Hey Mama… You’re the Boss

And I don’t like it at all. I do not like how, at the beginning of October, I was just like, oh no. And I like planning presents. Presence and things a little bit early. I don’t like leaving it to the last minute, but the conversations are just like dragging us into the holidays before we’re ready to go. I do not like it at all, my friends. But at the end of October, we always do an episode about the holiday season. Because for many years, it was just a really rough season for me. Raised by a single mom, both my parents were in the jewelry industry, so they worked a ton. And I didn’t have a lot of extended family and I just felt really lonely and sad during the holidays. And so my brain for many years had a reverse relationship with it. Like I would see other people who were like, oh, I love the holidays. And I would just love to live through September and maybe most of October and then just pooop go to January. I think that would have been my preference for many years and so I have just made it my mission to help people not be as sad or anxious during the holiday season. And so I just want to tell you right now, No one can make you do anything.

No one can make you hand out candy on Halloween. No one can make you dress up for All Saints Day. No one can make you handmade pies for Thanksgiving instead of buying that giant pumpkin pie from Costco.

No one can make you drink lots of eggnog lattes because it is the season.

It’s going to feel like people are trying to make you. Okay, because we live in a materialist consumerist, capitalist society, particularly in America. We just feel like we have to do things. And they’re out, there’s a couple episodes about this, but how many of you feel like you have to go to the pumpkin patch? There are people in other countries who were like, what are you talking about? What do you mean you pay money to walk around a parking lot or like the cornfield equivalent of a parking lot?

To buy pumpkins. It’s crazy. I love the pumpkin patch. I’m not knocking on pumpkin patches, but I just want to show you like the crazy pressure there is, it makes us all collectively feel like we have to do these things. And then moms are just like stress, burnt out, overwhelmed and instead of thinking I live in an absolutely insane environment that’s constantly pressuring me to do things that are not good for me, probably something’s wrong with me. I’m lazy, I’m negative, I’m a hot mess, like your brain is just going to attribute your stress to things that it thinks are wrong with you. Instead of being like, Hey, do you know, what’s crazy getting Christmas ads in your Instagram feed on October 1st.

Like I just, oh my goodness.

You don’t have to participate in black Friday. For a few years I did, I was like, there are good sales, electronics go on sale. It is a reasonable thing to spend time looking for black Friday deals. And now I’m hard out. I don’t do it. The only thing I do is usually, and I’m not sure I’m going to do it this year because I have a lot of tea. Is that my favorite company, the Republic of Tea, does a really great job. If you buy three bags of bulk tea, you get one for free. And those are spending their 250 bags of tea. But if you buy three, you get one for free and sometimes I do that and then I think audible has a great Black Friday sale on audio books, but I don’t have to shop either of those things, like I know what tea I drink and I’m by audible credits. I do not look at Amazon. I do not look at any sales anymore. It is so clear to me that the deals are not that great. And they put the cheap versions of things on sale. It’s never what I want. If you do the consumer reports research on a vacuum or a really nice camera it’s never the one that I want. Like when I do the research and they’re like, this is the one that lasts and is really great. That’s never the one that’s on sale for black Friday. You don’t have to do it at all. You can close your computer. You can not look at your phone. And you can spend $0 on black Friday.

And you can do it if you enjoy it, I’m not saying that it’s intrinsically bad. But I’m telling you guys that you guys keep telling me that you are stressed and overwhelmed. And you are the boss of you. You get to decide what you consume. Even what your eyeballs consume.

We have got to push back on the insane amount of information that’s being put in our eyeballs. And she’d be like, no, I will not look at my phone, I will not participate in that.

I don’t know what it is for you.

It won’t be mysterious to you, by the way, if you just think about, oh, what do I feel stressed about in November and December very quickly, it will come to you. And just make a list, just make a big list. And then I just want you to challenge every single one. Do I have to do that?

I, one of the things that I do, I’ll probably post a picture and you’ll see it. We have 25 to 30 advent books, Christmas timey books. And I wrap them up and we open them one. Each day for advent. And when you see that on Instagram, you’re going to be like, that’s amazing, but that is almost the only thing that I do.

I don’t do very much else. And I built that book collection over years. We started with all books from Goodwill including Clifford Go Sledding, for 99 cents. They weren’t these beautiful books but then every year I would buy a beautiful book. And so now we have some really beautiful books. And Clifford sledding is still in there.

