So I do talk a little bit about business in this episode, but I think it doesn’t matter whether you have. You know, a job or a hobby or there are other things that you do other than being a mom. And this episode is really about managing your mind so that you stop overthinking. 

And I make the case for how much I think moms are overthinking and how it’s draining our energy. And that is one of the reasons why we feel so tired and so burned out, and it’s not how much we have to do, and it’s not a matter of our available time. It’s really an overthinking problem. 

And so this was just such an amazing episode and I hope that you love it. Please share it with your friends, and I think that this goes really well with the Get Off your phone episode because what’s gonna happen as you start to get off your phone is your brain is going to start overthinking even more because it’s used to having that kind of chatter or those kind of inputs.

And so this work is immediately gonna come up for you when you start using your phone less. And so I just wanna share my experience and how I’ve been thinking about it and then how I’ve been compartmentalizing thinking and scheduling it so that it’s just not running all the time in the background. And I have had so much more energy and I am enjoying my life so much more, and it is just a gift that I wanna give all of you. So I hope that you enjoyed this episode.

It has been an exciting, I think, exciting couple weeks for me. I went to a four day Tony Robbins workshop. It was 12 hours a day for four days. It was super intense. I learned so much, and I’m sure that. Some of the things that I learned will come out over time in this podcast. It was so much that I feel like I’m still processing it.

But we’re gonna talk about one of the things today, which is, you know, maintaining a beautiful state as much as you can. And then after that four day workshop, everyone in my family came down with strep. And so all eight people in my family had strep. And even though that sounds really incredible. Like it would be so wildly disruptive and awful. 

The truth is, we would just stay at home and we played more games and we did watch a movie every day. So that’s something we don’t normally do. But since everyone was just kind of like, had low energy and didn’t feel great, we did that, which ended up being kind of sweet as a family.

And one Sunday we just stayed home for mass. Obviously when you’re strapped, don’t go to mass and we watched Father Mike Schmid’s MassLive, which is really lovely. Not live, it’s recorded, but you know, it’s a whole mass.

And it was in some ways disruptive to what I thought I was gonna do that week. Obviously I had like plans for what I was gonna do that week, but in another way it kind of showed me that we have such a flexible life anyway, that it really wasn’t very different than. Our regular life, so we didn’t go to some of the things that we normally leave the house for. 

But in general, because my husband and I are home all the time, when we homeschool the kids, it really was a pretty normal week. Other than that, everyone was kind of cooped up and didn’t feel really well, and there was a lot of coughing. 

The one thing that I think was. Extra unfortunate about it is that it was really raining that whole week too, and so we couldn’t even really play outside a lot. And so that just kind of added to the feeling of being cooped up. But it was a really beautiful thing that it fell over lent because we were able to talk to the kids about walking in the desert and not being comfortable. 

And if you think about what it’s like to leave the city and go into the desert and not have worldly comforts and to be bored and to, you know, I think of the desert being like hot and stuffy and you’re just kind of like, Ugh, nobody’s out here and there’s nothing to do. And so we were able to kind of thread that concept of Lent and walking in the desert with the kids about this. 

And the other thing that was interesting is my husband and I realized. After, you know, 15 years of having kids, we have never gotten strapped. That was the first time. So that was pretty incredible and we were celebrating that and I was proud of us for kind of looking for the good things in the hard.

And the other thing that we talked about a few times was just how incredible it is to have modern day medicine and that it wasn’t that long ago that if you got strep you could die. And how incredible it is to have antibiotics and of course there’s, you know, lots of conversations that happen around overusing antibiotics and killing gut microbiomes and things like that.

But the truth is, when you get strep and you could die, antibiotics are pretty amazing and they could save your life. And we were just feeling so grateful that, you know, it was uncomfortable and boring and we were cooped up, but nobody died.

So part of why I think I was able to go through eight people in our house having strep and have it not be so awful, emotionally, is because I was managing my mind. And I wanna talk about managing your mind and I want you to pay attention to how upset you are this week. I want you to pay attention.

