Stories of 5 Peaceful Moms

April:
Hi, everybody. My name is April. I live in upstate New York. I’m a wife, and I am the mom to one rambunctious, sassy, and hilarious, almost, two year old, actually. And I’m a registered dietitian and health coach. And Yeah, I’m just living life up here and hanging out. So yeah!

Sterling:
Nice. I love that. All right. Okay. Miss Olivia, you’re up.

Olivia:
I’m Olivia and I’m a mom of five kids and the oldest is 11 and the youngest is 14 months. So I often feel like I have a foot in two very different worlds. And I live in Michigan and I was born and raised as a Catholic and I’m still practicing as a 34 year old. 

That’s amazing. Love that. All right Thank you, Miss Olivia. Miss Ruby. Tell us about you.

Ruby:
Hi, my name is Ruby. I live in Tennessee. I’m a mom of three. I have 18 month old twins and a three and a half year old and I was born and raised Catholic, reverted in my Middle ish 20s, 23, 24, and have been a nurse for 10 years, and I also now teach full time for a college of nursing.

Sterling:
Katie, though, tell us about yourself.

Katie:
I come from the Twin Cities area. I am 34 weeks pregnant with our third baby. We have a four year old daughter and a two year old son, and I am a Catholic convert because my husband and I decided that would work best. I came from a very kind of intentional Protestant background, but didn’t mind converting, and that has been a huge blessing along the way. 

Sterling:
I love that. So fun. All right. Miss Katie Cudworth, tell us about yourself. 

Katie C.:
Hey everyone. I’m Katie, the other Katie. Like the first Katie, I was a full time high school teacher. I taught high school music for 16 years. I have a three year old and I’m 32 weeks pregnant. It’s a boy, excited. And now I am a stay at home mom as of this past June, loving it. 

Sterling:
Wow. Awesome. Love that. All right, you guys. Thank you. We’re here. We’re going to do this. All right. Miss April, why don’t you tell us about  how long you’ve been with us and what your life was like before and what it is like?

April:
So it’s been a couple of years, I would say. And I feel like kind of before hearing about, you know, Catholic Mom Calm and everything, I Was a lot more anxious, like I’ve kind of always dealt with a lot of anxiety, especially kind of right before I was getting married, and a lot of things happened with my dad’s health and stuff like that.

And that just kind of ended up spiraling and it all kind of stemmed to just needing this like control and I was kind of like losing control over life and such and that kind of stuff. And motherhood has been a, you know, challenge in that, right? Because, you know, we have all these little humans and they’re their own little human beings and you cannot control how things go.

You cannot control them. And it’s been a big journey of surrender. So I credit a lot of what I’ve learned through Catholic Mom Calm in terms of helping me learn to surrender better and to invite the Lord in. And I think one of the things that stands out to me in particular is just learning to calm myself down and really being able to calm the brain down and then invite the Lord in.

That was kind of one of the things that really stood out to me. Cause you know, when I’d be going through really stressful situations, I’d be trying to invite the Lord in or just like yelling up to the Lord, but not hearing what was happening just because my brain was all over the place, but learning to calm myself down, learning about how the brain works too, right.

And how it likes to, you know, make us think the worst and all that. And like learning the logic behind it too, was really helpful. Sometimes you just need to be told that. So that was really, really helpful. So I’d say because of that, I’ve been on a journey of being able to surrender more fully, inviting the Lord in and feeling calmer in what I do and as a mother and allowing me to show up with more intention for my daughter too, as I’ve kind of gone through this, I mean, she’s almost two, so gone through this journey for a few years of motherhood.

Sterling:
I love that. And so if we’ve got someone who’s very anxious and likes to control things, it’s very hard to get a person to not want to control things, right? Like, and when we’re really kind of controlling, and it usually does come from anxiety, we want to feel safe, and so we’re like, if I can control everything around me.

The last person that person wants to hear is like, hey, but you should probably calm down and surrender, right? Like, they do not want to hear that. So I was just wondering if you could speak to, like, to that person and to just say, no, but that really is the answer and it really is worth it. And then you just, it’s not that you get to control the things around you more. It’s that you control yourself more, and that, I don’t know, things then actually feel better. So, what would you say to that person? 

April:
Yeah, no, that’s a great question. Because I feel like I was that kind of person, right? If you told me to calm down, I’d be like, excuse me, what? You know, I think what I would say of that person or that old version of me is just the inner peace that you feel from doing that can, it just transforms how you relate to everything in the world, you know, from your relationships with your husband, your children, your relationship with the Lord to changes, right?

If you’re coming at it from a more peaceful place. And I loved the, when we, the, the book of peace, or I forget what the book was called.

Sterling:
Oh, Searching for and Maintaining Peace.  

April:
Yes, yes, that one, going through that was so helpful, and I think it would also help cement things too, and it’s just achieving this peace can just be transformative in the way that you interact with those you love and the world around you, and you can act more intentionally, and also it just feels, like you can feel it in your body too.

When you just kind of calm down and take a breath too. Like the breathing, the breathing helps a ton. So being able to do that is important. 

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that. And I love that you said, I just needed to be told that we all need to be told that every week, like every week we need to be told, are you praying? Are you breathing to calm down and don’t listen to your meanie pants brain that’s telling you that you’re awful at everything. It’s like, that’s what I get coached on all the time. It’s my job. It’s still someone’s has to tell me, but did you pray and did you breathe and stop listening to that negative voice?

Thank you so much, April. All right. Miss Katie Doe, we’re coming back to you. How long have you been with us and tell us just what your life was like before and what your life is like now.

Katie:
Yeah, I think I first heard about Meet for Greatness through the algorithm on Instagram and it, you know, started with the, yes, perfect. Loved it. Started with the whole love your husband challenged years ago. And I like shared it with my sister and my mom and then, you know, would keep getting your emails. And then it was like a perfect storm for me in the sense that I was going from working and being in a school. And, you know, and having a newborn and a two year old, and my husband was in his last couple of years of residency for his job.