So don’t look at something beautiful online and be like, oh, all the moms are doing the advent book thing. There’s so many things that I’m not doing.

I just do the things that I enjoy now. I love books and tea so I do those things.

We don’t do Christmas lights. We didn’t, when we lived in the suburbs and we certainly don’t know that we live in the country. We did not hand out Halloween candy when we lived in the suburbs and we certainly don’t know that we live in the country.

Like you just get to decide.

And this in just most loving way, but it’s just time to grow up. We all need to just grow up a little bit and stop acting like all of this stuff around us makes us do anything.

It doesn’t, we don’t have to buy things, we don’t have to participate, we can stay home, we can say no.

You are the boss of you. Your children want a mom who lives in peace.

Peace isn’t necessarily a feeling, it’s a state of being like being at peace with your choices.

I will be slightly annoyed the day that I wrapped the books, I’ll be like, ah, I have to wrap the books, not my favorite thing. But I will be at peace with doing it. I’ll be like, yeah, but we love it. I love it, I want to do it, I’m at peace with this decision.

Whereas when someone twists your arm to go to a holiday party or something.

Then it’s just, it’s really hard to have peace when we’re doing those things.

I just want you to give your family and yourself the gift of you being at peace with your decisions. I don’t know what you should do, we all have different preferences.

But just make a list and challenge everything on the list.

Because almost everything on the list Mary didn’t do, Mary didn’t put up Christmas lights.

Mary wasn’t shopping black Friday deals. She was prudent with her money. She probably paid attention to sales, but she probably also would have been like, yeah, I see the black Friday sales aren’t that great.

It’s all optional, my friends.

And if you want help with this. I want you to come join. The Catholic Mom Calm community. In November, I’m going to be preparing your hearts. I want to hold your heart, my friend. You’re going to tell me about your family. You’re gonna tell me about traveling. You’re going to tell me about holidays, presents all of it, decorations, feeling guilty, feeling jealous.

He really is one of my favorite things to coach on and there’s so much healing that happens in the coaching that we do about the holidays. And I just get so many messages that say this was the best holiday season we’ve ever had. Thank you so much for showing me. I didn’t have to do that, or I could stand up for myself or I could do it in this totally different way that I didn’t even see.

And so in November we really prepare our hearts. For the holidays, for relationships, for deciding what we want. And then in December we prepare our soul for the coming of Christ.

For walking in the darkness and knowing that Christ is coming, he is the light.

And so our holiday program spans two months. And we really knock out a lot of things like planning, relationship stuff in November, and then in December we just drop into this quiet place and we prepare our hearts in a really lovely advent way.

And, if you come, and participate in these programs, which don’t take very much time. And you can listen to them all in a podcast form while you’re doing other things. I promise you, you will have more peace, and that’s what you want. You don’t want to yell at your kids. You don’t want to feel anxious. You don’t want to feel alone. You don’t want to feel like, oh, it’s all on me the husband isn’t helping the kids aren’t helping.

What I teach and the work that we do together just cleans that up.

You don’t have to understand me, you just have to believe that it’s possible and come find out.

We have a 30 day money back guarantee. I always forget to say that, I forgot to say that, but just come if you don’t love it, if it doesn’t bring you more peace. Just email our team and say, It didn’t bring me more peace.

It’s risk-free. But, I want to get an email from you.

After Christmas, it says, thank you. That was the best, most calm, most peaceful, most enjoyable holiday season I’ve ever had.

And that’s a pretty powerful thing.

So go to catholicmomcalm.com click on community, and sign up.

We together, we’re going to have a peaceful holiday season. We are not going to make decisions from pressure or guilt.

Or not enoughness. We’re going to fill ourselves up. The love of Christ. And we are going to be the peace center of our homes. Let us model this for our children. I don’t want to raise girls. Who are crazy moms during the holiday season? I don’t want to raise boys who allow their wives to be crazy during the holiday seasons. I want to model for them what it looks like to be in this world, particularly to live in America, but to hold it out and say, you will not come into my home and my family, here we do peace. It doesn’t mean, we can’t go to zoo lights and do fun things, just check in with yourself and make sure that it really is what you want to do. Because you are the boss of you. All right my friends. Thank you so much for listening. And have a blessed day.