A Mary and Martha Motherhood

We haven’t flown any from the nest yet, but one of my good friends just flew her second one.  And for me, you know, this girl has been in my life for three years. And now she just got married and she’s moving to college. She just moved. I’m like, oh, maybe I’ll see her at Thanksgiving.  And so it’s been interesting to watch this, this process of a child kind of leaving the nest. 

So, it’s wild. Motherhood is wild and beautiful. It can just be both. I think a lot of times we get stuck in the language of, oh, this is so hard or it’s never going to end or, and I’m here raising my hand as the leader of the melancholic thoughts about motherhood. But I just constantly bring my brain back to.
It’s beautiful. It’s wild. It’s such a privilege. You know that God has trusted me with these kids. And I’m figuring it out. I never tell myself like, oh, it’s great. I’m doing great. I’m like, I’m figuring it out. I do tell myself I’m a good mom though. We are the good moms. I do say that. Okay. I was just a little. That’s just a little pre podcast, podcast. Today, we’re talking about Mary Martha motherhood.  So we know the story of Mary and Martha. 

You know, Jesus comes and Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus and Martha is cleaning, cooking, whatever she’s doing. And she comes in and she says, Mary, aren’t you helping me? In front of Jesus, by the way, I was just like pretty gutsy, because she wanted us to pause there before we continued in that story in front of Jesus. She like calls out her sister and they have done this story in the chosen. It wasn’t just Jesus. It was all the disciples. Now I, you know, it doesn’t say, I think.  

Specifically, it does say that Jesus and his disciples. You know, Go to this village so we can assume maybe that they were there. She calls Mary out in front of all these people just kind of wild to me. And she says, Hey, you’re not helping me. And what’s interesting is at least the way that the story is told she doesn’t even talk to Mary first. Right, she doesn’t go, hey Mary, can you come talk to me in the hallway for a minute? Like discreetly. She actually goes to the Lord first.  

And she says, Lord , don’t you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself. Then, oh my goodness and I would love to know what the original translation of this was, but she goes, tell her to help me. It’s crazy, she must’ve been very intimate with the Lord, like been such good friends with him. That she felt like she could speak to him like that. To just say, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself, tell her to help me. So, you know, this is important to just slow down here because we want to be both Mary and Martha. And we want to recognize where each of those become disordered.  

We want to take care of our home. We want to serve our families. We want to do the work. And we also want to curl up at the foot of the cross at the foot of Jesus. And so, Jesus says, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. We don’t know what the many things were. It wasn’t just the work, but we know that when we are often in that part of our brain. Worried about being late, not having enough. All the details that we manage in motherhood. We do, we feel anxious and worried. But Jesus says there is a need for only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her. And so, God is not saying here. Right? Don’t clean the house. Don’t make dinner. But he is labeling those things, the many things.  

There are many things that you can be anxious and you can worry about, but there’s only one thing that we need. There is a need of only one thing. And that is Christ. And I think it’s our prayer life. And our prayer life can be, you know, sitting reading books and, and actively praying and carving out time for that. But it also can be in the moment. Martha could have paused in that moment and just pray to the Lord. Lord, help me to calm down, help bring me peace, help me to see this situation the way that you see it. Now, I wish that they had given us more information in this story because I wish Jesus had said, Okay, Mary, why don’t you sit with me for an hour and then we’ll all get up and clean the house.  

Because we cannot just be Mary at the feet of Jesus. We have to get up and serve also. But I think it’s built into this story Jesus is telling us and when you are serving to not be anxious, to not be worried. So, we are going to do something very different that we’ve never done before. In my mind, it’s kind of two things. We are going to run this new challenge. We’re calling it the Mary’s heart and Martha’s order eight week challenge. And the first thing that I’ve never done before is tell you what to do.  