And thank God I was able to stop working. But kind of part of that piece was that like my body was physically breaking down and like my feet were hurting because I was multitasking the, you know, crap out of everything. And I was just trying, like pushing so hard and having these like productivity and efficiency standards for myself that were not realistic with the new addition of a second child and with my body kind of  saying, this isn’t working. 

And so, thankfully I was able to stop working and I’ve been in this school of slow for the last, you know, year. Ever since your book came out at the perfect time. Like have a mom calm book and then I bought the Amazon version and then I bought a whole bunch more after I started doing it and like started giving it to my mom group and like being like pass it around like everybody, please, because yeah, it’s just been incredibly transformational.

And so, for me, yeah, in this like school of slow, you know, like our culture is so averse to slowing down. But that’s what you have to do to like, calm yourself, you know, learn how to calm yourself down. Like, April was talking about and for me, it was the biggest thing of just like having patience. Like I remember having these moments when I was still working and I had, you know, a two year old and a newborn and I would literally be telling my two year old go faster, go faster, right.

I knew it was insane, like that’s not fair to her. And it wasn’t appropriate for the situation, it was where I was and so I don’t like to judge myself, but I knew I didn’t want to stay there. I was just trying to get every ounce out of every moment of every day. And I’ve really, it’s been such a beautiful change of like, even now, as I’m like 34 weeks pregnant and you know, again, when my body is telling me to slow down, I had all these tools that I’ve learned over the last year of like, oh, my goal right now is just to make sure that we all eat and we sleep and we take a bath if we need it and literally that’s it.

And, and that’s enough. And again, it’s been like a true 180 change for me. So I totally understand moms who feel like they have to keep up with their rhythm and their schedule and their work and their home and their kids and everything, because I am, I have been there and it’s just, I think the biggest thing is that it’s just been little steps over time, you know, like start with one little thing that you feel like that, it needs to be changed more emergently, right. And then like all those little steps over time at this stage, I’m just like, so thankful and so grateful. And yeah, like at peace, like April said. 

Sterling:
Yeah, thank you. It’s kind of unbelievable. I think that’s why it’s so hard to talk about because moms are like, how could you let things go? And I just sent out an email recently that said, you know, hey, we can teach you how to not care if the house is a mess. And so many people wrote back and they were like, kind of bad. They were like, I don’t want to not care that the house is a mess.

And I realized that actually maybe that just wasn’t the right phrase, not care, because all of us of course would love a tidy and clean house, but you just learn to go, hey, when you’re 34 weeks pregnant, it’s okay that there’s books on the floor. Like that’s what it is is that you drop that guilt or pressure hustle.

And it’s not that you won’t ever have a clean house, but you just recognize it in certain seasons. Hey, this doesn’t make me a worthy person. This doesn’t make me a good mom to obsess about all the things on the to do list. And you really can just love yourself through certain difficult chapters and say, yeah, we’re just going to eat and sleep and take a bath when we need it.

That’s so great. And that’s, I wish I didn’t have these tools, you know, when I was pregnant six times. And I wish that I had because I, that’s how I would have done it. I would have just been like, hey, whatever we need to do to get through. And then after the baby comes, we’ll, we’ll do other stuff.

So I really love, I really love this school of slow. I love that. And it is counter cultural and I love that you bought the books for people because here’s the thing you guys, once you’re drinking the Kool Aid about calming down and breathing and not having to do all the things, all the things. You kind of want everyone around you to get on board so that’s what you’re talking about.

Because, you know, our friends, they will just talk about, wow, I wish I could get more things done. Do you have any ways to get more things done? But when you change, you kind of want everyone around you to also like to calm down a little bit and then just go, hey, let’s just enjoy our life. And those conversations are so interesting.

Is that what you found happened, Katie? 

Katie:
Yeah, definitely. I think to be honest, the school of slow is very, it’s still like a very foreign concept for, I think it’s just our culture, you know? And, and to be honest, I think having children is the only reason why it felt like I could learn the school of slow because they start off, they don’t want to go, I mean, they do want to run around and do all that, but like, but they also, if you teach them how to have that space in their life for their independent play and just.

And that I’m not going to rush you when you’re trying to put your pants on after your potty training or something, like, I’m not going to rush you through these things and seeing the beauty of God in those moments. I think it is so beautiful to just change your mindset and be like, this is my season right now.

This is beautiful. This is not that the house isn’t clean. This is a beautiful different stage and I want to embrace it.  

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that so much. All right. Thank you, Miss Katie. All right, Miss Ruby. We’re coming to you. Woo 18 month old twins friend. That is, that’s an intense situation. So, tell us about how long you’ve been with us, and your life before and after. 

Ruby:
So I’ve been with Catholic Mom Home probably about a year or so. I distinctly remember binging a ton of podcasts on the first trip that we took with the twins on like a five hour drive that turned into like a 10 hour day. And so I think around that time frame was when I really was, you know, getting into everything. 

Before listening, before everything, I think I was just like, kind of like echoing what April said, very anxious, very much wanting to be in control, but also fighting the fact that there are so many things out of my control, particularly in that season where I’ve got twins that are a couple months old and a two and a half year old and nothing is controlled.

Everything is insane. Sometimes I wish I could like go back and just like give that version of me a hug and be like, it’s okay. But I think for me, a lot of it is just mindset and decision making and maintaining my own peace and recognizing what takes away my peace and what gives peace and being able to stick to those boundaries, I think has been really, really helpful and important for me and accepting that some thoughts or things are just that they’re just thoughts and that it’s okay that those thoughts come, but that doesn’t influence what I do and it doesn’t influence my decision. 

It’s just a thought and kind of that recognition of that and in that mindset, then being able to invite the Lord into what I’m doing and really offer up what I’m doing or my day to God versus just, kind of living moment by moment frantically, just being more attentional and aware. 

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that. So most people though, when we say mindset, I think they don’t really know what that is I think they think it means like being positive or, you know, we talk about mindset a lot with athletes, but what does that look like when You know, you’re with the kids and maybe somebody’s not napping.

Maybe somebody threw their food on the floor. Tell us the things that you say to yourself in your mind to stay calmer, to manage the situation. Cause that’s really what we’re talking about, about our mindset. It’s kind of like what we, how we pep talk ourselves in difficult moments. So what does that look like for you? 

