And it’s not just teenagers, it’s children, it’s adults, it’s all of us at times struggle with this. And I think especially in regards to social media and the internet and all of those things, it makes sense as to why more and more young people, especially really are struggling with their self-worth and their self-esteem. And so that’s why I wanna talk about today as mothers, as parents, what can we do to help our children, our teens, even maybe our young adults have a healthy self-esteem, a healthy understanding of their self-worth and dignity. I believe the more intentional we are in regards to this and the more equipped we feel, the more we will be able to help them. And so that’s what I hope you will get out of this episode today. So first of all, let’s just look at the definitions of self-esteem and self-worth.

Self-Worth is the internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging from others. So it’s a sense of being good enough, being worthy of love, belonging in some way. And then self-esteem means having confidence in one’s own worth or abilities. So again, so very similar definitions, but self-esteem is believing in yourself, having self-confidence, believing that you’re good at something, believing that you’re worthy. And then obviously self-worth is feeling that you are worthy of love, worthy of belonging. And more and more often we see young people, even in a world of social media where everybody’s so connected, oftentimes feeling so alone. I’ve spoken to so many teenagers who say that they just don’t fit in, they don’t belong. And of course, that’s gonna affect their self-esteem and their self-worth. I’ve also talked to many teens over the years who feel like they don’t really have gifts or talents, or even if they do have some gifts or talents that they recognize in themselves, they don’t believe that other people see those gifts and talents.

Our young people today really longing for somebody to recognize their worth, recognize that they have something valuable to contribute, that their life matters, that their life has purpose and meaning, and that there’s a plan for their life. There’s a reason why they are here, and that their gifts, their talents, their presence in this world, their joy, all of it is a gift. And that they too can see themselves as a gift. So what can we do as parents to help them in this area? How can we help them to recognize themselves as an extraordinary gift from God? So the first thing I wanna talk about is our use of praise and recognition in the lives of our children. Now, first of all, it’s always really important, obviously, to praise and recognize our children. And it’s also really easy to praise them when they’re doing good.

So maybe whether it’s that they’re doing well in school, getting good grades excelling in certain areas academically, of course it’s great and it’s good and important to praise them, but it’s also very easy to do that maybe when they’re playing sports or athletically maybe, you know, they have these gifts and it’s, it’s very easy to recognize those gifts and to see them, to praise them, all of that. So good. And then of course, maybe when they’re doing things around the house, helping out, picking things up, doing what they’ve been asked to do, we definitely wanna praise and recognize them in those moments. But this is the thing we also wanna be intentional about acknowledging and recognizing the good in them when it’s not associated with something that they’ve done well. And this is the reason why we don’t want our children’s self-worth and self-esteem tied to the things that they do well or when their behavior is good.

Because as we know, we’re human beings and sometimes we’re gonna fail, sometimes we’re gonna make mistakes, sometimes we’re not always gonna be good. And so in those moments, we don’t want our children to think like, oh my goodness, maybe because I’m not as successful in a certain area, or maybe I’m struggling in a subject at school, or maybe I didn’t get a part in the play, or maybe I tried out for the sports team and I didn’t make it. We don’t want them to all of a sudden feel like now because they didn’t make a team or they didn’t make a grade or they didn’t get accepted into some particular group that they are somehow less than or that they don’t matter as much, or that they don’t have as much worth. And so how can we help them recognize that they do have worth and value when it’s not tied to particular behaviors or to accomplishments?

And so again, it’s okay and it’s good to recognize and affirm them when they do things well, but it’s also important to affirm them for who they are, not just for what they do well. And so how can we do this as parents? Again, it’s about being intentional and it’s about thinking about these things. And so it’s oftentimes about recognizing them as a person and helping them to know how much of a gift from God that they are. So for me, an example, one of the things that I try to do, particularly when I’m tucking them into bed at night, is I bless them and then I will try to say something to them, something like, I love being your mother, or I’m so proud of the girl or the boy that you are, or something to the effect of, you are such a gift from God.

