The Questions We Ask Matter

Or what if I chose the wrong career path? A lot of these types of questions are, you know, like, what if I made the wrong choice? It’s something around that. And it’s oftentimes in reflecting on choices or decisions that were made in the past. And although it’s only natural for us to sometimes wonder, especially as we get older, did I make a mistake? Did I choose the wrong path to take? We start to doubt and we start to question. And yet I just wanna run through some of these scenarios and really look at the power of these questions and the power of our thoughts. Our brains in a lot of ways are like Siri. I like to think of it as like Siri or Alexa or whatever. When we ask Siri a question like, Hey Siri, find me the closest restaurants to my house.

And of course Siri is gonna look up the restaurants and a list is gonna pop up, it’s gonna go searching for the answer to that question. Now, as we know, Siri doesn’t have opinions about what restaurants we should go to, it just tells us what we’re looking for. And in a way, sometimes our brains can be very similar. It will, you know, when we pose a question or we have a thought, our brain just goes and starts looking for the answer. Or it looks, it goes looking for the proof of why the thought we are thinking is true or why the question might be true. That we are asking it’s processes to

Just look for answers and not necessarily to give us opinions or to even try to choose answers that may serve us the best. Now, I wanna share an example with you. This actually happened to me this past weekend where my brain just started working and looking for proof for the thoughts that I was thinking. So this is it. I’m gonna lay it out. Last week was a really busy week for me and had a lot of different things going on. And then we had our Idaho Catholic Youth Conference coming up this past weekend and our parish, we were taking a group of about 40 teenagers in chaperones. And I was busy working on getting all of that lined up and getting kids ready for that and sending emails to parents and permission slips and all of it, all of the things. And not only that, but we had a couple of our own children, our own teenagers going to the conference, but four of them were staying home.

So we had to line up arrangements with my mother-in-law to come watch them. And so we were scrambling to get our house clean and bags packed for seven kids and laundry and all of it, right? You know, you’re a mom, you get it. And it was just all of the things. And by that point, by the time it was like Friday rolled around, I was exhausted. I had coaching calls all morning and then I was switching into gears trying to get everything lined up for the kids for the weekend, you know, all of the final stuff. And then I started driving out to where the conference was gonna be taking place at this big conference convention center. And as I was driving, I was dreading the weekend . Is it okay to say that? I know it’s like sometimes we wanna just act like, yeah, we’re so excited.

But I honestly, like, I was dreading it. I was exhausted mentally, physically. And I remember asking myself, why, why am I doing this? Why did I agree to sign up for this? I don’t wanna do this. I just wanna go home, climb into bed and just relax. But instead, my brain, I was like, oh my gosh, it’s gonna be long and exhausting and tiring. And you know, I’m kind of a natural introvert. So big weekends with lots and lots of people can just drain me. And the first half of my drive, I was just thinking to myself, I don’t want to do this. I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna do this. And guess what? My brain just was starting to give me all the proof of why this was true, why I didn’t wanna do this. And it was giving me those examples like, yes, you always get drained at these events and it’s exhausting and tiring and you haven’t been feeling good.

And my brain just started going to all of the negative reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this and why I didn’t wanna do it. And it was amazing to me. I was flooded with all of these reasons why I didn’t wanna go. And honestly, they were legitimate reasons. They all were true to some degree. Yes, it was true. I was exhausted. Yes, it was true that crowds drained me. Yes, it was true that I had had a long week and wasn’t feeling great. All of it was true. But all of those thoughts and my brain just looking for all of the proof, for all of the truth of all of it was making me feel even more anxious. It was creating so much more dread and I was driving out just all the more thinking, no, no, no, I don’t wanna do this. And yet, thankfully I understand what my brain was doing.

I understand the tools that we have been given that we teach in masters that we talk about all the time on this podcast. And I knew as I was driving what kind of weekend I was setting myself up for, I knew it. And I knew that if I continued down this path of thinking these thoughts and allowing my brain to try to look for all of the proof of why I didn’t wanna be there and why I shouldn’t go, then it was just gonna come up with more and more proof and I was gonna continue to film more and more miserable. And so I said to myself, these thoughts, these aren’t, they’re not gonna serve me and thank you brain for just doing what you do, which is just trying to find the proof. But this isn’t gonna help me to feel better. And so I instantly just took control of my thoughts, the anxiety that they were producing, the dread they were producing.

