Nobody talks about this, but I will — bad PMS symptoms can wreck your motherhood, your marriage, and your mental health for days every single month.

The mood swings. The rage. The crying over nothing. The physical pain that makes you want to curl up on the couch while four kids need you. It’s real, it’s hard, and you deserve to talk about it.

In this episode, I address the physical and emotional toll of hormonal fluctuations honestly.

We talk about:
* What’s actually happening in your body during PMS (and why it’s so intense)
* The difference between normal PMS and something that needs medical attention
* How to manage the hardest days of your cycle with practical strategies
* Approaching your health with both medical wisdom and spiritual grace

If you liked this episode, you’ll also enjoy:
 Catholic ADHD Mom: Faith, Focus, and Grace
 Feeling Safe and Loved: What Every Catholic Mom Needs
 Being a Working Catholic Mom: Balance, Guilt, and Grace

If hormonal ups and downs are stealing your peace, you don’t have to suffer in silence. Inside Mary’s Heart Martha’s Order, we address the whole woman — body, mind, and soul. Come take care of yourself at catholicmomcalm.com/marysheart

Even. I don’t talk about it a lot, even though I feel very comfortable with the topic. And I think it’s important that we are aware of our bodies, we’re aware of how they work, and we’re aware of emotionally how they impact our weeks. 

So I got an email from someone that said she has really bad PMS symptoms and that she’s very, ragey and sensitive and she’s aware of this. She said she’s had her hormone levels checked. And speaking to that, I just wanna say yeah, a lot of women experience weird symptoms and they go get it checked and nobody helps them. 

So I don’t want you to feel crazy. If that’s you. That’s pretty much everybody now. I mean, I know so many people who have seen doctors and naturopaths and tried supplements and different food diets and they still experience strange or even, you know, debilitating symptoms and I don’t think that that is a reason not to try.

And continue to solve these problems, but I just want you to know that you are in a pretty big group of women who are trying to, you know, self-diagnose, figure this out on their own. And it’s really frustrating and discouraging that the people who should be helping us and know the answers, don’t know the answers.

So we just don’t wanna, on top of that, think that something’s like, extra wrong with you. Instead just be like, oh yeah, the medical system is a little bit backwards and a little bit broken. And I think people mean really well. I think they just. Don’t know what to do with all of the strange symptoms that are happening. So I can tell in this email that she’s done several things to try to help this, including supplements and diet nutrition. 

So now I want to talk about what PMS symptoms mean. Okay. And this can be true no matter what kind of physical ailments you experience, because I have a feeling that this person, and any of you who struggle with PMS before your cycle comes, you have made a big story about it in your mind.

I have PMS, this happens all the time. This is so bad. I’m so ragey, I feel terrible about this. I’m hurting my kids. I’m hurting my husband. Right. We just have a huge amount of thoughts about this time of the month. But instead, we wanna get really factual here. We wanna get really factual about what is going on in your body.

What are the actual symptoms? What are the actual triggers and what is happening? I’ve talked on this podcast before about how really draining and damaging the thought I’m tired is, I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I’m so tired. Where factually, when we look at exhaustion, we might say, I got up four times last night with the baby.

And I have some physical symptoms of exhaustion right now that feels so much more neutral or handleable. Then, oh, I’m so tired. I can’t believe it. I’m so tired. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten sleep. I’m so exhausted. Right? We know that there’s this version of us that really indulges in the complaining around the physical symptoms.

So the physical symptoms are real, right? We’re not here. Brushing it off, going, suck it up buttercup. There’s no problem. Just deal with it. We’re not doing that. There are some real things happening, but I think that we, in our stories and our minds, make them so big, we make it out to be this huge dragon that’s gonna eat our face.

And then particularly for PMS, it’s gonna do that every month for the rest of your life until you go through menopause. So that’s really, really scary. If that’s kind of what we’re talking about. So this is a known situation. That’s the first thing that I want you to comfort yourself with, which is, Hey, I’m actually pretty good at this ’cause I’ve been doing it for a long time.

I know exactly what it is, I know how it feels, and I’m gonna figure out how to work with my symptoms of PMS so that it doesn’t disrupt. The enjoyment of my life. I want to enjoy my life. I want to love this one beautiful life that God has given me. 

And I wanna have peace. And I know that there are going to be hard things. There’s gonna be hard days, hard seasons, hard weeks. And we know for this woman that there’s something hormonally that’s happening in her body that changes her experience of her life for some amount of days. Before her cycle starts. 

So the first thing is that I would recommend tracking her cycle. I have no doubt this woman is tracking her cycle and so track it so that you know, and then I would put it on your calendar. The first thing that I would be a scientist of is how many days are these symptoms showing up? Because my guess is that it kind of catches her off guard every time. 

Like we know it’s coming, but then we’re just mad. We’re just having a mad day. And my guess is if I really pinned her down and said how many days, she might not know. So that would be the first thing that I would start tracking, which is, oh, I’ve noticed that I am more sensitive to noise or clutter or being touched for the three days before my bleeding starts. 