I’m so grateful that God brought you into our family. Things like that. Things that just help them to know that just who they are is such a gift, that their value and worth is inherent in their being. And the fact that they were created by God and brought into this world and that they’re very presence is what is a gift, not just the things that they do Well. And this is one of the reasons why Sterling and I created the Catholic Moms Encourage bundle, which if you haven’t gotten it, it’s on our website. It’s a totally free resource of little affirmation cards that you can print off and give to your kids, your teenagers along with a hundred encouraging phrases. And I wanna share some of those phrases with you. Again, a few more things that we as moms can practice saying to our children at random times when we maybe in the morning or in the middle of the afternoon, or maybe we text them a message in the daytime, tucking them into bed at night, just continuing to practice these phrases over and over so that our kids become so familiar with them and that they start to believe them inherently about themselves.

So again, phrases like I believe in you, you make me smile. You are really brave. I will always love you. There’s nothing you could ever do that can make me not love you. The world needs you. God has incredible plans for your life. I’m so grateful for you and the gift that you are, you bring me. Joy, I appreciate you.

You have such a kind heart. I see Christ’s light shining through you again. So many of these little phrases that we can just help them to remember that Christ’s light dwells in them, that God made them for a purpose, a plan that their presence brings joy to your heart and to so many other people’s lives. And so just continuing to have those types of phrases really becomes a huge blessing in helping them to recognize and build their sense of self worth. Remember, every single one of us is 100% worthy because we were made in the image and likeness of God. Doesn’t matter what gifts or talents we have, it doesn’t matter what value we bring into this world based on what we’re capable of doing or not doing. Our value is intrinsically in us because we are created by God, we are 100% worthy. And so the more we can help remind our children of this truth, the more it’s ingrained in them, the more they just hear those types of things and are reminded of that, the better it will be for them in helping them to develop that strong sense of self-worth.

Another thing that we can do, and this one is so easy, but it’s simply to recognize and acknowledge their presence when you see them. So what I mean by that is, for example, in the mornings, maybe I’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast or making the lunches and one of my kids wakes up and comes walking into the kitchen and they’re tired and maybe they’re just groggy, but I see them in the morning and I say, good morning Joshua. I’m so happy to see you. Oftentimes in our day to day lives, it’s so easy to go about our day without really taking the time to look up and to acknowledge each other. And it just says good morning to say hello. Maybe when the kids come home after school or they come home from an activity, just recognize them when they walk through that door, say their name, look up, smile, greet them, maybe give them a high five or a hug and just ask them how their day is.

When we do this, even on a subconscious level, they not only feel loved, but they believe deep down that they matter, that their mom sees them, that their presence is important and significant, and that somebody cares about them just for who they are. Another thing that we can do to help our children build their self-esteem is to give them responsibilities. Give them opportunities to serve, give them opportunities to use their gifts and talents in a way that helps make an impact in the lives of others. So even from, you know, the earliest of ages when children are given a task or a responsibility, it makes them feel really good. They feel a sense of contribution, they feel a sense that you believe in them, that you believe that they’re capable of doing things. And then they also get to experience the great pride and joy that comes from completing a task or having a sense of accomplishment, a sense of seeing that they’ve been able to do something that has helped somebody else or has been able to make a difference in the life of someone else. And truly as they get older, this is why taking our children and doing service projects activities, maybe even going on mission trips and things like that are so significant and so good for their own self-esteem because they get to see firsthand the gift of themselves and being able to, to show up in a way where their life can become a blessing in the lives of others. There was many years

A number of years ago, every few weeks my family and I would go to a local soup kitchen and serve dinner and then we would clean up afterwards. And it was so incredibly beneficial for our children. It was a really powerful experience for them to be able to feel like they were making a difference, that they were helping, that they were serving, that they got to see the impact of their presence and their work. And oftentimes, you know, some of my children at that time were 5, 6, 7 years old. And just to see the joy that they brought to the men and women that were coming to the soup kitchen, and I know that those times serving there really did help their self-esteem. It helped them feel like they were making a difference. The more we give our children responsibilities and tasks, the more opportunities we give them to try new things.

