Having a Great Day

And in a lot of the coaching that I’ve been doing. Like I said, overwhelm stress, hardship, guilt, anger, sadness. All these circumstances that create these big feelings. What we have ended up with, as the truth is and how can I have a really great day?  

How can I have a great week? Our brain is so focused on looking for danger and solving problems. That is moms, it’s almost like we have our head down. And we’re just working and we’re just working through all these things. And I just want to invite everybody today to pick their head up and go. This is a great day. This is a great house. 

We’re having a great summer. I can’t tell you how many moms I coached who come feeling just terrible. She’s like, this is awful. Let me tell you what happened. And they give me some pretty gnarly circumstances. And then as we sort through it, It’s amazing how many of them landed at. I’m having a great summer. How was it true? That you’re having a great summer, or if you’re listening to this outside of the summer, any season.  How is it true that you’re having a great week? Or a great month?  

Part of the work that we do here is to reframe our thoughts which means look at situations differently. So that we feel differently about them. And this takes effort. But it is well worth the effort. Because you can go from thinking about today’s hard, my relationships are bad. The kids are barbarians. I’m stuck here. This is awful. And you can get to we’re having a great summer. Right now, I want you to just think of three examples. Three pieces of evidence that you’re having a great summer. That there’s someone else who would look at your summer and go, wow, that’s pretty great.  

And listen, I was sitting in a lawn chair, watching my kids swim in our Costco pool. And the amount of drama and crying that the kids had over these mermaid diving toys. So we have a bunch of diving toys, like six. But only one is a mermaid and looks kind of like a torpedo diving toy that goes to the bottom of the pool. And everybody wanted this diving toy. And no one was being particularly generous or charitable in the way that they were using it. And so there were a lot of hurt feelings, a lot of strong things being said, I think my seven year old at one point got very upset and just threw it out of the pool. Okay, so here I am sitting wanting to read a book. 

I brought a book out. I was like, I’m such a good mom I’m going to sit here so the kids can swim and they’re going to have a wonderful time. And then there was so much crying, so much drama. And in my mind, as an adult, of course, we’re like, this is so dumb. It is a mermaid diving toy. All the diving toys are the same. They sink to the bottom. All of them. It does not matter what shape they are. You could enjoy any of the diving toys, right? And I could allow my brain to sit there and think this is terrible. The kids are terrible. I’m terrible. This summer is terrible. I can’t ever do anything. You can’t even read your book for five minutes and unchecked. 

That is exactly what my brain would tell me. That is a story that my brain would tell me. And then by the way, I just feel this yuckiness in my chest. Like a green goo, that’s just growling. It’s rooted in my heart and it kind of like leaks out all over my chest and feels terrible. And then I can notice that and change the way that I think about it. I can just think this is a beautiful day. I can’t believe we have a backyard big enough to fit a Costco pool. This is amazing!  

It’s such a blessing to have a pool for the summer. I grew up in an apartment. I think there was a pool in the apartment, but we weren’t allowed to go there because my parents worked all the time. So, I mean, my first of all, I just grew up with my mom. My dad lives somewhere else. And, so even though apartments have pools, I didn’t get to be in the pool during the summer. I mean, maybe she’d take us a couple of times, but on a random Wednesday I was in an apartment watching cartoons, making top ramen by myself. My brother was there, but as is often the case siblings don’t naturally get along very well together.  

Maybe that’s not true, but it was for us. I mean, we were like civil to each other, but we weren’t chummy. We weren’t besties. And so here we are having an incredible summer. And yes, there’s some kid things and yes, I can talk to them about that. I’m not saying it’s okay. That they speak to each other without charity and kindness. But it doesn’t have to mean that I’m having a bad day and then we’re having a bad summer. And then my kids are having a bad childhood. And so I just want us to start flipping everything around because probably everything that drives you nuts in your life comes from a blessing.  

