We all feel like bad moms sometimes. But really… who are the good moms if not us? Who comes to mind when you think of a good mom?
In this episode, I break down some ways we can think different about the kind of mom we are!
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Do you feel like a bad mom sometimes? Do you feel like a bad mom a lot of the time?
This is something that comes up often in our community, and it almost comes up accidentally. Like, a mom is telling me about something that struggling with, and then she just says it. She just says, I just feel like I’m such a bad mom. And often, the feeling with that is guilt. or sadness. Like, I just wanna be so good at this, but I’m not. And One thing I want all of us to ask ourselves is, who do you think the good moms are? If it’s not you, who do you think it is?
And oftentimes, we might even think of a mom in our life, either that we know very well or one that we see online. And once you ask yourself, Think of someone right now.
Why do you think she’s a good mom?
And I also want you to imagine if you swapped places with her. If her husband was your husband, and you had her kids, their ages, their temperaments, their interests, her house, how would you show up in that life? And I want you to imagine if she swapped places with you and had your husband and your kids in their temperaments. your house. How would she show up? One of the things that’s so interesting is, you know, brains, they’re just they’re very Audi. They’re very dramatic. And when they’re in this mode, when they’re in compare and despair mode, they don’t think very clearly. Right? And maybe if I had a child who goes to school and someone says something to them and they come home and they’re like, no one likes me.
I’m never gonna have any friends. And you, as a calm adult, know in your mind, it’s not true that no one likes them, and it’s not true that they will never have any friends. Okay? And yet when our brain says you’re such a bad mom, we just go it’s probably true, though. Right? Brain, it’s probably true or she’s such a good mom. We look over there, and we think she’s such a good mom. instead of floating outside of the moment and just looking and saying she has different life circumstances, And by the way, you probably don’t want them. Like, if I really offered you a trade and said, you’re gonna go have a husband with her person, his personality type, and those specific kids in that house. You probably don’t want that. And you know how I know? Because God didn’t make you for that life.
God made you for your life, and there may be some things that are different about her life, and there neither is better. I have a friend who lives, like, in a suburb. and she loves it, and I wouldn’t love that. I didn’t. We were like, we would like to be on some more land, and so she has different challenges with her kids because they have almost no backyard, and I have different challenges with my kids because we have so much space. But your brain never takes you down that reasonable logical line of thinking, it’s just like you’re a bad mom. You’re totally screwing up these kids. Those moms over there, they’re great.
That Instagram mom, she’s great. but I really want you to imagine swapping lives with whoever you’re perceiving to be a good mom. and it probably feels uncomfortable. You’re probably thinking, oh, I don’t really want to do that. You might even begin to look and see, actually, there’s some things I really like about my life. If you’re not one of the good moms, who are these good moms? And why does your brain think they’re good moms but you’re not. I just went to the park. We go to the park every Thursday, and there were maybe 8 Catholic moms there. And as I’m thinking about all of them, all of them are good moms. All of them fiercely love their kids. All of them are trying their hardest. All of them want to raise children who love the lord. and are good humans, even though we can’t all agree on what good humans means. And so maybe you’re just being a little hard on yourself. Maybe nothing needs to change except this thought I’m a bad mom. Because when you have this thought, it’s gonna show up in your results.
That’s what we teach here that your thinking creates the results in your life. And so if you are often thinking, I am a bad mom. That will feel so yucky in your body, some version of, like, shame or guilt or sadness. And from that feeling, you will show up in your life in a way that you don’t want to show up in a way that you’re not proud of. And then your result will be that your kind of air quotes a bad mom, and it’s not that we objectively will all look at your actions and say you’re being a bad mom, but you are being a bad mom compared to the mom that you want to be because of this thought. So it’s just coaching a mom.
She had four or five little children, two four year olds, one of them with special needs. Maybe 2 of them have special needs. It was a lot okay? Oldest was 7. And she’s talking to me about the chaos in her house. And I was like, yeah. That’s what it’s gonna be like. It’s gonna be chaotic. And she was surprised. Because so often, when I’m coaching people, we also talk about strategies or ways to create systems or parenting things, But I was like, no one with that age spread would be like, woah. This is fine. This is easy. It is objectively very difficult. Her life stage right now. And she was doing a wonderful job. She told me what she was doing, what she was reading, what she was trying with the kids, the work that she was doing through our program, to recognize when she was in a stressful state and to not make decisions from that place and to love herself more, I was so impressed with this mom.
But I could tell she was just feeling so bad because she thought that her house should have order or peace or quietness. And she said, the kids won’t listen to me. I said, 100%, none of our kids listen to us. That literally is our journey in parenting. It’s to teach them to listen to us. They don’t come out that way, though. Right? And 247, those h’s are still very young, And I said, of course, it’s chaotic. Of course, they’re not listening to you. Now are there ways that we can improve parenting and house systems? Absolutely. But she doesn’t need to do that to be a good mom. She already is a good mom. You are already a good mom. Just really sit with that. How does it feel in your body? Is your body feeling warm and loved? Like, yes. I am a good mom. Does that feel hopeful? Or is your brain rejecting it and saying, no. I’m really not. If she knew what it looked like in the circus, she would say, I’m not a good mom. And it’s fine either way, but let’s just be curious about it. Like, if it feels good to think that you’re a good mom, let’s keep doing it. If it doesn’t feel good, how can we think a thought that’s getting us closer? Like, sometimes I’m a good mom.
Can you believe that? I’m learning to be a good mom. Can you believe that? That’s what we teach in our program: these bridge thoughts that get us from where we are to what we want to believe. I believe you’re a good mom. But the reason why mantras don’t work. Right? in, like, other forms of self development, people talk about mantras and, like, looking in the mirror and saying some phrases over and over again. Right? But if you don’t believe it, it doesn’t work. You have to actually feel it in your body that you believe it. And so if your body feels scrunchy. There’s tension. Like, for me, it just feels like a square peg and a round hole like, like, that’s not quite right. That’s how I know what a thought that I’m practicing. I don’t really believe it yet. And so I don’t just keep saying that thought over and over again. I find one that’s close that I do believe. So what’s the best thing that you can think about yourself as a mom right now? And I want you to start practicing that.
Everyday this week, when you look in the mirror, I want you to look at yourself and say, I am a good mom. or I’m becoming a good mom or I am a good mom more than half the time. Right? Whatever that thought is that you can reach for that feels very true in your body. And I want you to see how that changes how you show up as a mom. because I know that your thoughts create your results. So I know that you will show up more like the mom that you want to be. Alright, my friends. If you wanna do this work with me and with other Catholic moms, I want you to come join us. Join us in our community. It is powerful, It will bring you hope.
It will get you unstuck. And I think that it leads you to who you truly are, who god meant you to be. Because god didn’t give you that other woman’s house and that other woman’s husband and the other woman’s lifestyle. He chose all of these things for you. He trusted you with all of those things. Said I know that you can handle this. I’m gonna trust this husband, this home, these kids to you. And this is how you are going to become a saint.
Isn’t that incredible? Isn’t that beautiful to think about? Alright, ladies. You are a good mom. I love you. And remember you were Made for Greatness.