I knew I did not wanna go into the weekend filling this because I knew what results it would create for me. If I continue to think these thoughts, I will have a miserable weekend. I know that. And so I started to think about, okay, like I literally asked my brain, what if this could be a really great weekend? And it’s just like asking Siri the same question. Tell me why this might be a good weekend. And the brain just starts looking for the answers and starts to provide them. And so, and the same drive in the same car, in the same way that I was heading to this convention center, my brain started to open me up to the possibilities. Well, Lorissa, at these conferences, you’re gonna see a lot of people that you don’t get to see normally, people that you love and that you care about.

And you’re gonna be around your group from your parish, all of these teens that you just love and think the world of. And your kids are gonna be there. They’re gonna probably have a great experience. You’re gonna hear powerful talks and speakers. You’re gonna have opportunities to spend time in prayer and adoration. And my brain just started to go to work for me finding all of the proof of why it could very well be an amazing weekend. And as my brain started pulling up all of the proof of why this might be true, guess what happened? The dread started to fade away. The anxiety started to calm down. I started to breathe a little bit lighter and my heart started to feel excited about the boat, what was gonna happen this weekend? And as all of this started to happen, I started to imagine having an amazing weekend, seeing people that I love hearing God speak to me in ways, being refreshed by his grace and knowing that if I allowed myself to be open to his miracles, that for sure I would see them.

And so as I was getting closer and closer to the convention center, I just opened my heart in prayer and I was like, God, I don’t know why you have me here in this spot this weekend leading this group, taking this group, but I trust in you. I trust that you have me here for a reason, for a purpose. And I am excited to see what unfolds. And this is my prayer. Lord, I pray, oh Lord, that you would reveal to me the things you wanna reveal. I pray that you would bless me in the ways that you wanna bless me. And I also ask you to help me be open to being a blessing to others.

And as I prayed this prayer, I just felt this peace flood my heart. I felt God’s presence enter into me. I felt an openness and excitement. And as I drove into the parking lot and got out of my car, pulled my bags out of the car, I started walking in knowing that I was going to have an amazing weekend knowing it, feeling 100% certainty that God would move and work and breathe and reveal himself to me and to the teens and to everyone at this event, event. And that I would be able to witness extraordinary acts of God. And I couldn’t wait to be a part of it. And this is what happened to me. I had a great weekend. I gotta see people that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I had some amazing conversations. I got to minister to teens in a powerful way.

I had some people come up to me that were really struggling and, and we got to step aside and I got to hold space for them. I asked questions, I let them speak. And I believe that God used me as an instrument for a few of those people, even in a way of allowing me to participate in some healing that he wanted to bring into their lives. And let me tell you, I wouldn’t have traded this weekend for anything. It was a blessing. I got to experience being a blessing. But more than that, receiving blessings 10 a hundred fold. And this is the reality. If I would’ve stayed in the mindset, in the belief that I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna be here, I’m exhausted, I’m tired and feeling dread, then for sure my weekend would have been miserable. My thoughts would’ve been miserable, my experiences, my interactions, all of it, my energy levels, I would’ve had a miserable experience, one that I would have created with my thoughts.

My thoughts would’ve led to my emotions, which would’ve led to how I showed up and my actions. And it would have created that experience. And in the same way, being open and excited led me to that. So this is the power of our thoughts and the power of what we’re setting ourselves up for. And so many of the things that we set ourselves up for can happen in the form of questions. So I mentioned at the beginning of this episode that sometimes people will ask questions like, what if I married the wrong man? And I know that as we go through marriage, all of us at moments, especially in those really difficult moments in marriage, we think, did I marry the wrong person? But when I have clients or when I have friends that share this question with me, one of the first things I ask them is, are you wanting to get divorced?

Are you wanting to set yourself up for a marriage that is terrible? And of course their answer is like, no, no, I, I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want a terrible message, but I’m just in this painful place and I’m asking myself this question. And I wanted us to help us to understand when we ask ourselves questions like that, our brain is going to instantly go and look for all of the proof of why that question might be true. So if we think to ourselves, what if I married the wrong man? Then our brain is gonna come up with all of the answers of why we might have married the wrong man and we’re gonna find all of his flaws and all of his inadequacies and all of the things he’s ever done wrong. And it’s gonna bring all those memories and all of those actions and all of the things to the surface where our brain can just sit and analyze them over and over.