Ruby:
Yeah, I think for me, the biggest thing is that their actions, particularly with the ages that I have, you know, three and a half and 18 months, their actions are not a reflection of me. So it’s not a failure on my part if they’re doing something that I don’t want them to do. And then in order to lead them as their parent to Christ and to, you know, living a life, I need to model for them being calm and being aware of those emotions, but not necessarily having to have a big reaction about a particular thing that I may find upsetting, but also just acknowledging that like you are going to have feelings and some of them won’t be pretty, but that’s okay. 

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that. Can I just say that’s like, that’s a groundbreaking concept for a lot of moms. What the children do is not a reflection of you. Like we just, that’s such a hard thing for us to grasp because we just think if I’m a good mom, then they wouldn’t do that. But of course they’re supposed to do that.

They’re supposed to have sibling fights and they’re supposed to hit each other and they’re supposed to be totally selfish and they’re supposed to throw fits and all these things. Right. And then they’re in the home to learn how to not be like that. But of course they should be like that. If they weren’t like that, we wouldn’t be able to teach them.

And so. You know, air quotes, their bad behavior doesn’t mean that we are bad moms. It means, Oh, they need a mom. That’s all it means. It’s like, Oh, they need a mom and I’m going to teach them what they want. And you’re right. We’re so much better teachers. when we are calm and we’re willing to feel our feelings. 

Tell me about making decisions because I think you said that and to me that’s so much of the work that we do is we just decide ahead of time. We kind of, instead of being reactive to our life and all the fires that happen, when we plan, just take a little bit of time to plan and decide what kind of day do I want to have or what kind of trip do I want to have or how do I want to show up with a difficult family member. Tell me more about making decisions for you.

Ruby:
I like to kind of like big triangle it down. So I have like a big lofty goal. Like I want to feel less overwhelmed in my day. What are tools, tips, things that I can do for me to help me feel less overwhelmed. So, how am I going to accomplish the laundry?

How am I going to get done what I need to do for work? How am I going to make sure that my family has food to eat? And things like that. And so I like to plan things out, usually on a weekly basis and then kind of review what I’m going to do day to day based on that weekly plan. But I like to break things down into really simple steps that feel achievable to me because I often have a posse with me.

I’m not alone. So, you know, if we’re going down to the basement, all of us are going to have a party down there and we’re all going to come back up. So I gotta make it simple, but decisions for me, you know, when we’re talking about big scale decisions, what are going to, what things are going to contribute to peace for my home, for myself, for my family, what things are going to help me maintain a home where we have, you know, that sense of connection and peace together and we’re not fighting with each other or stressing about different things. 

So I try to kind of anticipate a little bit ahead of time, get meat out of the fridge in the morning. So that way it’s ready by dinnertime to prepare what I’m going to be making for the week and know that ahead of time.

So it’s not this drama of having to think up all of these different things, you know, 30 minutes before I’ve got to do them. So anticipation is a really big one for me. And then just recognizing  what is going to be particularly overwhelming for me on that particular day, and how can I offload some of that by  maybe preparing a little bit ahead of time or breaking it down into smaller, more achievable steps that I can do bits at a time throughout the day versus trying to conquer something that sounds unmanageable if I just say that particular thing. 

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that. Yeah, absolutely it does. And that’s a big question we ask in the planner. Which is, is like we ask you to think about your day and what’s gonna come up today. You guys already know. It’s not, you know, we know what’s likely to be difficult.

Like if somebody’s teething or somebody has a cough or if we’re gonna be in the car a lot today. We kind of know what the difficult things are. And we can actually plan for how we want to speak to ourselves in those moments or set ourselves up for success. Like, Hey, let’s just make sure we packed some snacks in the car and it does end up being a lot of practical things.

But where the shift comes for moms is that they believe that they’re worthy of that time, that they’re worthy of taking that five to 10 minutes to go, hey, I love you. How can we have a really good day today? And that kind of planning is really great.

All right, Ms. Katie Cudworth, tell us about you. 

Katie C.:
I started listening to Catholic Mom Calm then Made for Greatness podcasts in March 2021. Pretty much you found me as soon as I became a mother. I have no idea how I got on the email list, total Holy Spirit thing. And I’ve been a member for about two and a half years, January 2022, about almost a year into listening. I decided to go ahead and become a full member. 

One of the reasons I did that was because I don’t really have Catholic friends. I have maybe one or two, less than a handful. And my family, my immediate family, my sister in law, and I wanted a community where I knew I belonged and I could get influenced in a really positive way, the way I need to be.

And I heard Sterling one time on a podcast, you were like, oh, I just ran a book club and I was like, yes, this is where I need to be. The biggest probably thing that, or one of the biggest things that Catholic Mom Calm has influenced in my life over the past two and a half years is my marriage. As soon as my daughter was born, my marriage changed in a big way.

I had rage. I was wondering why my husband wasn’t doing enough in my mind. I had lots of thoughts about my husband and his shortcomings. My thoughts were everything from he’s lazy. He doesn’t care. Two, I made the wrong choice. I’m not wholly Catholic or good enough to be given a Catholic husband. By the way, my husband is not Catholic.

And I discerned that. That was a decision I was years in the making. Even before we got together, I discerned this is allowable. God’s going to permit this. But I, you know, as soon as our daughter came along and I started seeing a lot of changes, a lot of differences from my perspective and it was, I needed help.

I needed major help. And now I remember it was little by little, it got a lot better and now it’s a lot better and I don’t really struggle with a lot of those thoughts anymore. But it wasn’t even through one on one coaching or live coaching in a group call. It was a podcast. It was a podcast, I forget, I think it was a November podcast that Sterling you put out and it was about we need to, we need to stop questioning what God allows in our life or like stop telling God that he did wrong in our, in my life, that he sent me the wrong guy or whatever that podcast is something I will go back to and back to it back to that made a huge difference in my life.

So I really want to encourage everyone that you don’t even have to go live on a coaching call to have your life changed completely. Sterling, you say all the time, your life was completely changed by listening to people getting coached. That’s the case for me, 100%. I have been coached a couple of times, but I’ve never been coached on my marriage.

