could ask questions in front of her like, oh, how do your girls do their hair like that?

And then you could say, oh, they leave this thing in their hair overnight. That kind of gives them waves. And all of a sudden, you know, my daughter started being much more interested in you know, doing her hair and looking a little more soft and, because she was definitely a little more athletic and that was okay when she was 10, right?

But as she’s aged and she’s 14 and a half now, she really cares a lot more. But it really did require her to have some more skills. The other thing is this morning. It was her first day of classical conversations and she put on, we have this Joan of Arc shirt that’s like black and white, and it’s a little bit of an asymmetrical shirt.

It’s modest and really cute, but it definitely has a rebellious feel to it. It definitely has like a, I’m different kind of feel to it. And, she said, oh, should I wear this on the first day of school? And I said, well listen, it’s modest. It was and cute. And I said, but it sends the message. You are a little bit rebellious.

And I said, do you wanna send that message on the first day of school? You know, and I kind of let her choose. She ended up picking a different Joan of Arc shirt that she has that was much more tame. but these are the things that we are gonna be navigating with them. And we may not even have the answer.

But I think being able to ask them really good leading questions, like, well, why, or do you want to say this? And then giving them, like you said, trusting them to make the decision is really important. 

Chantal: Right. Yeah. Empowering them, helping them to know that we believe in them. And I think back to my own growing up, since we’ve kind of weaved that story in today, and I think about the athlete in me. ’cause that was my story too. I was the most tomboy of tomboys, let’s be honest.

Like I remember, I mean, I have pictures. I think I was seven years old riding bareback with no shirt on. Like I was tomboy. To the core and then a gymnast, and then, you know, so that athletic side and all I wanted to wear was athleisure, you know, like type of, you know, clothing.

And then it was living in Colorado where everything just had to be, you know, a certain brand name of Patagonia or, you know, North Face in order for it to cross my path and what I encountered was again, when I fell in love with the Lord. And our lady and I began to see the woman that they were trying to like pull out of me with softness, with gentility. All these words like meekness and mildness and tenderness and mercy. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: All this language began to just make me go, well, I’m nothing of those things. I’m loud, I like to talk all the time. I punched a boy at a birthday party and made his nose bleed. I was so intense. My sister, when my older sister, she said when people walked in the door when you were little, it was like you would jump up and lick them like a dog. Like I was so over the top. 

And so I really feel for these young women who have to find themselves. And a lot of it is recognizing their natural gifts, but learning to tame them, to temper them to mature themselves and to find their place where they’re not being lost in the midst of it, or put into some cookie cutter, you know, expectation, which by the world is what, by the way, is what the world does, right?

They say this is what a teenager is, and they have to conform to that in order to keep up with their peers when they recognize that they actually are innately good. Innately worthy, innately beautiful, that the theology of the body is etched into who they are. Like that’s what the conversation I wanna have with them because then they go, oh, I am enough.

And from that standpoint, I can begin to make choices that are more aspirational towards the saints that I study, the people that I see that are living that life and. I don’t know. I just think it’s a beautiful journey and it’s one that I’m very excited to take these young girls through. The course has 12 lessons, 12 primary lessons.

And so we’re focusing on, we start out with the foundation of the theology, the body, and we talk about things like your mindset and how you can actually manage your mind. I wanna give them that skill right away. As a Catholic coach, that’s a huge.

Sterling:  ’cause, really. What is their inner voice, you guys.

Chantal: Exactly.

Sterling:  Right. Like we say mindset and people are like, what is that? It’s like the monologue that’s running through your head. And when you look in the mirror and you think, I’m so tired and old, right? Like they’re also saying something. 

And so I will put them in front of the mirror and I will make them say, I’m so beautiful. God loves me so much. To wire that in their brain and to create a different voice, I just think that should be the number one thing. That we’re all trying to do is to change that voice, because that voice will be also the foundation of their faith. You know, like whatever they’re thinking about. 

Chantal: Yes. And that’s one of the exercises I actually give them, is to be able to stand in front of the mirror and look at themselves and love what they see.

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: And then decide what needs shifted, you know, what is the, what is, like you said before, what are you communicating with your presence? We talk about poise, we talk about confidence, we talk about language. We talk about how we communicate, not just with our words, but with our body language.