I was really thinking about all the things. All the challenges, all the programs. You know, we’re coming up on our fourth anniversary.  All the things that we’ve done.  And I really love teaching you how to pray and how to manage your mind, but I always say kind of make it your own. So one of the things that I’m going to do in this challenge is I’m going to tell you what to do. I’m going to tell you about meal planning. I’m going to tell you about laundry systems. I’m going to tell you about cleaning out your car and putting things in your car that make your life easier. 

When you leave the house, I’m calling it kind of like making your car, your best personal assistant. So where your car is like, Hey, don’t worry what kind of day you’re having, I’ve got you. She needed band aids, I’ve got band-aids. Do you need water? I’ve got water. Right. So that your car is like your best personal assistant. I’m going to teach you how to make decisions.  I’m going to teach you how to transition. We taught, you know, I just did that on the podcast “transitioning well”, we’re going to go through that. We’re going to talk about forgiveness. And so we’re going to do this eight week challenge and it’s going to be extremely practical. It’s going to be the Martha side of things. And I just don’t think we’ve ever done that before. I mean, I’ve really kind of helped you guys with the theory of a lot of things and the emotions that you can experience while you’re doing things, but not, hey this is how you can run your home. So I’m pretty excited about it.  

This is, we did a survey and a lot of people just wanted really practical help. So, just know that there are these two different components. There’s actually learning something like meal planning skills. It’s just a set of skills. Set of guidelines, set of rules. And you can learn that right now. A hundred percent of you can go to Google meal planning. You can go put it into chat GPT for those of you that use AI. You didn’t go to Pinterest.  

You can acquire knowledge, the practical knowledge of doing things. And then the second part is the emotional state with which you used to do those things. The emotional state and how closely you’re walking with the Lord when you do those things. And this is how we balance being Mary and Martha. And some of you right now are feeling very overwhelmed by your lives. And it’s very easy for our brains, first of all, just to stay there. If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, the likelihood that you will just problem solve well is low. But you can, you can calm yourself down and go, oh, I’m actually fine right now.  

What skills do I need to acquire? What do I need to learn?  Is it meal planning? Is it a homeschooling curriculum? Is it better communication with your husband? They’re just skills.  And then as you are acquiring those skills and practicing them, there is still managing your mind and anchoring to the Lord. And so managing your mind means how you talk to yourself in your mind while you’re doing the things. 

So you could find a laundry system that works really well for you. You read about it and you think, yep that is really great. That works with our family. But then while you’re doing it, you’re telling yourself there’s so much laundry. It never ends. As soon as I do it, there’s more laundry and nobody helps me. And this is terrible and so your experience of using the skills and practicing the skills it’s still bad. You are anxious and worried and I will tell you that you can learn to manage your mind. You can learn to speak to yourself differently in your mind, so that the process of doing the laundry is more enjoyable and that still doesn’t include, necessarily, walking closely with the Lord.  

There are plenty of secular people who manage their minds. I mean, that is not the same thing as walking closely with the holy spirit and having a relationship with Christ. That’s where we bring in and I’m doing the laundry for you, Lord. Because he has asked us to, and because we want to honor that he’s given us the clothes and the family. It’s a gift back to him to take care of it, to steward it well. And so in this challenge, we’re going to bring both of those things together, the skills of practically taking care of your house and our experience of carrying out those skills. In this challenge, we’re going to have a points tracker and we’re going to give you points for praying every day and planning every day.  

And I really have been thinking about how can I get women to do these choosings more often?  Because both of those things really, really can take 10 minutes. How can I get them to do this?  And that’s why we like to make it part of our challenge. It’s to show you that when you slow down, And take 10 minutes to pray and 10 minutes and, and the praying is not like praying the rosary. 

It’s talking to God and saying, Lord, what do you want me to do today? Lord, what do you, what does this kiddo need? What does my husband need? What does my home need? But when you slow down to do 10 minutes of praying and 10 minutes of planning. Your life will get so much better. It’s just incredible. And I wanted to capture all the things that we’re doing in this. challenge, in this podcast, for those of you that choose not to come join the challenge. A lot of you will. But I’m telling you right now, how to make your life better.  