These changes are things that have come from me learning through other people’s experience and through everything all the coaches said over the past two and a half years. And your podcasts, that has made a huge difference. My marriage is very different now. I used to tell my husband he’s lazy and I don’t anymore. 

I used to tell him he doesn’t pray enough. And there was a challenge years ago, might have been two years ago. It was like the husband’s makeover challenge. And I was like, ooh, do this. Then of course the tagline was spoiler alert, we’re not actually going to change the husband. He’s going to stay completely the same. 

And that was amazing to me. And I was like, okay, I kind of suspected that. Let’s do this. Let’s see how things can change, you know, what, how much of this is in my control. Like, how much things can change.

Sterling:
Yeah. And listen, but I want you guys to hear her voice. Yeah, I want you to hear her voice. Like, the only reason we can be silly about it. About something that’s so painful is because she’s changed the way that she thinks about it completely.

And I know that when you’re in the thick of a very painful relationship, whether it’s your marriage, or a family member, or maybe one of your adult children, when we have all these relationships and some of them are so gut wrenchingly painful, and we just think, this could never change if the other person doesn’t change. 

But I’m telling you it can, it’s absolutely incredible that you can just really begin to think that person is fine, that person is lovable, God made that person, God put this person in my life, I can be okay, I can feel safe, even if that person doesn’t change, and then it’s amazing how we change towards them, and then the relationship gets so much better, even though we’re the only one who changed.

We did do that, you guys. We did this husband makeover challenge, and then on the ads and the sales page, we put right there, like, spoiler alert, we’re not gonna change him so people didn’t really think we were gonna do that, but it, it just really is possible, I just want you to know it is possible, and like Katie said, you know, that can come from just listening to other people be coached, and the members that we have, only 5 percent of raise their hand.

Only 5%. 95. 95. Do not. They just listen. But as you hear other people’s struggles, we’re all so similar. You’re going to identify with one of these ladies, maybe not all of them, but we’re all so similar that listening to someone process that out loud shows you, oh yeah, I think that too. Like, I guess I do think my husband is lazy and maybe you hadn’t even noticed that you thought that.

But then you realize that and you think, oh, that thought just makes me feel terrible. Like, even if it’s just in your brain and you don’t say it to him, it will feel terrible in your body to think that. And instead you could just think, we don’t have to think that guy is so great and so productive, but we can think that’s the guy that God gave me.

And that feels totally different. I love that, Miss Katie. Thank you so much.  All right, Miss Olivia, we’re coming to you. 

Olivia:
So the first time I heard about Catholic Mom Calm was actually when you sent me an Instagram message and were like, hey, do you want to talk to me on your podcast? And I was like, yes, I do.

And you actually gave me coaching about potty training during that podcast episode in 2021 which was a long time ago, that was a long time ago. I have since actually had another baby and had to potty train the baby that was a baby when we talked and it went like so amazingly well. I’m just like, wow, she was so on to something.

So yeah, so it’s been a, it’s been a while and I recommend Catholic Calm Mom, the book to like literally every mom I ever meet because it’s so powerful. Yeah, that’s, you are one of my go to people for like, oh, you’re, you’re struggling. I hear that you’re saying you’re struggling. I might not have the answer, but like, have you seen this book?

Because it could help you. Cause I’d like to tell you about books, which apparently is one of my flaws, but that’s fine. I have just been really happy with all of the things that I’ve learned back when it was Made for Greatness. And now as a Catholic Mom Calm, the model especially has just completely changed everything.

I have chronic anxiety, I’ve always had it, and a lot of the times when you’ve discussed like you are not being chased by a tiger, tell your brain to calm down, like now I have those conversations with my brain, like calm down brain, this is not, this is not a tiger situation, this is a oops, something extra got added, you don’t need to worry, it’s something extra got added to the calendar, you can do this, it’s okay brain, my brain doesn’t have a name yet, I’m still trying to find a good one, that has been, that has been just so helpful and I have, instead of this chronic anxiety, I have been able to kind of tap into some confidence and to go out and to do some things that I’ve always felt kind of lacked in my heart and yet wanted to do.

For a long, long time, I’ve wanted to be an author and I’ve had this story in my heart. It’s been like literally a decade of like a dream about this story and just all of these different little nudges like you should do that. You could do it. You could do it, Olivia. And I feel like when something stays with you for that long, like God is asking you to do it.

And so he’s persistent and he’s gentle. So it’s never been like whacking me in the face. It’s been the persistent gentleness. And I know you talked about learning to listen, learning to listen to God and trying to like, still yourself to hear what he’s asking of you. And so by using the model, I’m able to recognize that like all the reasons that I didn’t want to do this thing that I believe God’s asking me to do, which is to write a book, which I am doing, but to realize that those thoughts are not from God.

Those thoughts are not helpful. Those thoughts are not  making me achieve, you know, what God’s purpose for my life is. And so I can change them because they are not producing the fruit they need to produce as far as the fruits of the spirit go. And so having the ability to watch my thoughts has been huge.

And actually one of my children is a little bit older and she struggles with some emotional regulation things. And I tell her all the time, you have your thoughts just because you think a thought doesn’t mean it’s real. And just having the tools to do the own interior work for my own self and then to be able to coach her has been just extremely helpful as far as our relationship together goes.

So I love the model. It’s my go to. I just want to do it all the time. 

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that so much. And you guys, we definitely have a podcast episode, maybe at the very beginning about the model. So I’ll try to link that, but the model is just a tool that we use where you slow down your thinking and you just ask yourself when I have this thought, how does it make me feel?

And when I feel that way, how do I show up in my life? And it really does help us to dump out our brain and see, oh, first of all, just not all the thoughts that we have are true, they’re just not all true. And some of them make us feel pretty terrible. And we just don’t have to think then we can think other things instead.

But absolutely, I think our dreams come from inside of us and because the Holy spirit lives inside of us. To me, it feels like a bird feels like there’s a bird inside of me and it’s trapped and it wants to come out and God will just bug you. And I love how you said that he was persistent and gentle.