I think women walk around feeling upset a lot, and upset is an interesting word. I think it covers a couple different flavors of strong emotions. You know, angry, sad, frustrated, trying to work out a problem. 

But most of us are pretty intelligent. We like thinking, we like problem solving, and. If you’re anything like me, your brain is just running a mile a minute all the time. All the time. When you’re walking, you’re thinking about what are we eating for dinner? What are we doing this weekend? What are we doing over spring break? What’s happening over the summer? 

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about Rosemary, who’s gonna be in ninth grade, and we’re just trying to decide what to do with her for school, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I noticed that when I was thinking about it, I felt upset. 

And it’s because I don’t really love any of the options. I don’t wanna send her to school. I can tell she’s kind of bored at home and she doesn’t feel challenged enough and she wants to see more people, but I’m not really sure how to create that for her.

And then there’s online school. There’s a really amazing high school an hour away. And anyway, it doesn’t matter, but you can kind of see as women, we, it feels like our job to think about things all the time. And most women are in charge of the finances and are thinking about, you know, all the kids stuff. We talk about the mental load that women carry. 

But my question is, ever since I went to this Tony Robbins workshop. Is it necessary? Is it even good that we spend so much time in our minds chewing on problems? And feeling some level of upset. Like when I think about the schooling options for Rosemary, I’m not crying. I’m not angry, I don’t feel hopeless. I don’t feel trapped. 

But every time I think about it, I do feel low level upset. Like upset and kind of annoyed and kind of like, ugh. I keep moving the Rubik’s cube in my mind. And I have not found a solution that I like. 

And this is a personal example, but you do this with your business too. And you’re doing it with probably 40 different topics that are ping ponging around your mind. And I’m just wondering how often are women walking around solving problems because they think it is good to do that and they’re just living their own lives? Low level upset?

The thing that occurred to me that I’ve really been just kind of meditating on and thinking about is how yummy it feels to sit and chew on a problem. In my mind, I really love thinking. I really love it. It makes me feel important. It makes me feel like I’m doing something and I’m good at solving problems. It’s kind of yummy to sit and think about problems. 

And yet I was really seeing how much energy it was taking because I don’t even consider myself an upset person. I would not describe myself that way. When I picture watching a movie of me, I’m like driving. 

Let’s say I’m driving. I just had to drop something off at the post office the other day. Total normal human activity to do. So I get in the car and probably the whole time I would have previously been thinking about something, some sort of problem in my business or in my life or with the house. 

You know, sometimes we’re thinking about repainting the. We have these, this railing when you come into our house and it’s kind of peeling and chipping and so you can see the wood now, and I’m like, oh yeah, it probably needs to be sanded. And I probably didn’t pick the right paint the first time that we painted it, and that’s why it’s coming off. So I need different paint.

And this would’ve felt like a worthy pursuit, a good use of my time to be driving and thinking about. The railing that you see when you come in my house, and yet the problem solving, there’s like a little bit of frustration built into it as you’re thinking about the problem. So far, most of the ones that I’ve come up with in my mind have low level frustration or we feel kind of upset while we’re thinking about it.

And so I go all the way to the post office. Let’s say I’m thinking about that, and then I’m standing in line at the post office and let’s say I’m thinking about wanting to visit my mom and you know, she lives in Oregon and how am I gonna do that? And I’d really like to take the girls. 

And I was thinking, should I take forest? That would change the trip, but I think it would be good for him. And I’m just chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing. 

But I’m telling you as I picture it, I know I’m low level upset while I’m doing it. It’s not clean problem solving, and the reason I know it’s not clean problem solving is because I will think about the same things 10 different times.

I don’t need to decide about Rose’s School right now. I don’t need to decide about painting the railing in my house, and I don’t need to decide if I’m gonna visit my mom and take forest with me. I have thought about all three of those things many, many times. So the thinking about those things did not create solutions to them.