There was some sort of blessing in your life and maybe there is part of it that is painful. And has a bit of the cross in it too. But I wouldn’t have the cross of the mermaid drama if I didn’t have these children. So the children are a blessing and with this blessing comes diving toy drama. And some of you are working and feeling bad that you are not with your kids. So the blessing is that you have this job. And it comes across as not being with your kids. And some of you are not working and you are with your kids all the time. And so with the blessing of getting to be home with them for the summer comes across being home with them for the summer.  

Some of you have adult children. Which is amazing. It’s amazing that you created adult children, that you parented them into. You stewarded these little souls for 18 plus years and they are now functional people in society. What a blessing and comes to the crosses too, doesn’t it.  

And so, unchecked your brain is just going to run around and be pouty and wild, like a toddler. Just completely emotionally unregulated with the most wild stories about things. And it is your job to keep bringing it back to this is okay, my life is pretty good, looking for the good things.  And I get it. You know, when we’re having a rough day, it feels. Like a big, I rollie moment when someone’s like, just be grateful for what you have. But this, it’s a little slower than that. This is just actively choosing to reframe something. I think sometimes the gratitude exercise can feel a little shallow. And we know that it’s shallow because in our body we’re like, I mean, I have drinking water. But in our body, it just feels like, yeah. I mean, I guess there are some things. But it doesn’t feel deep. It doesn’t create the warm, fuzzy feelings in our body.  

Of bliss of joy, of gratitude of awe. I want to be in awe of the things that God has done in my life. And so this reframing, looking at something a different way. It takes a little bit of effort and it should feel slower, but the results should be warmth in your body. Like, yeah, maybe your summer is wild and crazy because you signed up your kids for tons of stuff. And then I just want you to love that. Ah, it’s amazing. I signed my kids up for lots of stuff and they get to do that. And I’m so proud of that decision and I liked the kind of mom that I am.  And yes, then it’s hard to drive around a lot. Some of you were pregnant. 

One of my friends is about to have a baby any day now.  And so with the blessing of this baby,  is being super pregnant in July. And some of you want to get pregnant and are not getting pregnant. And so it feels like there’s this cross of infertility. But with that cross comes the blessing of space and time. What is God calling you to do with this space and this time that is also a gift. Our brain is wired to look for what we do not have and to look for danger. That is not a you problem. It’s not like you got a negative brain. Our brains are very hard on us. They’re very sure that things are going wrong. And they’re a little bit sure that it’s our fault too.  

But it isn’t my friend. It isn’t your fault. It isn’t your fault that you have a human brain. It is your responsibility to learn how to use your brain. Imagine that we just gave a car to a 16 year old and we didn’t teach them about all the laws and all the traffic rules and how the car worked. We just gave them the car, we’re like good luck.  That’s kind of how brains are. We do not teach people how to use the brain. We don’t teach them the healthy things that are like the equivalent of putting oil in the car. And then brain’s is just driving all over the world. Wreaking havoc. Which is what would happen if we just gave people cars and we didn’t teach them how to use the cars and we didn’t show them the rules. And the rules are there for safety and efficiency.  

And so for your brain, one of the rules that are there for safety and efficiency and of course it’s optional just like driving the car and following the rules is optional. Is, you do not need to believe all the thoughts that pop up in your mind. You do not need to plant them. You do not need to water them. You can look at them and decide. Do I want to think this? And, one of the things that we can do, which is like putting oil in the car, which makes the car run more smoothly, is spending time with the Lord. Spending time with the Lord in prayer. Listening to him. I, and I like wrote prayers, like praying the rosary. I like those kinds of things, but make sure that you are spending some amount of time in prayer where you get to listen to God.  

You get to listen to him and that is going to help you clean out your brain so it functions better. So we, we kind of build up the gunk on our brain. It’s kind of like brushing our teeth. We get the fuzzies on our teeth. And then God is the one that kind of cleans it out and then we’re like, oh, I can see better. And I think, listening to really good podcasts and listening to coaching is one of those things too. If I’m feeling really down, I just start listening to coaching calls. And it’s amazing how inspiring it is and how watching someone else grapple with the truth, because here’s what happens when you listen to somebody else being coached. You’re like, I mean, obviously this is what she should be thinking. Like it’s so easy to see someone else’s stuff. But then while you see their thing, you will also go, oh, I’m doing the same thing probably in a different area of your life.  