That’s so beautiful. And that’s, I think how it is where he’s like, but maybe today we should do that thing. What do you think? Like, but maybe now, like, are you ready now? Like he loves us so much. And he’s with us. He’s always inviting us. But absolutely, his voice inspires us and makes us feel good and calm.

It doesn’t rush us and it doesn’t shame us. And so of course if you had this God given desire to write a book then you would, your brain would freak out and whether it’s your brain or spiritual attacks, it really doesn’t matter. But either one, it would start to be like, you can’t write a book. Who do you think you are?

You don’t even have any time. That’s selfish that you would even want to write a book. You’re a terrible writer, like all those things. But those thoughts feel awful. We know those thoughts don’t come from the Lord. And so I love that you are just kind of tapping into that and listening to it. Can you remember maybe some of the thoughts that you had potty training the first time?

That felt terrible and now maybe how you like pep talk yourself through potty training this time. 

Olivia:
Oh my goodness yes, so a little context my husband had to travel for work. He was gone for a week. It was the week that school was over. So god bless my in-laws. They took my three older children for a couple days and I was like, okay, the three older girls are gone and my husband’s gone, like, I don’t have to do anything.

I’ve cleared the calendar. We are potty training. This is the hard thing, but this is what we’re going to do. And the thought that I had this time was, there is go, there are going to be accidents. And there were, and it was fine. I was prepared. Before the end, when I tried other children, it was very much like, this is terrible.

I’m stuck here. I feel like I’m in jail. I’m stuck at the house. I hate potty training. It’s just a bubbler in my own brain. But this time it was just, it was easy. The other thing too, is I didn’t try to force it too early with a couple of my kids, I tried to force it. And this time I was like, okay, you know what?

He’s ready. I am ready, and we are both going to do this together, and we are both going to learn it together. So, my older children are all girls, my first son, and I was scared of potty training a boy, but I talked myself down. And I was like, let’s get different. I can do this. We can do this together.

We’re going to learn it together. I found whenever I am faced with something new, my brain gets scared and I have an anxious response. And if I can switch the thought to I am teachable, I am learning, it feels better. So I just looked at potty training this time because it’s still one of my least favorite things to do as a parent.

It’s one of my least favorite, you know, benchmarks. I just looked at what I’m going to learn. He’s going to learn. I’m going to learn. We’re going to learn together. And we did, and it took a week and it was fun. 

Sterling:
Yeah, that’s incredible. I mean, there’s like moms listening who are like, what are you talking about? You had fun potty training. Like, what kind of alien are you? You’re such a weirdo. But this is literally when we know that something’s going to be difficult. We’re like, it’s going to be a, I like the word intense to like, it’s going to be an intense week. We’re going to have some accidents, but we’re together.

And I love how you were like, it was felt so connected the way that you were talking about it. And you guys can just have that. You can have those thoughts about any activity where you just make it feel fine. And, and I will tell you, you get so much of your energy back. You get so much of your time back when you do this.

It just feels like there’s more time and there isn’t any more time of course, but you’re just spending so much less time spinning out. Thank you, Miss Olivia.  Okay, what I want to do is just go through everybody one more time and give you a chance to just say anything you wanted. Sometimes when we kind of on a podcast, we think like, oh, I’d love to mention this.

And there’s all these women who are listening and some of them don’t understand coaching and some of them don’t understand the model or why it’s worth it, or they don’t believe, I hope they believe you. I hope that you guys see that these are five, just totally normal moms and they’re just doing this work and they’re just like you.

And they felt stressed out and anxious, and now they feel calm. Not all the time, of course. Of course we still feel stressed. But their ability to come back to this is what I want. This is what I’m doing. I want to create peace in my home is what all of these women share. So I’m just going to go through everybody one more time and just let you share anything that you want to.

So Miss April, I’m coming to you first. 

April:
All right. So I think one of the things that comes up that I want to make sure I share is there’s an episode that you had done. I think it was a daily Podcast about how we were made for our children. Our children were made for us. They’re a part of our Sainthood stories.

We’re a part of their Sainthood stories. And if you haven’t listened to that episode, I would highly, highly recommend it because that is something that I listened to, to get through the really, really tough days because. You, all the moms on here, you guys are made for your children. God made your children for you and you for your children.

And that, I think, has just been something that has stuck with me forever since I heard that episode and I just wanted to share that and just felt really moved to share that with everybody too. Cause I think it’s just, our brains get in the way, the world gets in the way and likes to tell us a lot of other things.

And But, you know, all of us are good moms, and we were all made for our kids, our kids were all made for us. So, yeah.

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that. And also, just even on your worst day, you know, God wasn’t like, hey, Sterling, only if you’re the best version of yourself every day, can you handle these kids, right? He just saw all of it, and all the mess, and all the crazy, and matched both of us up.

And so I think that, you know, I always think, by the way, that having one kid is the hardest number, right? Do you have any thoughts about that for reasons? I think also, women feel a lot of shame or embarrassment when they’re Catholic and they only have one kid. And when I go speak at a conference, I always say I have six kids, but that doesn’t make me Catholic.

Like, I don’t think the number of kids that you have makes you Catholic. And I have a lot of kids, so it sounds good. But I’m like, listen, if I had no kids, I’d still be super Catholic. Like it just has nothing to do with anything. So I don’t know. Do you have any thoughts about that for the other moms who are listening and have one kid? 

April:
Yeah, obviously I have not made the transition from one to two yet, but. I feel like the transition from zero to one was really hard for me because of the way I was living my life before because of that control piece that I was speaking to earlier and just always feeling the need for control. So I think in terms of, like there’s a real sense of empowerment even just in having one kiddo because it has, I think, led me to trust more deeply in the Holy Spirit, in the Lord.

And I have had to learn a lot about that idea of surrender and I really believe that even just having the one kiddo has allowed me to grow so much more in my faith because I’ve been learning to rely so much more on the Lord to just get through day to day sometimes because things are, are hard. I know we were talking about potty training earlier.

It’s funny you mentioned that because literally about a month ago, I started potty training my daughter. So during really, those really tough times, those tough weeks, like I’ve had to lean in and I don’t, you know, whether you have one kiddo or six kiddos or anywhere in between, like, you know, I think it’s a, you grow, you grow each time you grow deeper in your faith.

