Family vacation: the two words that promise relaxation but deliver chaos. Sunscreen battles. Car meltdowns. The hotel room that’s way too small. And somehow you come home more tired than when you left.

This best-of episode is real talk about what vacationing with kids actually looks like — and how to enjoy the trip anyway.

In this episode, I share practical wisdom for keeping your peace on the road.

We talk about:
* Why vacations with kids are just parenting in a different zip code
* How to lower your expectations and raise your enjoyment
* Practical tips for road trips, flights, and hotel rooms with littles
* Choosing to make memories even when things go sideways

If you liked this episode, you’ll also enjoy:
 hy Catholic Moms Love and Hate Summer (Best Of)
 Summer Goals That Actually Work for Busy Moms
 Summer Jealousy: When Other Moms’ Lives Look Better

If you’re heading on vacation this summer and want to actually come back with your peace intact — that’s the kind of resilience we build inside Mary’s Heart Martha’s Order. Learn more at catholicmomcalm.com/marysheart

So I was coaching someone, many someones, but everyone’s coaching was kind of like, I went somewhere with kids and it was terrible. How can I manage my mind? And one mom in particular was saying, how can I manage my mind so I can enjoy it? 

And I said, Hey, I don’t think you can enjoy it. To be honest, she had a lot of little kids and maybe some moms can enjoy going to a different house without all of their stuff. With a little, a lot of little kids, I probably cannot, this is just not even one of my goals. 

And so I said, Hey, why are you taking this vacation? And she said, well, my husband really wanted to go and we wanted to create family memories. And I think that’s why most people take vacations. But the kids were young. I said, Hey, your kids aren’t even gonna remember this. 

And there was like a lot of crying and a lot of not sleeping. And a lot of, I’m sure just when we go on vacation, we eat not great food, which contributes to the crying and the not sleeping and everyone not having a good time. 

But I said, you know, I think taking pictures. Creating memories for the parents, taking pictures and having the kids see the pictures later, that’s pretty valuable to me actually. So even though I know that kids may not remember what we did, I create a photo book every year and my kids think they remember some of the trips we’ve taken. They for sure do not. for sure.

But what they do remember are seeing the photos in the photo book. So a few times we have packed up the kids when they were little and driven across country to see my husband’s parents, but I didn’t call it a vacation. And I think that’s one of the first ways we get tripped up is we call it a vacation. 

But vacations are supposed to be relaxing. Vacations are supposed to be restorative. I also think vacations ought to be fun. I don’t know that that’s a hard and fast rule, but my brain kind of thinks, oh, this is gonna be fun. When I take little kids somewhere, I think we’re going to take a trip. It’s like a business meeting, right? Like, we’re gonna take this trip.

What do we need to pack? What’s the agenda? How can I set myself up for success? Right? I basically write like a mini business plan for the trip. And so, if you have a vacation planned with little children, you just get to ask yourself, what is my goal? Why are we doing this? What do I wanna get out of this? Is it possible to have fun? 

If I already just told you that feeding kids vacation food and having them sleep in unfamiliar rooms, probably without blackout curtains and noise machines isn’t usually very effective. And then everybody’s tired and crabby and short-tempered. And you’re gonna live like that for five days in an Airbnb on the beach.

Like, how’s that? How do you think that’s gonna go? How do you think you’re gonna feel? Do you still wanna take this trip? Why do you still wanna take this trip? I just want you to reframe it. I just want you to be realistic about it and set yourself up for success. 

So here’s some questions I’d like to ask. What is my mission? So when we put the kids in the car to drive across country to Michigan, my mission was that my husband’s parents could spend some time with the kids. I wanted to document the trip so they could see it. So they could see, oh, we used to visit the grandparents in Michigan.

That was pretty much it. I wasn’t going to have fun. I wasn’t going to relax. I really do like road trips with my husband. We actually connect really well in the car, so I enjoy that part quite a bit. And when we do that cross country trip, we also usually get an audio book, like a fiction audio book, and we listened to it together.

The last time we did it, we listened to Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson. It was amazing. Oh my goodness. It was so fun. And so. Why are you doing this? Why are you scheduling it? What are you hoping to get out of it? Do you think it’s even possible to get that what you desire out of this trip with little children?

Then I want you to ask yourself, what are the top three feelings you want to feel? And this is what I asked this mom because I said, Hey, enjoyment probably isn’t one of them. Like what are, what’s the best we’re shooting for here? With a bunch of tiny, tired, dysregulated humans in a house that doesn’t have all the things that we Americans have now become accustomed to using to raise children like blackout curtains and white noise machines.