I mean, teenagers are notorious for their overuse of body language, whether it’s the side eye or, you know, the slouch or the, you know, the grouchy, totally upset face. I mean, let’s just be honest. Like there’s a lot of body language that they’re throwing around. Do they have control over that? Are they aware of that? 

So, talking about that, we also  try to lean into some, again, some practical skill building around the choices of media they consume. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: What does a cultured Catholic look like? What does, what is going to be enriching to them? How are they engaging with the world? What are those choices? another. Dimension. I’m just trying to go through kind of some of the highlights. 

Sterling: It’s a lot. And you guys, you got, we’ll put the link to the website. 

Chantal: Yeah.

Sterling: And you can read all about it. It’s so much. and then you’re breaking up the age groups. Is it four 14 through 16?

Chantal: Right. Then we have some coaching. So 14 to 16 year olds in a group coaching call. And then, 17 to 19 year olds in a group call. 

Sterling: Yeah, and I just wanted to say that, ’cause some of you must be thinking like, oh, those are so different. The ages are, and they really are. I feel like the subject matter is the same, like how you talk to yourself, but the flavor that that comes out when you’re 14 versus 17 is, you know, it’s such a huge difference in those years.

Chantal: Yeah. It really is. And those, you know, between 17 and 19, these are young women that in many respects, are looking to start their lives, whether it’s in college or in marriage, right? I mean, these are discerning young women, 14 to 16, we’re still trying to figure out who we are and, you know, that needs to happen.

So I think it’s an exciting venture just to bring this to the forefront and help young women find themselves, but in an authentically Catholic way. And I will say my older daughter, Jacinta, she’s been one of the key supports for this. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: She’s constantly checking in on my posts and what I’m sharing, what I’m saying, and she’s challenging me left and right.

Sterling: It’s adorable. She has lots of thoughts, you guys about Chantal being on Instagram. She’s like, no, mom, you need to do it this way. Like, we shoot that mom. It needs to be different. It’s adorable. 

Chantal: And it’s been really helpful because it’s really nice being inside her head and helping, you know, to her, helping me to see. What she sees. 

Sterling: Right. 

Chantal: As a young woman. And, I think the most beautiful thing is this generation wants depth. They want tradition, they want poise, they want class. 

Sterling: Yes. 

Chantal: I think that’s a word that’s emerged more and more. 

Sterling: Yes. 

Chantal: They want to feel put together and like they have skills and they can host and they can speak to people and they can go get a job if they need to, or encounter a young boy and actually know what they want in a relationship versus falling into it and hoping that they don’t screw up.

Sterling: Right? 

Chantal: And, all of these kinds of topics are being pulled in and themed and weaved throughout. So it’s a really special experience to be entrusted with. 

Sterling: Yeah.

Chantal: Helping to form young women. And so I think from one mom to another, I think that’s the biggest thing is I just want to say sometimes it’s nice to have somebody that you trust as a mom.

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: To speak to your daughter and to reinforce what it is that you’ve probably said or would say and. Just to give them that other voice and a place to explore these themes that, you know is authentically Catholic and safe. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: It’s gonna help. 

Sterling: And I’ll just vouch for Chantal, which is why I wanted her to come on the podcast. Like I really would trust all of my girls to her and I really have, like I’ve, they’ve spent so much time with you and you know, there’s sometimes where I’m like, Hey, could you talk to them about this? And I know that they will be more receptive to hear it from you than me. And not just the truth sometimes.

Sometimes they just need to hear it from a different adult. Then their mom, it’s not even that they don’t trust you, it’s just they just need to hear from someone else because they’re not quite sure that you’re telling the truth. And then for me personally, you know, I just didn’t know what I wanted to say ’cause I didn’t grow up that way.

And so I felt like I wanted to shape them into these kinds of girls, but I didn’t know how to do that. And so I’m so glad. That this is being put into a class format because I think there are a lot of moms like me, like just nineties moms that weren’t raised Catholic and we love the Lord, but now we’re like, shoot. Maybe they shouldn’t be watching friends all the time. 

You know what I mean? I was just explaining friends to Rosemary the other day. I was like, there was a show that was very popular when I was younger, but they were all just sleeping around and it was not a great show and you know, but it was so iconic and it was so funny and it was such a big part of my, like, high school experience.