Which is to identify practical skills that you need, when you’re calm. So we can’t be anxious when we’re doing that. And then we’re gonna pray for 10 minutes and we’re gonna plan for 10 minutes from peace. And then you’re just going to live your day. Most of you are not doing these things. You were walking around being anxious and worried or overwhelmed or sad. And I know because that’s how I used to live all the time. And it’s interesting we are, have I said some podcasts yet I don’t know, but my seven year old is going to go to five day school. There’s this amazing farm school. He’s going to go to five day school, six minutes away from my house.  And I’m so excited for him. He’s been on the waitlist for three years. And I am doing more of the homeschooling and I’m bringing kids to my house and homeschooling kids other than my kids. And that’s new. And I’m still running this business. And my house.  

So my Calendar and what I have to think about is increasing. It’s going to be more full starting next week. And I have not been very anxious about it because I know I’m going to pray and I’m going to plan. I’m going to speak to myself kindly every day. And I’m going to walk closely with the Lord and if he wants me to change anything, he’ll let me know. Just a couple days ago, we went through everybody’s clothes and, you know, the great clothing changeover. We were doing it for sizes, not necessarily seasons. I think we will still have warm weather here for another month or two. But we were doing it for sizes and decluttering. One of the things that I’m going to teach you in the laundry section is that it is so much more manageable to do laundry for a family of eight. When you do not have extra clothes. And clothes, just show up my friends. Clothes just multiply. 

I don’t know how it happens, it’s just that. Well, I do like all the kids went to vacation Bible school and got a t-shirt and in my mind, I was like, well, you’re for sure not keeping that t-shirt. And I usually let them keep it for a week or two, because they’re kind of still enjoying the VBS energy, but I know we’re not going to keep that. And then people give us clothes, oh, here’s just a grocery bag of clothes my daughter grew out of. And of course, when that happens, my kids always want those clothes, even though I’ll look at them and be like, you were definitely not going to wear that. They just want it cause it’s new to them.  

And so, having fewer clothes is one of the ways that laundry is more manageable and when laundry is more manageable, it makes your whole life feel more manageable. And because I have done this, I am not freaked out about the fall when my life is going to be more full than it has been. And I can teach you how to do this. I do teach you on this podcast.  If you’ve just found this podcast in the last year, I really encourage you to go back. Go back to episode one and read the titles and just listen to anything that feels relevant to your life. There is so much now in the years that we’ve done this podcast.  

God does not want us to be anxious and worried. He wants us to curl up his feet and receive from him wisdom and strength. And then he wants us to get up and surf in the world. Whoever he is put in front of us. The second thing that we have never done before, I’m pretty excited to do this, is since we started this company, we have always offered what we have done as a membership and for this challenge we are selling it as just a challenge. So you do not need to come join our memberships. And normally we do challenges in the membership and we say, hey, come join us in the membership. And then we’ll do this challenge. For this challenge, you do not need to come join us in the membership. 

I know some of you don’t want to join memberships and that’s totally fine, I understand that. I hesitate very strongly before joining a membership. And so we wanted to give people an opportunity who just wanted to say yes, I want to come spend three months with you to do that. It’s $99 for three months. The Mary’s heart, Martha’s order challenge will be the first eight weeks. And then, as a bonus, but I really wanted everyone to be part of this. In November, we do our less stress for the holidays program. And I just love you all so much, and I don’t want you to be stressed over the holidays. And so, we were like, let’s make it three months and throw that in there. So for eight weeks, we will be bringing order to our homes and our prayer life.  

