You Didn’t Screw it Up

So if you just look at the calendar every year, there’s kind of a new year. And then that kind of feels like a weird holiday. Day where it’s like, you actually just want to hang out. It’s a solemnity you’re often going to mass. Like, it still feels like a fun day. It’s not necessarily the day that we’re starting, you know, couch to 5k. So that day, it feels kind of weird. And then we kind of talk ourselves into like, well, okay. 

I’ll start after the weekend. I’ll start on Monday. But that Monday. Is the money of transition week where we’re trying to get kids to stop eating chocolate and watch movies all the time. And we’re trying to create some more structure for them and for us. And its just challenging to move from one rhythm to a different rhythm. 

It doesn’t matter what the two rhythms are. And so this is why. This applies to you, no matter what stage of life you’re in, how many kids you have. Going from a rhythm of vacation holiday time to back to structured life is difficult. And then on top of that, which would have been difficult. Anyway, if you were going back to your regular life. But most people, in addition to wanting to get back to their regular life, want to elevate what they’re doing in their lives that week. 

So we just ended up feeling like a huge traffic jam in your mind. And then your lovely brain will just say you are doing it wrong. You’re terrible. See, I knew that you couldn’t do it. You’ve already failed. It’s only been three days. You’re such a mess. All those wonderful things. And instead, I don’t want to make a much bigger deal out of this next year. 

I think I’m going to warn everybody that transition week is coming and maybe I’ll do like a few email challenges or something during that week, just to cheer you on, like you got this, let’s just put them to bed on time. Let’s just start getting them up at a regular time. Okay. No more chocolate for breakfast, whatever it is that we’ve been doing. I’m gonna make a bigger deal out of it next year. But what I want you to know this week is that you didn’t screw anything up.  You’re very normal. It was a collective experience. 

All of us experienced this, all of my coaching last week was moms feeling the discomfort of trying to go from one rhythm to another rhythm plus adding new habits and then feeling like a failure. And just feel it in your body. It feels like stress and tension and failure. And then it drops into hopelessness, defeated. I’m never going to figure this out. I’m never going to get it.  

So I just want to take all of the moms and say, okay, the Monday after new year’s is transition week. And then the next Monday, which if you’re listening to this live in real time was two days ago. This is the week that we add one thing. If you want to get up a little bit earlier, if you want to start exercising, if we’re adding in a daily rosary, whatever it is, this is the week that we do it, which is so much later than we think we should be doing it.  

But this is the week, because last week the energy had to go to getting back into the regular rhythm. And you did usually by the end of the week. We made it. Oh man. My, you know, we only sent one kiddo to school, but he was so crunchy on Friday. And I thought, oh wow, that’s so interesting. Being off of school we pulled him from school early because they took a trip to go visit the kids as godparents in Boise. 

So he was actually out of school for three and a half weeks. And so for his little body, to jump back to school by Friday, he was exhausted. It was a transition lead for him too. And then homeschooling, there was so much pushback. The kids were like, what do you mean we have to do things? They didn’t want to do anything. And so you need to use your energy, your willpower, your emotional regulation for just that one thing, getting back to normal. And then this week, now that should be a little more stabilized and how we can add one more thing. So I also want to describe this as having a normal reaction to something abnormal.  

So it is unusual and that’s what abnormal means. So normal means usual, this is happening all the time. And then anything outside of that is abnormal, okay, so moving from one rhythm to another rhythm, it’s a relatively abnormal thing. We’re not doing that many times throughout the year. And so in an abnormal situation, you should look different. 

You should be acting differently. Now we should all be saying the goal is to be anchored in peace and to feel at peace, no matter what’s happening, but we’re humans and it is likely that we are going to have that. We were going to feel strange in an abnormal situation. Then I want you to say that’s a normal way to react. So for all of us collectively to feel the discomfort of the transition week and to say, oh my gosh, this week was so rough and everyone was so cranky and there was lots of pushback and I’m tired and everybody’s withdrawing from sugar and movies.  

To feel like that’s difficult is a normal reaction. That’s us having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, okay. And this is the same thing that happens when you’re moving or having surgery or adding a new kiddo to your family. Those three events, moving surgery, adding a kiddo to your family are abnormal events. They don’t happen that often and they are difficult and they make us feel weird and not like ourselves. And there are unique challenges to each of those things.  

And we don’t feel like our regular cells. In each of those things. Then when we notice that we don’t feel like our regular selves, we then say, something’s wrong with us. And instead I want to say, oh no, you’re having quite a normal reaction to something that’s abnormal. So you’re feeling more tired and more stressed in the process of moving. I’d say yeah, of course you are. 

That’s everyone everyone feels, more tired and more stressed when they’re moving. There’s something wrong with you. It’s not like you didn’t get the moving well genes. That’s everyone,  oh, we always have tools for calming down and better emotional regulation, but some things are just always going to be stressful. Same thing with surgery, post-surgery you’re going to feel weird. 

You’re going to feel, you know, like up is down and down is up and you’re not sure what to do with your time and you feel restless, but you want your body to heal. Which actually is the same about having a baby, both of those times are pretty similar, they are at normal times. And then it’s quite normal to feel weird at that time, but the brain is like, something’s wrong, something’s wrong. 

I want you to tell your brain nothing’s wrong, everyone feels weird. The week after Christmas, like the week that we’re transitioning back to regular life. When you’re moving, right after surgery, right after having a baby. Everyone had the collective experience and then it’s normal to feel weird. There are some extra abnormal things that could happen there that we should pay attention to. 