One of the top three feelings you want to feel. I really like watching my kids have fun, taking them somewhere and watching them, even if I’m not having fun. I will feel really pleased with myself, like, Hey, Sterling, I’m really pleased with you or proud even. I’m really proud of you for making this cross country trip and creating this opportunity for your husband’s parents.

And I like that feeling. It’s a feeling of service. I really do like serving all of the other people who will have fun on the trip. I like feeling prepared. That is one of the feelings I really enjoy. I really enjoy feeling prepared. I had a plan for this. We had non-sick, non crumbly snacks. We often will buy things from the Dollar store or for good, from Goodwill for novelty factor. 

Like if you go to a house and they don’t have any toys and you just pull out a couple $2 toys from Goodwill, your kids will go bananas. And I was telling this mom, I said, Hey, you should go to a store and find crazy straws like those loopy Lou straws. It’s like, look at those crazy straws. Your kids are gonna love that. 

So they’re humans. Love novelty. We love things that we haven’t done before. You know that popcorn that you cook on the stove, you put it on the stove, and then it’s. in Aluminum, which probably isn’t great for us, but let’s just keep going and it puffs up into a big circle. It’s not even great popcorn, but the experience of it is so fun to do with children. They’re like, what? 

So you can create these kind of pockets of fun, these novel activities. And then also I’m a big fan of letting kids watch TV and movies when we’re somewhere else. ’cause you know, my family doesn’t do that very often and I for sure play that card when we are on a trip.

So how can you create novelty? How can you create breaks for yourself and what can you look forward to? So I think breaks for yourself, either when the kids are sleeping or when they’re watching something, or if somebody can watch them for you for a little bit, either a husband or a grandparent or something, even for an hour. 

What can you look forward to? What can you plan for you? Because moms, we usually pack everything, plan everything, make all the food, hold the crying babies, nurse the babies, manage the toddlers, just all of it. 

But I want you to plan something for you, and it might be, all right, husband, I’m gonna feed everybody breakfast, and then I’m gonna leave and I’m gonna go to a coffee shop for an hour. Just sit and drink coffee by myself. I’m gonna walk on the beach without you. I’m gonna read my book. I’m gonna go look at that cute little bookstore. 

Pick something that is for you, and you can do that with your husband too. You can say, Hey, what do we want to do together? What would we enjoy? So, you know, my husband and I really enjoyed that audiobook. And then there’s this hole in the wall Thai place that we always go to when we visit his parents. And it’s a really simple thing, but have things that you also are looking forward to. 

Okay, so I’m gonna recap it. Know what your mission is. Decide the top three feelings you want to feel, and then how can you set yourself up for that? How can you create novelty. Novelty feels exciting. It’s one of the reasons why we like the idea of vacations or trips because everything feels new.

But you can do that in simple ways too. Like crazy straws or pop rocks. Oh my goodness. Give your kids some pop rocks. They’ll blow their minds. And then what can you choose? That’s for you. 

Or maybe you even choose the you thing after the trip is over. You are like, listen, husband, especially if your husband wants to take the trip more than you do, okay, we’re gonna take the trip. I will make a really good plan for us to set us up for success. 

But then when we get home, I want, what is it time, maybe something in the house fixed, maybe to visit one of your friends. I think too often, Catholic moms in particular are just living for everyone else. They’re just constantly living for everyone else.

And that is not how God designed you to live. Yes, God asks us to serve our family, but not instead of yourself. You also need to love yourself. You also need to take care of yourself. And so. If you were the world’s best personal assistant, how would you plan this trip? How would you set yourself up for success? What could you plan to look forward to? What is your goal for this vacation? 

I hope this episode is helpful for you. I will reference it in the future. And I think that it is worth living life and going on adventures and doing things. I just think it’s so much more helpful when we’re honest about what it’s going to look like. 

Because if you take a two and a four and a 6-year-old and put them in a house where you don’t have all of their stuff and you’re off your routine and they’re eating a bunch of sugar, I can tell you how that’s gonna go.

And you may still think that it’s worth it, but go with your eyes wide open and love yourself so hard through it, and don’t dismiss all of your needs and don’t beat yourself up because you thought you should enjoy it and have fun. 

The answer is always love. How can you love yourself more? How can you put more love into this trip? How can you give thanks to the Lord for the time and the experience and the life?

Our goal here is to help you live with more peace, to help you walk more closely with the Holy Spirit, so you see yourself the way that God sees you. And mama, I promise God doesn’t want you at the end of your rope, taking care of everybody else but yourself and then telling yourself that you’re a bad mom. That is not how he wants you to live. 

So I hope you found this episode helpful and that you take many a memorable trip with your family and you have good plans and novel experiences and fantastic pictures, and most of all, that you build a really special and loving relationship with yourself along the way. Remember, you were made for greatness.

 Alright, my friends, I am praying for you. Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening and have a blessed day.