You learn with each, you know, new phase, new step, new kiddo. There’s just so much growth and so much you learn when you become a parent and a mom. And there are days when it can be really hard to balance work and motherhood and all that sort of stuff. So yeah, you learn a lot when you go from zero to one.

That is one thing I will say, you learn, you learn a lot.  

Sterling:
Yeah, but I love your focus on, on your growth because I think so often we compare ourselves to other families or other women or what they’re doing and, and I just think our journey here is to become saints and that is to become the best version of ourselves.

And I love that things are hard. We want them to be hard. If they were like, if they say, if you go to the gym and lift Styrofoam weights, it would be ridiculous. Like you wouldn’t even do that. We don’t want motherhood to be easy. We want it to be hard because that’s how we’re earning our saint stripes.

And I wish we had military jackets and that you got a special star when you went through potty training and they were like, oh, she has the potty training star. Like she lived through that, you know, cause it’s so difficult and so painful, but I think you can use all of those opportunities to come to know who you are.

And to grow in virtue. That’s what you’re saying, right? Like to keep noticing like, yep, motherhood is helping you grow in virtue and look at the motherhood that you have because it’s perfect for you and the sainthood journey that you have. Yeah. All right. Well, uh, Miss April, for everybody here, I’ll let you guys, if you guys have Instagram accounts or websites or anything like that, I’ll post them.

Not all of you do. And you certainly don’t have to if you have a private life, but if you in any way live a public life, then we’ll put all of that in the show notes below because I’m sure people would love to see. What you guys do. All right. Miss Katie Doe, what else would you like to say to everyone?

Katie Doe:
Yeah, I think if you are a mom who’s feeling like, you know, I wish  this or that part of my life was easier or better or not so hard or not so, you know, I wish I was enjoying motherhood more. Like it was a huge shift from going to being really good at my job to having a baby and then having another baby and like, not being good at some of these things or not enjoying it the same way that maybe you would what you might’ve been an expert at if you were like, I don’t If you worked before or however, or in your current role.

So I think it’s like, this is a way to advocate for yourself as some moms are really good at getting what they need and doing what, you know, like finding ways to keep themselves healthy and all of that. But I feel like a lot of moms are really terrible at advocating for themselves and their needs and like how to, I’m just the gatekeeper for so many things, right? 

For the family, for the home dynamics, like the home atmosphere, like, and also like Katie was saying too, just even how you model to your husband, like, oh, instead of having a toxic response here, I’m going to choose to like model how are we going to do this together? It’s such a, yeah, such a learning process.

I think digging into the community and, yeah, putting those, like you said, those virtues that you know, you want for yourself, for your family. You have to set time aside to do that. Like one of my favorite things that you talk about that I try to encourage other people to is like, you’ve said in coaching calls, mama, like you can get a 30 minute or a one hour like planning session every week for yourself so that you can help set yourself and your family up for success for the next week, right. And that can be like time for spirituality, like, I feel like I just do what you say, you say, come Holy Spirit, pray the Holy Spirit to come and join you as you’re planning. And so then you’re praying and you’re planning and you’re meal prepping all at the same time.

And that is true. That’s what Jesus does. So that’s what God and the saints and everyone, they want to come in and like, encourage us and help us. But again, like we have to have some of that time set aside, that kind of quiet in some way to perform and again, that’s advocating for yourself. You might have to talk to, even if you’re a single mom, like, is there a way that someone can watch the kids?

I think even moms Who are married to, it’s like some moms almost live as if they’re single moms. You got to kind of know what your network is so that you can find that time to, to start making these plans that will make things easier. And also, right. It’s like when you want to start making a positive change.

That’s when lots of things are going to come up, like barriers, you know, and stuff. It’s like, if you, if you want to slip and slide and do like, you know, a negative change, the doors will all open for you. But like, if you want to start, you know, like trying to change things for the better, like don’t, don’t be afraid that there might be some resistance or discouragements that come along the way, but like every little step is actually a big step.

And so just take a little step.  

Sterling:
I love that. And actually we have kind of retooled our, all of our programs, all the programs that are going to come out in the next year, all of them will involve 10 minutes of praying and 10 minutes of planning. Cause the more we kind of dig into it, we’re like, if I can get every woman on the planet to do that, the rest of her life will click in, but we just never want to do it and listen, I never want to do it.

I just don’t, I just don’t want to plan my day in the morning. I do not. I just have so much resistance to it. But now it’s so clear to me that when I take that time, the whole rest of my day goes more smoothly and I appreciate that you said, hey, when we want to make a positive change, particularly a spiritual one, there are often spiritual attacks and it’ll be like, oh, you’re going to have a terrible week, but just that to me, I have a reverse relationship with that, that now where I’m like, oh, I must be on the right track because you know, there’s resistance here and it’s, it’s worth pushing through and then now you can have a lot of kids and it’s not that life is not full. 

I’m sure your life is very full, right? But you can just. Be calmer in it. And I, I love how you said, think about your network. I’m a big fan of two moms watching each other’s kids for the hour. So like getting together and all the kids are there playing and one mom’s on deck for the hour and then you swap. 

So you could do that. Cause I, a lot of husbands won’t watch all the kids and that’s fine. We can have all the thoughts about that or not like we could let that go, but you know, there are ways to do it. Every single one of us can plan for an hour a week. Thank you so much, Katie. I thought that was so beautiful.

All right. Miss Ruby. What else would you like to share with us?

Ruby:
Yeah, final thoughts, I think for me, the things that affect me most in my day to day is that you’re in control of your thoughts. I know you say this all the time, but you know, you have the control over what you think about a specific thing.

And so I could tell myself that it’s going to be a terrible day, and then I could think all day long about how horrible it is, or I could see there’s a lot of things coming up objectively. And I’m going to pull out some strategies to get myself through that. And whatever the day brings is what the day is going to bring.

And that God’s going to be with you the entire time, regardless of the season that you’re in. You know, he’s not like, oh, this day’s a little too busy for me to squeeze in here so I’m going to see you tomorrow, you know? What’s your attitude in what you think about something? You’re in control of how you address that thing.