And then there will be a moment, I think, inspired by the Holy Spirit. When we need to solve something, we will think about it again at the right time, with the right energy, and we will solve it, right? Probably all three of those things will be solved. I’ll figure something out for rows. We will or will not paint the, you know, steps sometime in 2025 and I’ll probably visit my mom and take forest or not.

And when it gets closer, I’ll probably just plan that trip and then I’ll have one conversation with my husband about, Hey, should I take forest or not? Should it be a girls trip, or should I tack-on this 7-year-old and we’ll just decide. 

All the sessions of thinking about it ahead of time felt interesting and maybe my brain enjoyed thinking about it, but it really was just draining my energy and it was spinning wheels because it wasn’t the final thinking that needed to happen.

And this wouldn’t be a problem if we weren’t all so tired and fritzed out. It’s a problem because you’re telling me that you’re exhausted and you’re stressed, and the mental load is too much. And I’m here to ask the question. Maybe we shouldn’t be thinking as much as we’re thinking, which is kind of a ridiculous thing to think about.

Like really? If I say, what if You need to think a lot less than you’re thinking right now. What if I drove to the post office and just quietly meditated on how beautiful a day it was or how free I am in my life? Or, one of the mysteries of the rosary, or how good and gracious God is? What if I just sat and thought about something wonderful that made me feel so good in my body?

The miracle of children and family life or springtime? There’s so many delightful things that you could think about that would feel good in your body that would not drain your energy, and I’m not so sure that this constant thinking, chewing, problem solving is getting us to the solution any faster. It’s just draining us. In the moments when I think we could be more present to our lives.

I was picturing Mary because I think she was probably a very thoughtful woman and had such a deep heart for the people around her, and yet I do not think that she sat with a crease brow over the dishes. Worrying about things. 

I do not think that she was trying to solve problems months in advance of something that was happening. I do not think that she felt the weight of all of the politics of the time while she was going for a walk to get water.

I think she walked so perfectly with the Holy Spirit that she just knew when it was time to solve a problem or not. Because if she was a homemaker, she had to solve problems. She had to find linens, she had to make food, she had to clean things, she had to prepare for Shabbat dinner, and then she also had extended family. So she probably thought about visiting Anne. 

I’m gonna go visit my mama. We know that she went and visited Elizabeth, but imagine her going to visit Elizabeth. Did she spend the whole trip worrying about who was gonna take care of her house when she was gone? Did she worry about having to catch up on things when she came back from this trip? I don’t think so. And obviously I don’t know. 

But I think that she was present to what God put in front of her and that she gave glory to God and she was always praising him and thanking him for the goodness that he put in her life and that when it was time for her to to solve something, she would use her brain and she would think about what she was gonna make for Shabbat dinner.

Maybe she even wrote down a list and then she would go to the marketplace and get it and be ready for dinner. I had this image of her in my mind at the marketplace, let’s say she’s getting food and she looks down and she sees Roman soldiers kind of roughing up a Jewish man. ’cause that, that would’ve happened in that time, right?

The Romans were in charge and they didn’t like the Jewish people, and they were very mean to them. They really treated them like second class citizens. And she would’ve seen that and her heart would’ve hurt in that moment. Right. 

She would’ve seen that and just had this real sense of injustice. It’s not okay that the people of Israel were being treated like that, and she probably would’ve prayed in that moment, like, Lord, be with that soldier, be with that Jewish man. Bring healing to our people. 

So I don’t think she didn’t experience any negative emotion. I think that would’ve appropriately hurt her heart, but she would’ve just given it to the Lord. I don’t think she would’ve dwelled on it for the 20 minutes. It took her to walk home thinking, Ugh, and I can’t believe we’re stuck here and the Romans are still in charge, and why doesn’t God change this? And this is so terrible. 