But I will say it’s been very interesting to watch my girls have, I would say, even a higher bar than I have for what they read and what they watch and what they listen to. And they’ll go, mom, I don’t think this is appropriate. And then I’ll kind of key in and be like, yeah, you’re right. Actually.

Chantal: Yeah.

Sterling: I don’t think it’s appropriate. Maybe we shouldn’t watch or listen to that. 

Chantal: Yeah, and I’ll just, again, that’s the trend. Young women want higher standards. They want greater depth, they want greater beauty. They want their femininity. They’ve watched a culture try to steal that from them. 

Sterling: Yeah.

Chantal: Right. To take femininity and womanhood and screw it up and twist it and can, you know, pervert it. And so they do want that. And I think the other piece though is that in this young age, we also ultimately are responsible for forming them in charity. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: Informing them to, you know, ’cause any extreme of this, like we said in the beginning, whether it’s the rad trad side of things or the loosey goosey, do whatever you want.

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: You know, model, there’s a call to virtue and that’s the overarching theme of finishing school is just like, look, you’re not finished. Even though you’re a teenager and you think you’ve got it all figured now, guess what? You’re not. And even as moms, we’re not.

Sterling: Right. 

Chantal: And so we’re gonna venture down this path of seeking God’s will in our life and seeking to become who we are called to be. And this is gonna take us a lifetime. So, you know, that is kind of the yeah. Finishing school. It’s kind of ironic. It’s like, well, we’re not finished. 

Sterling: Right.

Chantal: We’re never finished. It’s a becoming. But in the interim, we have an obligation to skill up, to train up and to become the best versions of ourselves for the sake of glorifying the king. Bringing the gospel to life in a beautiful way. And that I think is the part that is so fun to see, was when young girls finally say, you know what? I love the Lord and I’m gonna choose, my decisions are going to be based on that first. 

Chantal: Yeah. Yeah. And that’s the number one thing I teach. All of them is just discernment. And I’ll ask them, you know, they’ll  say, oh, I wanna live in, you know, I wanna go to Hawaii and live there. Some one of them really wants to live in Hawaii. And I’m like, I don’t know why, but she does. 

And then I’ll go, okay, but where do you wanna live? And she’ll say, Hawaii. Like, it’s so cool, mom and I go, but where do you wanna live? I’ll ask her again. She goes, oh. Yeah, I wanna live where God wants me to live, but she totally gets it. Like she totally gets that’s what I want of them and I see it in them. 

And it’s not, I want you guys to know it’s not like. We are mythical good Catholic families and you’re not one of the good Catholic families. Right? I think we have this idea that there are these, like I’m not a cradle Catholic and I wasn’t raised Catholic and I don’t have all of the answers, but I’m willing to keep asking the questions myself as a mom, and I’m willing to try to shape them. 

And it really works. I mean, it really works. Just having some of these conversations with them and drawing their hearts away from the world and back to what we believe and then sending them back out into the world. Right? We don’t wanna bubble these kids and not have them be able to get jobs and meet people. But we have to be aware even of the battle that we’re fighting with them. 

Chantal: Well, and maybe I’ll just round it out by saying, I have one daughter who journeyed through the same quote unquote Catholic finishing school, right. My motherhood. And she really struggled to embrace it at first, right? She did. She ended up falling and having some real hard challenges in her life. But every aspect of that formation has come around.

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: ’cause the seeds were planted and she, not only does she embrace it all fully now, it’s more alive in her than ever before. So teaching her to, yeah, these are the standards, but darling, if you fail, fail forward into the mercy of God. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: And keep striving. My other daughter is now married, young, married. Right? Just married.

Sterling: Young married.

Chantal: Yep. Married. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal:  She was 18 when they got married and she’s now at college and going through music school and discerning when they’re gonna have their first baby. And, you know, they’re like deep into newly weed land and all of these same skills are showing up. Mom. And she’s the one that’s like, did not want to cook a thing. She was just. And she thought, oh, I’m just gonna like buy groceries that were pre-done, and.

Sterling: Yeah.