And so you can make it as easy or as hard as you want it. You can make it as challenging or as open to God as you want it to be. But ultimately to experience the fruits, I think of a lot of what I’ve listened to and thought about over the last year, just, you know, being part of this community that you get to, you’ve had that say, you have that choice of how you’re going to react and God can help you both ways, but you’re going to be a lot more open to hearing him.

And being connected to God, if you’re allowing yourself to come from a good place of peace and calm about it and recognizing that it’s okay to have those challenges, it’ll come, not a bad thing.  

Sterling:
Yeah. I love that because listen, motherhood is intense. We just don’t like to wake up and we’re like, yay, today’s going to be an awesome day. It’s going to be so fun. That’s not what I tell myself, but kind of like what you said, which is like, listen, the day is going to bring what it’s going to bring. And how do I want to show up and how do I want to think about it? I mean, it’s just, it’s never going to be  super easy and smooth going with 18 month old twins.

Like, we just know that. But  that’s why I call it like a wild and beautiful journey of motherhood. Because it is both, right? It’s wild and very unpredictable, but it’s also beautiful. And when we, because I used to do that too. I used to be like, today is going to be terrible. It’s going to be terrible. I’m having a terrible day.

And that was just the soundtrack in my mind all the time. And, and now, even, even if things are  even extra squirrely, I’ll be like, we can turn this around. Let’s have a great rest of the day. Like, I’ll just kind of turn it around and be like, how do I want to be? That’s fine that this happened. And I think it’s really great.

And I think, I think any moms who survived twin hood, maybe it’s just because I haven’t done that, you know, in my mind, it’s so mysterious that I’m just like, Oh, lots of St. Stripes. You’re like a four star general almost, you know, like it’s such a, such a difficult.

Ruby:
It’s just a lot of naked little people basically. I believe it’s just like trying to change one diaper. None of the other ones like to run off and rip off their diapers. You’re like, Oh, well, there we go, they’re naked again.  

Sterling:
Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds like you really get it. Like you really see, oh, I can change how I think about today and that it has brought more peace into your life. 

Ruby:
Yes. It definitely happened.  

Sterling:
All right. Thank you Miss Ruby. All right Miss Katie Cudworth I’m coming to you.  

Katie C.:
My favorite things over the internet are only crazy if the total wine podcast is posted on her Instagram. When we’re tempted to think that the more kids you have, the more Catholic you are. And I wish we could remember that the holiest family ever was made up of a father, a mother, and one child.

And then, so shout out to all the moms of a kid right now. And I’ve definitely been through the shame of thinking, wow, my life definitely isn’t as hard as any of these other moms in the membership of 11 kids and I have one. And a lot of moms in the membership have a lot of children. But Sterling, I have always felt seen by you.

I’ve always felt seen by all the coaches. And I think it’s amazing that, you know, Sterling really reaffirms the parents of a single child, by saying how hard she knows it to be. So if you have one kid, you are definitely just as welcome here as if you have nine. And yeah so thank you for that. My final, final thought is how I really appreciate the instruction of “we have to allow other people to have their own thoughts about us, and that has to be fine, no matter what those thoughts are.” 

That is one of the best lessons I have learned through Catholic Mom Calm. I know that my in-laws have thoughts about me sometimes. I know that my friends have thoughts about me sometimes. I know that my parents have thoughts about me sometimes. My husband, my daughter, everybody has thoughts about me.

My sister in law recently revealed something my father in law said to her about what he thinks about, you know, something I think about or something I said or whatever. And I was able to just be like, yeah, I could have guessed that. And it’s fine. My father sends me very sweet texts and he says it’s my kid all the time.

So both can be true. People can have judgmental thoughts about you and love you at the same time. And that is a major lesson that I’ve got, excuse me, that I’ve gotten from being in this membership and all the coaches that I’ve worked with over the past two and a half years have  really affirmed that.

So that is just such a crazy lesson. You really don’t learn anywhere else that the thoughts that other people have about us are fine. So, thank you for that. And that’s gonna be something amazing that members take from this community, that’s my hope.  

Sterling:
Yeah. Thank you. I love that. It’s true. You know, other people can have thoughts about us, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t love us like, they can love us. And have thoughts about us. And we have thoughts about them too, don’t we? We have tons of thoughts about them and we still love them. So we can kind of see that that goes together. And I’m sure I’ll do an episode about this because we’ve got a presidential election coming up in the United States.

And so everyone’s to have thoughts. There’s going to be so many thoughts going around. And we can just be like, yeah, that’s my uncle and he has thoughts and he doesn’t like what I think. I don’t like what he thinks and that’s fine and we can love each other and we’re all just humans trying to make it in this world.

And so thank you for bringing that. I think that’s true. That’s something that we talk a lot about is just accepting people and that they do have thoughts and it doesn’t, doesn’t have to change how we behave. We can still just love our reasons for things and, and show up the way that we want. 

So good, Miss Katie. All right,  Miss Olivia. What final thoughts would you like to share with us?

Olivia:
The one final thought that I really just want to tell everybody actually comes from a place of pain, but it is that your soul is precious. Like you are a mom, you are a wife, a sister, a daughter, a mother, like whatever you are, your soul is still precious. 

And sometimes that means walking away from something that you are not covenantally, that’s not a word, but that you are not tied to as part of a covenant. Maybe sometimes you have to  obey from people who are not helping your soul to grow closer to the Lord. And so for me, for an example of that, we have five children and five is a lot and they are spread pretty far apart.

There’s a decade between them. And quite frankly, I love children, but I’m ready to be out of the baby phase. I’ve done this for a decade. I feel very full, but I’m also not going to do anything  against church teaching. I will use a church approved method of spacing children and respecting my body and understanding that because I understand the teaching.

But what has happened is that as I have had more children, many of the other people I’ve known have also had more children and I’ve watched as these people have made choices that are different from the choices I’m making. And I understand everybody has different reasons, but the point where I felt like I was the only person in this little, this little group who was living this out and it was making me feel and by it making me, I was allowing myself to feel all sorts of jealousy and frustrations and this beautiful gift of fertility that I don’t want to take for granted. I never want to take that for granted, especially for anybody who is experiencing infertility, but I was just feeling so beaten down by it.