Should I do something about it? I don’t know. Maybe I should talk to Joseph about it. Like I just do not think she was chewing on, and I wanna say the world’s problems here because that is an example of something that was probably outside of what God was asking her to do, but I don’t even think she chewed on her own problems. Until it was time to solve them.

And this is where I think you can grow in self-trust. Part of why I think we chew on these problems, and again, inside your business and out of your business, but you’re probably doing this all the time, is because you don’t wanna forget. 

But do you think I’m gonna forget to make a choice about what Rosemary is going to do for school and let’s say I do forget about the stairs, the railing, and we don’t change that for a whole nother year. So all the people that come to my house for a whole nother year see chipped railing when they come to my house. 

Do you think I’m gonna forget to deal with it? And if you were able to forget to deal with it, maybe it’s because it wasn’t important, but don’t we trust the Holy Spirit to move us, move our hearts, and create a burning desire in us for everything? 

I feel like the Holy Spirit moves my heart to learn new things, and even to take a trip, I could feel that I had this idea that I wanted to visit my mom. And I haven’t planned it, and I probably will do it this year. And I think the Holy Spirit will just increase this desire in my heart until it’s time to decide. And then I will sit down and just decide. I’ll do all the thinking at once.

So many of us have what I’ll call open loops. In our mind it’s an open loop, and we’re just. Riding the loop, spinning and spinning and spinning. We’re riding the loop without solving anything. We’re just chewing on the problem. 

I don’t know that it’s getting us any closer to solving it because I think when it’s time to solve it, we just sit down and solve it. You’re very good at solving problems. You are very intelligent. You do see so many things. My question is, why do you need to be thinking about this now?

I really want you to challenge yourself. In this next week. I want you to notice how much you are thinking about problems and you’re just chewing on them and you’re not even solving them. And it makes you feel low level upset. And so after you do that for, I’m not joking, eight hours a day, you’re tired and you didn’t close the loop on anything.

And as you begin to notice this, because now I’m just, I have so much more awareness of what my brain is doing, and I’ve really been forcing it to just be. To just float through more moments to just be calm while I’m driving, to be quiet while I’m walking, to sit and observe the beauty around me or the special moments.

The other day I was sitting on the couch and just watching the boys play Uno, and I was just taking it in. And I’ll tell you as I’ve been practicing this for two weeks, this idea that we can just be in a beautiful state. 

Tony Robbins calls it a beautiful state where you’re just in a yummy, like calm, I would call it being at peace. To me, it feels like peace, like, oh, this is my life and I’m just in it and it’s beautiful and God is with me and this is what I’m supposed to be doing right now. And you do. You just see how incredible life is.

And I can just float from thing to thing to thing in my life. Maybe I get up and I make some tea and I’m tidying the kitchen and I come back and I sit and I watch the kids play and I don’t feel the need to sit on the couch and chew. On anything, and it has been, I will tell you, full disclosure, very weird. It has felt very weird to my body and my brain. 

I would say that it’s been pretty uncomfortable as I’ve been making this transition. I can feel that. My brain is like, wait, are we bored? Or is something wrong? Should we be thinking about something right now? 

It’s so far from how I have been living and it’s at such a different, I wanna say frequency, like when you can picture energy waves and there’s like tight ones that are going. like up and down really fast versus slower ones. 

That’s how it feels. It’s like I’m living in a different, I don’t know, frequency and it’s weird to my body and my body keeps looking around like, wait. Wait, are we missing something? And I just keep saying, no, I don’t think there’s anything we need to be thinking about right now.

And then I’m having much more intentional planning sessions or problem solving sessions where I know I need to sit down and think about a problem in my business or. With the kids or in the house, and then I wanna pray about it. So I bring the Lord in and I pray about it. 

And then those sessions have been so much tighter because they’re grounded in grace. And I’m actually talking to the Lord about it. Most of the time when you’re driving or walking and you’re just spinning out and chewing, you’re not really inviting the Lord into the problem solving like he’s watching you. 