And guess what? It’s just gonna create more doubt and more proof of why that might be true. It’s a question that in no way serves us, especially if we wanna have a good marriage. And if we want to grow in our marriage and we want to improve our marriage, that question never is beneficial. In the same way, if we’ve been in a career for years and all of a sudden we’re starting to wonder or question or have regrets, did I make a mistake? Did I choose the wrong path? Did I get the wrong degree? Well, we can’t go back in time. And so that question only might, it only brings up all of the reasons why that might be true. And it just makes us feel worse. Now with a question like that, when it comes to a career or it comes to a decision that we possibly could change, that, we certainly could look at it and say, Hey, I’ve been doing this career, I’ve been working in this job for so many years and I’ve learned a lot of things and I’ve grown a lot, but maybe just, maybe God might be planting some new dreams on my heart and maybe I should start discerning and praying about what that might look like.

That’s a totally different perspective to start considering when we’re, when we’re discerning something. But if it comes to a question that has to do with the past where we cannot change the past, then those questions really don’t serve us. We need to find better questions. And the questions that we ask can be really, really powerful questions. Like, what if I’m a terrible mother? That’s just a terrible question to ask. Your brain will go and look for all of the proof of why that’s true. And let me tell you, it might find some real legitimate truth of why that’s true. But that question never serves us. A better question might be this, how am I a really good mother? Let your brain go. Looking for proof for that. Or maybe even what have I learned in the last few years about being a mother? What have I learned? How have I grown? Or what areas of my motherhood do I wanna focus on improving in the coming year? How do I want to grow in my relationship with my children as they’re growing? When we start asking those types of questions, it’s really powerful to see what our brain

Comes up with. Our brain will come up with the most magnificent answers that will actually serve us and help us to be better When we focus on our flaws or our, or our weaknesses without the intent of actually learning how to be better, then we’re just setting ourselves up to feel terrible and miserable and to focus on the ways we fall short. And when we do that, we just get more of that. So let’s start being really intentional with our thoughts when it comes to our husbands and our marriages. We could be asking questions like this, what if I married the perfect man for me? Ask yourself that question and let’s see what your brain comes up with. Because when I ask my clients this question and I sit with them for a few minutes, it’s amazing the answers that they come up with.

And if we sat there for an entire hour, we would just come up with probably hundreds of reasons why they married just the right man for them. And when we start asking questions about what do I need to do to have a better marriage? Look and see what kind of answers your brain comes up with. Lately I’ve been asking myself, what could I do that would make my husband feel so insanely loved and cared about? And all of a sudden my brain starts coming up with all of these really cool things that I can do. And when I start to do them, it is so much fun and it’s helping to take our relationship to the next level. And so these are the things I wanna invite you to think about right now. What are the questions you are asking? What are the thoughts that you are focusing on?

And what ways can you put those thoughts and those questions to work for you? Questions that will get you results that you really want in your life that will help you create experiences and memories and moments that are absolutely magical and amazing. When you ask yourself this question, how can I be a blessing today? Your brain is gonna come up with a lot of answers. And when you start your day thinking to yourself, I can’t wait to be a blessing to the people that God puts in my life today, oh my gosh, it changes everything. It changes your perspective, it changes your outlook, it changes the way you act, the way you feel. And you start paying attention to these moments where you get to be a blessing to people in their lives, to your husband, to your children, to the cashier at the grocery store, to a good friend that maybe is going through a difficult time.

All of it, when you start to see yourself as a blessing, you show up differently. So let’s start getting really intentional about the thoughts we’re thinking, the questions we’re asking, and the proof that we’re looking for. Cuz either way, whatever we ask our brain is gonna find us proof for. And so why not ask for proof for the ways our lives are blessed, for the ways that our husbands are amazing, for the ways that our children are a blessing in our own lives. Let’s start looking for all of those things. When we start looking for it, when we start asking questions, when we start opening our eyes to possibilities, we start to find all of it. And it really is incredible. And with that, my sisters’ in Christ. I hope you have a great day, a great week ahead. We are in this together and I want to invite you to join us in Masters for more of this type of goodness. We are creating the lives that we are living, we’re creating it, and it starts with our thoughts. It starts with our prayers. It starts with our openness to what God is doing. When we create a mindset that is open to all of those things, we start to create a life that is beyond our imagination. It’s a life where God plants dreams in our hearts and we see a vision for what’s possible, and we get to actually step into that. And remember, mama, you are not made for comfort. You are Made for Greatness.