You know, I’m exaggerating this or I’m downplaying this, or I’m acting helpless also in this area of my life. And I just think coaching is so powerful. And not everyone can afford having a one-on-one coach, which is like, not everyone can afford having a one-on-one personal trainer, but there are so many cost-effective ways to access coaching and coaching principles. This whole podcast is one of those. And then the Catholic mom com membership is another one of those. 

I’m telling you, if you join that and listen to coaching calls. It will change your life. I don’t know anything that changes your life that much for that little amount of money. And there are now. So many Catholic coaches. And so there are so many Catholic Coaching podcasts. And you can just type them in like open iTunes and just put a Catholic coach. And look at them. What if you’re having a great summer? What if everything that’s difficult about your life right now is coming tied with a beautiful blessing. What have you have so much more control over how you experience things?  

And I think, one of the best questions we can ask ourselves is how do we be at peace?  With anything that’s happening, especially the really gnarly things. How do we kiss our crosses? How do we love our crosses? And listen, I just have to be in the right mood to think about that. Cause sometimes, I’m just arms crossed and I’m like, no, I will not kiss that cross.  

No one escaped the cross. What I want us all to escape, is the pain that we heap on top of the cross. The unnecessary suffering that we just create for ourselves by the way we think about things. Like I could have just sat there and I, for sure, before coaching, I would’ve just sat there and ruminated on how awful motherhood was. It’s so awful. I’m stuck here, these kids. Ah,  Everything sucks. Like I would’ve just had the yuckiest thoughts about that.  

I probably would have yelled at them too. And then I would’ve felt terrible about myself. And instead it’s just completely optional to now, first of all, annoyance was my first feeling, right. The thoughts that came up about the mermaid diving toy were like, well, it was a ridiculous. Ah, children. So I don’t know that anything escapes that first thing that pops up.  

But at that moment I went, oh, I’m not planning that. I’m not planting those thoughts in my mind. We’re having a great summer. These kids are wonderful. Did I order some shark diving toys on Amazon? Indeed, I did. I was like $9 my also just make this better for my life. And I talked to them about charity and kindness, and I said, if this keeps happening, I’m taking it.  

So, I don’t want you to think that acceptance means that we don’t drop into any form of discipline or rules for the kids. That we’re just like, it’s fine. Children or children, that’s not what I mean at all. But I wouldn’t have even had the presence of mind to come up with those things if I was sitting there thinking I’m terrible, summer’s terrible. Children are terrible. What if you’re having a great summer? I want you to ask yourself this question until you feel like a gold light  emanating out from your chest. So it’s going to start in your heart and then it’s going to glow and it’s going to spread until it feels like your whole chest is warm.  

I want you to keep thinking about what’s great about your summer right now. Enough things until any kind of tension melts away. And you have this warm lovely feeling in your chest. And I really love picturing the sacred heart of Jesus in my body. Like overlaid on my heart, glowing because a lot of the pictures, right. The heart is so glowy and there’s fire in it. God lives inside of you.  And he chose this beautiful, perfect life just for you. He designed every little detail of it. I want you to feel special. I want you to feel chosen. I want you to know that you are a good and loving father. Has picked this summer for you. Why? How is he calling you into a deeper relationship with him? How is he calling you? Into your sainthood story.  

If your life was a book, what would be the name of this chapter right now that you’re living through? And it might be an intense chapter. It might be a harrowing chapter. But in inspirational books even those chapters have great titles, like she climbed the mountain. She went to battle.  She overcame. We love adventure stories but I think we’re all living in adventure story.  

All right my friends. I am praying for you. Please pray for me. Thank you so much for listening and have a blessed day.