Like, Hey, anytime you want me to be involved in that, I’m happy to come help you. It will feel very different if you have this conversation with me instead of a frantic like hamster wheel conversation in your own mind.

But what one of us has added a day to our life by worrying, and I’m really just seeing this so much more clearly, this frantic chewing this problem, solving this thinking, which I previously probably thought was a good and noble thing, and I enjoyed it. It was yummy to me. I like using my brain. I like being smart.

And yet, I see how dumb it is to imagine that there was like a file. A file, not the folder. There’s lots of folders in a drawer. So we open this drawer and there’s all these files, and you think that it’s helpful to open up each file and look at the papers and touch every paper and then put them back in. 

And I’m picking out this file and I’m opening it, and I’m touching all the papers in it, and then I slide it back in, and then I go to the next one and I pick it up and I touch all the papers in it and I put it back in.

And somebody comes up to you and they’re like, Hey, what are you doing? You’re like, oh, well I need to solve this problem. And so I’m touching all the paper in this file section. And the person goes, oh, but are you reading any of them? And you’re like, no, I’m just touching all of them. I’m just taking the files out and I’m just looking at them. And then I’m putting them back in.

And the person would be like, well that’s not really gonna solve the problem at all. And I’m like, I dunno, but it feels like it’s important and I’m doing this and you’re doing it. It feels good and you’re making progress ’cause you’re going through all the different files. And now we’re halfway through touching all of the files. 

I just love that visual because it’s kind of silly. And yet I think that’s how most of us are spending our mental energy. And then we’re complaining that we’re exhausted and burnt out, and it’s just because we are letting our thinking go unchecked all over the place. It’s not even very effective

And I don’t wanna take away from you the fact that you are really good at solving problems and you should think about problems and you will solve them. The punchline is always, I think that you do solve it. 

I just don’t know that the five hours of kind of thinking that you did in the car or laying in bed or when you were cooking dinner, I don’t think that thinking is getting you to the finish line any faster. I think we still just sit down and we do the good deep thinking one time and make the decisions and then move forward.

So this week, I want you just to pay attention to what your brain does when it’s not actually working. Because when I’m coaching or when I’m writing emails, this is not the problem. When I pull out my notebook and I’m planning, like what we’re gonna launch over the summer, I think about it and we make decisions, and my team and I, we just decide a lot of things and then we move on.

The thinking that I think is sinking us is the chewing and the chewing and the chewing and the riding the loops not closing the loops, and it’s not leading us anywhere. And it’s while we’re driving and we’re walking and we just feel this heaviness in our body and we feel like we’re carrying a million things. And it’s because you are. 

And I just don’t think Mary did that. I just do not think that she spun out on all the things that she could think about in her life all the time.

I want to be more present to my own life. I want to feel calm. I want to not be tired. And the transition has been weird and uncomfortable, but I can feel my body really accepting it. I can feel my body going, oh, this is who we are now. We are not frantic and we don’t waste time thinking when it’s not the right time to be thinking.

And if you’re not sure, you can pray. Let’s say you’re going for a walk and you feel really inspired when you’re in nature and you can say, Lord, what do you want me to think about right now? And maybe he does want you to solve a problem, but it shouldn’t feel as draining as the spinning on the hamster wheel and not getting anywhere version.

So pay attention to your thinking this week and pay attention to how effective your problem solving really is. Or are you just walking around being low level upset in your own life most of the time, and you think it’s problem solving, but really it’s just frustration and being upset and it’s not solving anything. And you’re missing out on being calm and present in this one beautiful life that you have. 

Alright, my friends, that was intense. But I love you and I’m taking you on this journey with me. Whatever I’m into, I just decide that all of you guys are gonna be into it. At least get to hear it on the podcast.

And I feel really excited about this new chapter of my life where I do thinking when it’s the right time to do thinking. And then other than that, I just am soaking up the beautiful life that’s in front of me and being present to that. I think that’s a really beautiful pursuit. 

Alright my friends, I’m praying for you. Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening and have a blessed day.