Notice how. Really factual and really scientific unbeing. And this is important because we’ve allowed the brain to just run a monk and be very pouty and tantrumy, and that is going to make this situation worse.

So I experience, and then we’re gonna start tracking these systems and we’re gonna be really clear about what the symptoms are and we’re gonna be clear about how many days they happen before the bleeding starts. 

So it sounds like anger is the primary thing that she’s dealing with. She says she goes from zero and she’s calm to a hundred percent and ragey in a matter of seconds. Okay. 

So, and with so much love to this person, first of all, this person is in our program and has been working on this. So she is way ahead of the game in terms of self-awareness and knowing that being calm is even a thing and that she. I think, suspects that she has the ability to manage her feelings more than she is.

So I’m gonna be tough on her in the sense that I’m gonna really encourage her and challenge her to solve this. but I just have so much love and appreciation for this mom wanting to have a different experience of her life and knowing that it’s possible. 

So when we slow it down, let’s slow it down. I have no idea how old this woman’s kids are. Okay. But I’ll just pick my kids and let’s say I’m about to start my period, which I think is also kind of the weird time if we’re not tracking it on our calendars because we don’t see it yet. When the period comes, a lot of women go, oh, there it is. 

That’s why I was, and then we kind of explain our behavior for the last, I don’t know, two to five days away, because we’re like, oh, my period was coming and I just didn’t know. You should know and if, and for this woman, because it’s really creating some hardship in her life, it should be on your calendar. 

So whether you have a digital calendar or physical calendar, I should be able to open it up and it should say like pms days. And we should know that they’re coming ahead of time.

You know, when soccer season coming, you know when holy Week is coming. There are so many events that happen in your life and you know they’re coming. You put them on your calendar and you plan for them. And this is just one of those. If your PMS symptoms are janking out up your life, then it is time to put them on your calendar and anticipate them and deal with them.

So we should know that this is coming, and then we should make a protocol. A protocol is where before we’re upset. Before we’re in this phase of our cycle. We use our critical thinking brain, our prefrontal cortex, and we make decisions ahead of time about how we are going to act. In these days. 

And in order to make that plan, you have to know what is triggering. Your behavior and what behavior is showing up. So she’s very clear. She says she goes from zero to ragey in a matter of seconds, but now I want us to slow that down even more and go, why? What was the trigger? Is it noise? Is it stuff? Is it having to leave the house? Is it being cooped up in the house?

Because this isn’t just happening. Some environmental thing is happening outside of her, then is creating strong emotions in her body. So I would get really clear on what the triggers are and then I would try to avoid those triggers if possible. Which isn’t always possible. 

She might have three young kids, in which case not having noise for those three days isn’t going to be possible. We’re gonna have noise. But if there’s anything that I could prevent in those few days, ’cause that’s the other thing that’s so interesting. I think this is a few days. 

But when we tell ourselves the story that it’s ruling us and we’re out of control and this is gonna happen for the rest of our lives, it feels really big. Instead of thinking, okay, for three to five days a month, I’m gonna have to manage what I experience a little bit more closely. 

So what are the triggers that bring about the anger? Can we get rid of those for a few days? Can we pre-make food? Are we gonna watch more screens on that day? Can we have somebody come and watch the kids for two hours? Do we need a nap that day? 

I want you to become the scientist of your own body. And just, listen, this is gonna happen every month, so be willing to figure it out. Say, all right, we’re gonna figure this out. I’m gonna figure out what you need. 

I read once that there were certain teas that you could drink. In the different areas of your cycle, and I remember I bought some of them, but two of them were loose leaf teas, and then my brain just couldn’t handle that. I was like, I can’t handle loose leaf tea. I’m sorry. I’m sure that that’s solvable for some humans, but I just like, I can’t, have loose leaf tea.

But I would look up that for sure, and then I would have that tea ready to go. I’d put it on the counter before my PMS stays came. Right, because we’re anticipating it. 

So look at the triggers and she might be experiencing other symptoms. And for any of you, make a list of all the symptoms really factually, you know, what do they look like, what brings them on.

But now, for anger, I wanna shift to, you can become a woman. Who feels a great deal of anger inside your body and then does not yell. This is an incredible superpower and it is what I learned how to do four years ago when I found this work, which is you can experience a very strong emotion. 

Vibrating through your body. That’s what it does. It kind of like, moves through your body. It can feel very intense. It can even feel very painful, and you can look calm as a cucumber on the outside. 

Now this takes some practice and in certain situations it’s harder. There are different forms for me even now where there are different types of anger that make it harder for me to stay calm. I would say the hardest one is with my husband, but with the kids, I’ve actually really been able to feel strong emotions of frustration, annoyance, and anger in my body, and breathe through those feelings and not yell the kids.