I know you want to do that. You do not want to feel like you are drowning in your own life. And maybe you’ve tried making a chore list before, and Googling things about laundry and meal planning. But the reason that it is not part of your life is because you’re not bringing that other piece, which is how you talk to yourself about it and walking closely with the Lord, I’m going to teach you those things. But we are giving you very practical steps for all of these things. And we will also do a decluttering week, which I’m excited about, you know, you know, how much I love decluttering. We just got rid of two huge bags of clothes after I did the great clothing changeover and it made me feel so happy. I was like, get out of here clothes.  

And we’re gonna have points for praying and planning every day and then each week there will be a challenge, laundry challenge and meal planning challenge, and you’ll get points for that. So we really love point trackers, it just makes it fun. And that’s a hack by the way that you can do in your own life is that you can just keep track of something with a sticker chart or points, and then just give yourself a reward at the end. It seems silly, but that is just how the brain works. 

The brain loves the dopamine that it gets from checking things off and from feeling accomplished. And from anticipating a reward and the reward could be a bubble bath or a $5 latte or a new book that you want. I mean, it could just be anything, but just saying, hey, I’m going to do this thing all week in my house and then I’m going to give myself a reward.  

We want to be Mary and we want to be Martha. We want both of those things and we should be both of those things. And both of those things I think are really captured so beautifully in the Proverbs 31 woman. We can see that she did both of those things. And we want to be able to with grace step into one role and then step into the other role. And to know that both are good. But the only thing that is necessary, necessary, is our relationship with Christ. All the other things can come and go and change and they will.  

So the other piece of this challenge is that I am going to pray with you every morning. I’ve recorded a prayer every single morning for the eight weeks. It’s a lot y’all but I wanted you to have this. I wanted you to be able to have this and keep it. And it’s in a podcast form. So wherever you listen to podcasts, you can be able to listen to these prayers. And each week the prayers will be focused on the virtue of Mary. The blessed Virgin Mary, not the Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus. There’s a lot of Mary’s in the Bible, my friend.  

But I wanted to bring in our blessed mother of course, because she is such a good example of how we can live. And she has these virtues associated with her. And so each, each week, in the background of us doing these very practical things and wearing our Marta hat, we will be meditating on the virtues of Mary and you can listen to it first thing in the morning, or you can listen to it while you’re doing the work. So I really want you to come join us for this challenge. We’ll bring order to your home and we’ll bring the Lord to your heart. You can increase your capacity in your vocation of motherhood. I have watched myself do it. I’ve watched so many of our clients do it. And they, and they, my favorite emails are the ones where they go “I had a horrible week and I handled it really well” and they’re so excited to tell me.  

Because that is where this work really shines. Is on the hard days or the full seasons. I can tell I’m about to head into a full season and I just feel really ready. I’m like, bring it. Let’s go.  And I know there will be hard days. I know that someone will get sick and then it will snow. And something will break in the house. I don’t know, life happens. But I feel so confident that I have these tools to be able to talk to myself kindly. The experience in my mind isn’t a haunted house, like it used to be. I know how to pray and I know how to plan and the rest of it can be figured out. So we opened the doors for this on Monday, August 26. And they will be open for one week. So you’ll have one week to sign up and then we kick off the challenge the day after labor day, which is Tuesday, September 3rd. And we always give you one week to get ready for the challenge. We call it week zero.  

Because your mom, I love you. If we’d started the day that everybody came in all of us, our brains would freak out. So we don’t do that. We give you a week to just like, take a deep breath.  And then we started the following week, will be week one. So it actually will feel like nine weeks, but the eight weeks. You know, you’ll have one week to prepare for them and then I’m going to hold your heart for our less stress for the holidays program. Which is, gosh, maybe one of my favorite things that we do every year. So I love you. If you’re not in the position to join us right now. Listen to this episode again. Write down what I said and do it. You can do it. You really, really can and then pray. And if God is asking you to come join us, then look for the signup page. I will do a little bonus podcast episode that just says the doors are open. 

Here’s the link. And then you’ll be able to click that. All right my friends. Thank you so much for listening. I’m praying for you. Please pray for me and have a blessed day.