Chantal: It would be fine. And all of a sudden it’s like, that’s really expensive. And no, you actually need to, and so she does. She’s just like, mom, I need another recipe. I’m gonna stretch myself here. I need to learn these things. And so, even again, she’s not finished. 

Sterling: Right. 

Chantal: She’s not finished. It’s still emerging, but she has such an appreciation for the gifts that I did plant because she is turning around more and more and like, oh, can you teach me how to do that thing that I didn’t wanna listen to beforehand? 

And then my last daughter, just coming up the ranks now, she’s 17. She’s a sweet girl, but we’re deep in the middle of discerning. What do you want? What are the dreams of your heart? What are the desires of your heart? It’s okay to not know, but at the same time we have to teach them how to dream rightly and to do so with prayerfulness. 

So it’s a fun adventure and obviously I have a whole another crew still to raise, and I’m sure there’ll be lots more, learning along the way. But it’s a sacred season and it starts earlier than we think. 

Sterling: Yes. 

Chantal: So my encouragement would be just like no matter where you are, just begin by making an intentional decision to form them, not just academically, but in their feminine nature, and to give them those skills that are often overlooked. 

Sterling: Yeah. I love that and I hope there’s a man out there who makes the, you know, equivalent for boys, but we’re not doing that. We’re not tackling the men and someone should go make them all knights in shining armor. But this program really is for girls 14 to 19, broken up into two ages, and I just really think that. All girls need this. 

I think all girls need these skills and need these years of refinement, and I think it’s really nice to have a safe place to take them. A safe place that is gonna be really rooted in that Catholicism that we love, but also helping them to remember to put on deodorant, which is, you know, sometimes just the important thing that we need to impress upon them. 

So if you are interested in that, go to catholicfinishingschool.com. And then your Instagram handles. Catholic finishing school too, right? 

Chantal: Yes. 

Sterling: So fun. 

Chantal: Yes. 

Sterling: You can see with Chatal and her daughter whip up over there, but I’m excited I, Rosemary will go through it even though you’ve kind of been unofficially doing that with Rose for so long. But the girls here are very excited to go through this program and this is the kind of program that you can send them through on their own or you can get a group together.

Whether it’s at your parish or you just organize it yourself and do it with a group of girls because, you know, I want them to know that they’re not weird and they’re not alone. I always tell them, I’m like, everyone feels awkward at 13 and 14. Everyone, there’s no one who like figured that out and it’s just gliding into a room feeling cool as a cucumber. Like all of us feel weird. 

Chantal: Yeah. 

Sterling: You know, in those years. 

Chantal: But then when we give them a few key tips to pay attention, how to read the room, how to hold themselves, how to ask questions. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: Right. How to not be weird. That’s one of the skills I talk about. Like that’s solvable. 

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: It’s really solvable and it’s so special. The sooner we give them that capacity, the more they’re gonna be able to enjoy their teen years instead of just.

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: Stumble through it. 

Sterling: It’s been really neat to see with my girls, and we’re just at the beginning. Obviously we have many, many more years to go, but I’m very proud of them and a great deal. Thanks to you and your family, like getting to see this modeled out for me. I’m like, yeah, I kind of see where I want them to go. 

And how I can lead them there gently without forcing them into it, shoving them into it or shaming them into it. I think that’s sometimes when we’re scared you guys, when we are coming from the feeling of fear, that’s how it comes out, right? We yell at them or we shame them and it’s just ’cause you’re scared for them. 

You love them so much that you’re scared for them, but there’s this other way, this soft, gentle, inviting way where you can kind of pull them into something beautiful and kind of mysterious and wonderful and that’s how we want to be. Be raising these kids. So thank you so much for coming on. 

Chantal: Thank you. 

Sterling: Maybe we’ll have you on like a year from now and we’ll talk about all the things. I wanna like hear what all the girls are asking and like know what too is going on. 

Chantal: Yeah. It’s really exciting. Thank you for having me and for sharing this forward and yeah, it’s gonna be a great adventure. One that I know is gonna be just gonna bear grapefruit for the.

Sterling: Yeah. 

Chantal: For right now it’s such a timely moment. 

Sterling: Yes. 

Chantal: For young women to step up. 

Sterling: Yeah, absolutely. 

Alright you guys, well thank you so much for listening. Please pray for me and I’m praying for you and have a blessed day.