And it’s because I’ve really just learned, yelling doesn’t ever get me what I want. It doesn’t get me what I want. I mean, unless it’s a safety issue, right? I’m all about yelling for safety issue. But outside of that, usually yelling at the kids, freaks them out, makes you feel terrible, kind of casts a weird energy on the rest of the day when you’ve really lost it.

It usually just doesn’t solve whatever it is that was happening for me, the biggest triggers are, excessive questions, spilling things, and sibling fights. Those three things just like, woo. My body does not like that, but I tell myself that I have the ability to feel strong emotion in my body and have nothing come out of my mouth.

And sometimes the kids drive me bananas and I need to leave the room, or I need to drink some water. Oftentimes I will say, all right, ducklings, I’m really having a hard time right now. I need everyone to be quiet. 

It’s interesting, I’ve almost learned to have a reverse reaction, which is to get even more quiet with them when I’m really struggling, and then they kind of lean in and they pay attention to me a little more clearly, and I usually separate them, or I tell them that I need them to be quiet and I’m using a soothing voice, but really I’m feeling like a volcano inside my body.

And this is how I take care of myself because it’s not taking care of yourself to explode. You don’t like the way that that feels. You don’t like the consequences that come from that. And I find it doesn’t actually solve any problem. ’cause it’s not, it doesn’t involve any training or parenting.

So in this example, the PMS symptoms include anger, and this woman needs to practice feeling angry in her body and recognizing, Ooh, I feel really angry in my body right now. That thermometer is really high and I still control what comes out of my mouth and what do I need right now? How can I tuck these kids away for a minute or 20 minutes?

How can I get an hour to rest? There’s so many things that we haven’t tried and that’s another kind of lie that we tell ourselves when we start going down. The solving our own medical problems path is that we tell ourselves, I’ve tried everything and it’s just not true. You’ve tried like 2% of the things.

And I want that to be the best news that you’ve ever heard. Instead of feeling bad about it, but just be like, no, we really have not tried all the things. There are so many things that we can try.

You might need to put headphones in on these three days so that you don’t hear as much of what’s going on with the kids. And you might say, well, Sterling doesn’t that. Mean, I’m kind of disconnected from the kids. You are disconnected from the kids anyway and you’re yelling at them. 

So I think it’s fine to say three days a month I wear headphones and my body is really sensitive and I need to have a quieter experience of my life. I love you and I’m taking care of you, but for these three days, it looks like this. There’s so many things that we can try.

And you may never see these symptoms go away. The best we may hope for is managing the symptoms, and that’s what we do with the protocol, where we anticipate that they’re coming and we make decisions ahead of time about how we’re gonna live, or we manage our own reaction to the symptoms. 

Which is, hey. when I’m feeling really angry in my body, I don’t let it come out of my mouth, and I’m gonna keep practicing that. until I get really good at it, and maybe we could get half of those instances to go away. 

I will say that I think managing my anger and not allowing yelling to come out makes me feel like a super mom. It feels so good to do that. I feel so proud of being able to do that, and it is just worth practicing. I am a mom who does not yell. Just decide that I’m a mom who does not yell. 

And so for these few days, I have to work harder to manage the environment, to set me up for success, but then even if the things do happen, I can feel strong emotion in my body and not let it come out of my mouth.

And maybe we need to prep the husband a little bit too. Like, Hey, these are the three days. if we could have simpler dinners or if you could play with the kids outside a little bit or you know, what can he do to set you up for success and maybe there isn’t much, right? Maybe this is really mostly just your experience of your own body and talking to yourself.

But there are definitely things that we can do. And I know that physical discomfort, none of us want it. None of us want pain, but we’re all stronger than we think, and we can handle having pain. 

We’re gonna have this same conversation like 40 years from now when we all have arthritis in our hands and we’re gonna wake up and it’s gonna be a rainy day, and the arthritis in our hands is going to hurt, and the pain is gonna be real. And the question is, how do you wanna think about experiencing pain and how do you wanna take care of yourself while you’re experiencing pain? 

Because we can resist it and say, this shouldn’t be happening and it’s not fair. And I’ve tried everything and this is never gonna go away. We could tell ourselves a big story, which is exhausting by the way. Those stories are draining our energy. 

Or we can just say, okay. These days when I wake up and I have PMS or I have arthritis, here’s how I’m going to live. Here’s how I’m gonna talk to myself. In my mind, here’s how I’m gonna talk to the Lord. I’m gonna let the Lord hold my heart on these days.

Doesn’t that feel so much more empowering? And you’re a human, you’re gonna have physical pain and you’re going to have strong emotions in your body, but you still. Can manage how you show up.

And you can ask yourself, how would Mary have shown up? She would’ve had pain in her body and strong emotions, and she still would have shown up with charity. How can we be more like her today? 

All right my friends. I hope that was helpful for you. and now we have a PMS Episode, which makes me so happy. So we can link to that in the future if anyone is feeling like they need a little bit of support there.

Alright, I am praying for you. Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening and have a blessed day.