Especially with regards to surgery or postpartum, there might be complications or extra bleeding or something where your body will kind of give you an alarm, and you’re like, no, no, something’s not right. Something is really wrong here. And it’s not within the normal experience of having a baby or surgery. And then we’re getting humped. But if you’re tired, but can’t sleep, that’s pretty normal; postpartum; and post-surgery. And for moving, if it feels like you’re eating off paper plates. And that feels stressful and you don’t know what to make for dinner. And you’re staying up late. I’d say, yeah, that’s pretty much what everybody does when they’re moving. And we just kind of pushed through that last spring to pack everything up and to move.  

So it’s not your normal behavior, it’s abnormal. And then you feeling a little bit stressed in that is quite normal. There’s nothing wrong with you. So I want you to see all of these examples that it’s appropriate, maybe it’s the word I want to use or common that you would be struggling. And I’m not going to leave you there. I can leave you and just like, oh, I guess it has to be terrible. I want us first to stop telling ourselves that something is uniquely wrong with us. So if you did that last week, if you beat yourself up, transitioning from the holiday to the regular rhythm. I want you first to just forgive yourself.

I’m really sorry I did that to us. You can talk to yourself, did you know that? And just go, I’m really sorry that last week was weird. And I was mean to us about it. I see now that everyone kind of struggles to make that transition back to the regular rhythm of life. And actually, I think we did quite well. Like when you look back, go see. You did it, you did quite well actually. Maybe, except for this negative voice that was running while you did it. But you actually did transition your family from a holiday for them to a normal rhythm.  

It’s so helpful. It’s so helpful to just change the way we talk to ourselves while we are experiencing something. And so if you feel out of sorts about anything, I’m just picking some examples, but about anything, if you feel out of sorts, I want you to float outside of it and go.  Am I experiencing normal emotions for the thing that I’m going through? Okay. So let’s say you just got a puppy and it was, they’re still sleeping when you get them. 

They’re so sweet and snugly and everybody always tells me, oh, my puppy is so sweet and she’s so well behaved. And she’s so calm and lovely and I do not break their hearts and say, that is not going to last. And then she’s going to start writing everything and peeing and eating your furniture.
But that is likely what’s going to happen. They get a little sassy and then just when you think you’ve trained them well, around nine months, they go through puppy teenager-hood that’s their puppy, teenager time. So you, you think you’ve trained them and you have a lovely dog. 

And then they’re like, oh, I’m going to eat everything out of the garbage can. And I’m not going to come when you call me anymore. And they just go through this kind of rebellious phase. So,  let’s say your puppy is starting to wake up. You thought they were going to be lovely and not give you any problems and now they’re kind of crazy. And you feel regret and frustration and you’re trying to do mom’s life and you’re like, what am I doing to myself? This is hard to float out that such well outside of that situation of wonder, huh? I wonder if everyone who gets a puppy feels like this.  

So whatever it is, the thing that you’re struggling with, just be like, huh? I wonder if everyone kind of feels like this. If this is just part of the deal of moving or surgery or babies or puppies. And then within that abnormal situation, we can try to handle it the best that we can. We can try to set ourselves up for success and make sure that we’re being kind to ourselves. We can ask for help. We can anticipate what’s going to be difficult and try to solve it. You might ask for help.  

But what we’re not going to do is tell ourselves that something is wrong. There is nothing wrong.  When your puppy who is lovely, starts to wake up. And starts testing the boundaries and then that feels terrible. There’s nothing wrong. That’s actually quite a common experience. And it sucks. I don’t love it.  But if I, if I told you ahead of time, hey, four weeks after you get this puppy, it’s going to start to feel more difficult. 

Be gentle with yourself. It only lasts for a couple of weeks. You’re going to love this dog for the whole time that you have this dog. And you got to get through this time. We’re going to do it again at nine months ish. And I just told you everyone experiences this just not a bad puppy. You’re not a bad dog owner. You would be so much more gentle with yourself as you experienced that.  

So whatever you’re going through, you’re not everybody’s going through something. I do think collectively we all went through that transition week, last week, but for the whole rest of the year, if something comes up and you’re feeling weird or out of sorts. I want you to float outside of that situation and say, would everyone feel weird or out of sorts here? Is this a normal reaction to an abnormal situation?  

And then we can still problem solve it. And we can still use tools like breathing to calm down and talking to ourselves with encouragement and kindness and asking for help, you can use all the things that I teach here on this podcast, but we’re taking away this one thought in our mind, which is something is wrong with you. And all of these examples, if you feel weird or frustrated, in any of these periods of time in any of these milestone events that are unusual, that is normal.  

You’re having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Nothing is wrong with you and it’s so interesting when you really believe that your shoulders will come down and the tension will come out of your chest. And it’s almost like your body goes oh, okay. And suddenly everything doesn’t feel like it’s such a big deal. And then you drop into problem solving mode naturally with women, when they feel safe drop into problem solving mode. Okay, now, what are we doing about this postpartum; post-surgery; post puppyhood situation, what can we do?  

Well, when the primary thought runs through your head, is it something’s wrong with you? Your doing this wrong. It will shut you up from creativity, problem-solving. You just won’t even have access to it. So, I love you. You’re doing a good job. You did a good job last week. And this is the week to add something new to your life. And I want you to ask the holy spirit what it should be. Lord, what do you want me to work on right now?  

A lot of freak you out. We don’t need to know what the year is going to bring, but he will put something on your heart. That he’s asking you, Peter, stop doing or start doing this week. And let us just gently step into the rest of the month trying to improve ourselves in one lane.  

All right. My friends, I’m praying for you. Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening and have a blessed day.