And so I ended up talking to my husband who was just this voice of reason and he was like, well, what about the people, you know, who have said we are going to live this, you know, natural family planning. If we have another baby, we have another baby type of life out. And I have found these three other women.

So there’s four of us. We have a variety of children. One has eight, one hasn’t five. I have five and another has three and we all get together once a month. The kids play sometimes, we just, the moms just go out to eat and we just have a chance to be together. And I come away from those interactions, feeling so grateful for this church teaching instead of the connections where I came away feeling, you know, awful and feeling very, very tempted to do something that I know is a sin.

And that’s not me trying to judge you. It’s just like, my soul is precious and if I need distance from a certain thought group, then I’m allowed to take that. And I did. And that was very free because at first I would have been like, I’m scared. What if they don’t like me? Well, it’s like you were saying, they’re going to have that and that’s okay.

I have thoughts  and I found something that is helping me actually live out what the teaching is and I think that just remembering my soul as precious has been just completely mind changing. 

Sterling:
Yeah, I love that. And I have said on this podcast, it was, you know, especially when I was living in Oregon, it was really hard when several of our friends started to get vasectomies.

And then there, and then my brain only looked for how their life was better than mine. It was like, they’re so free, they have so much money, they can do what they want. Like, and, and now I’m like, I probably don’t, that’s just what my brain was looking for so that it could be upset. But yeah, I think finding people that have the same values.

And, and it’s the same thing as kind of what Katie Doe was saying, which is, when you find this work, do you want to go hang out with people who like this work? Because, you know, they don’t complain in the same way. We still complain. We’re like, Oh, things are hard. But then we turn it around. We’re like, okay, but what can you do?

Or how can you think about that? And it’s so fun to spend time with people who share your values, whether it’s being Catholic or the work that we do here and and then, you know, as you’ll quickly discover when you become Catholic, there’s like a spectrum of Catholics, right? And a spectrum of what people believe.

And so absolutely just knowing what is stealing your peace. And so we always have two options. We can manage our mind around it. Like you can say, oh, I can stay with these people and manage my mind. But sometimes we don’t want to. Sometimes the better answer is actually, I’m just going to spend less time with them.

And our brain is wired to kind of think that to be good people, we have to like everyone, but we actually don’t. We have to be charitable to everyone, right? So we have to be charitable and kind. We don’t feel like everyone and so if you notice, hey, when I’m spending time with these people, or I will even say watching shows or reading books, and it feels like it’s hurting your soul. 

Your soul is precious. I love that and I think it’s, it’s so good to stand up for yourself and say, you know what? I’m going to be judged on this one life that I have and I’m going to put myself in different environments or guard my eyes or guard my heart in all of these, these different ways.  Gosh, I just, I think the punchline of what everybody said is that you guys are worth the effort. 

You guys are just worth the effort of learning and growing and putting this time in. And it doesn’t even take that much time, but you do have to put some time into it. And I think you guys have all said it, in one way or another, like, hey, this is just worth it. It’s worth it to enjoy your life better.

And I imagine Christ watching all of us and he’s like, yeah, I need you so that you could be at peace in this world that I gave you. Not make you for anxiety and for freedom and you can, you can hear how each of these women feel free. You can hear that.

And what they said, they feel free to be who they are. And  you know, the devil always, he can’t create anything. He can only corrupt things. And so they’ve corrupted this, like you do you.  Right. And like, you can be whoever you want to be kind of change your gender kind of thing. That’s the toxic version of that.

The holy version is that God made you unique and unrepeatable and for this time and for a very specific work. And our job is to discover that with him, but it should feel very spiritual and very aligned with him and very calm. It doesn’t feel like you’re trying to escape something or overcompensate for something.

It doesn’t feel kind of crunchy like that. So thank you everybody for coming and being vulnerable and sharing that. I just sent out an email to all of our members and said, who wants to come join me? So, you know, I didn’t know what kind of background everyone was going to have and what everyone was going to say, but wow, we really touched on a lot of things in an hour.

We really did. And I’m so thankful for that. And so if you want to come join us. Come join us. We are for the first time instead of making it a membership, we’re just letting people come join us for three months. It is the same thing as it’s always been but if you just want to come spend three months with us I know that some people are really nervous about memberships and they don’t want to commit to something that they don’t know if they’re gonna like it and so we wanted to give people an opportunity to come and do this work for three months with us and So we’re doing this, you know, Mary’s heart Martha’s order challenge starting September 3rd and we’re going to do practical things like meal planning and laundry systems and setting up your car so it can be the best kind of personal assistant to you.

But I will tell you that the real work that we’re going to do is changing who you are while you do those things. Because any of you can Pinterest that, any of you can Google meal planning. The reason you’re not meal planning though is because of the thoughts that you’re having in your brain and the stories that you’re telling yourself. 

And most of you feel like you don’t have enough time or you’re not worth the time to sit and pray and plan. And when we drop those two things in, then you’re so good at problem solving. That’s what you’ll discover. You’re so good at figuring things out. And all of us kind of end up doing our own thing anyway, but we do it from this place of love and peace and, and just really knowing that God made us the way that we are.

And it’s okay if we live just like that, we don’t have to look like anyone else. So I really want to encourage you guys to come join us. For that, I’m really excited about it. It’s new. It’s fun. We’re gonna challenge everyone to pray for 10 minutes a day and plan for 10 minutes a day. Just go to catholicmomcalm.com/marymartha and you can check out all the details. And I think you’ll find that that is a really life changing thing. And when people come join us they have different stuff, right? Maybe your marriage, maybe your kids, maybe your job, maybe relationships with your extended family or your neighbors, maybe your weight, maybe a chronic health thing.

But we all have these crosses and we can learn how to, to carry them well and to carry them with grace. And that I think is what we all deeply desire. So thank you ladies for coming on. I really appreciate it. And I am praying for all of you here and all of you listening. 

Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast and have a blessed day.