Maybe they make mistakes, maybe they learn some things, but oftentimes it gives them opportunities to shine, to feel really proud of themselves, to see what a gift they are in our home. Our children all have their designated chores that’s expected of them, but I’m always looking for ways to give them other responsibilities that will help boost their self-confidence. For example, my teenagers are responsible for setting up their own doctor’s appointments and dentist appointments. They’re responsible for putting gas in their car and getting their car washed and doing the basic maintenance on their vehicle. They’re also responsible for helping to make dinners and meals and breakfast. In fact, my children are so much better at making breakfast than I am. They can do scrambled eggs and pancakes and all of it. And it’s amazing. They do such a great job. The other night I had a couple coaching calls and my husband was gonna be working late.

And so I called my three teenage boys on the way home from school and I said to them, Hey, you guys, I’m gonna be tied up for the next few hours. Can you take care of dinner? And they said, yes, of course we can do that. And so they went to the store, they got everything they needed and they came home and they made dinner and it was amazing. They made steak and homemade mac and cheese and a couple other things, and it was delicious. It was amazing. Now, this is something that they’ve made a number of times before, so it’s kind of their favorite thing to make when I ask them to help out. But it gives them a chance to feel like they’re helping out and contributing to their family, especially when their mom needs their help. And again, it’s these types of things that just make them feel good about themselves.

Like, look at what we just did. And not only will the skills that they learn and being given those types of responsibilities benefit them as they grow up and and move into adulthood, but all of those opportunities of building their self-esteem, building their self-confidence, recognizing that they can make meals or clean the house or change headlights on a car, all of those types of things are really good for building their self-esteem. And finally, I have one more thing that I wanna share with you about what we can do as mothers to help our children in this department. And this is probably the most important one, and it’s really directed at us. What are we doing as our children’s mothers to work on building our own self-esteem, our own self worth? Because as we know, our children are sponges. They’re constantly watching us and learning from us and picking up on things even more than we realize.

And so this is the question. If we want our children to have high levels of self-esteem and self-worth, then we have to be modeling that for them as well in our lives. We want them to see us as women who believe in our own self-worth, that we see our dignity and our value, that we see ourselves as precious daughters of the king, and that we know that our worth and our value comes from him first and foremost, and that our lives matter. And so how do we model this? We can model this in the way we talk to ourselves by being women who speak kindly to ourselves and lovingly to ourselves. It can show up when we make mistakes. And instead of beating ourselves up and being highly critical of ourselves, we can just pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off, and show compassion and again, love to ourselves. This is a powerful way to model our own self-worth. We can show our own children that we see our gifts and our own talents, and we recognize them within ourselves, and that we’re excited to use those gifts and talents to make this world a better place or to share those gifts and talents with others. We can also model our self worth for our children by truly taking care of ourselves,

By making ourselves a priority, by taking care of our basic needs, and really showing our children what it looks like to truly love and to honor ourselves. So these are the things that we talk a lot about in Masters. How are we as Catholic women striving to be these examples for our children? And again, when we work on these things, when we build our own self-worth, our own self-esteem, when we show up as women who truly love ourselves, it will make such an impact on them. They will pick up on that. They will see that they will model it. They will feel it within themselves, their own worth, their own dignity, their own value, because they see it in us. And this is why I believe the work that we do on ourselves is so significantly important. So often the women that I coach say that they feel guilty or selfish for taking time to work on themselves, for really taking the time to love and to honor themselves because they feel like it might take away from focusing on others or focusing on their children or their families.

But this is the thing, when we put ourselves first, when we love and honor ourselves, when we make ourselves a priority, we build our self-confidence, we show up differently, we feel better about ourselves, we have more energy, we’re able to pour more into our children. So in fact, it’s not selfish. It’s actually significantly important for us to make that shift in our minds that by putting ourselves first, we are actually modeling for our children what it looks like for them to see their own value and to know that they’re important enough in their lives, that as they get older, that they’ll be able to put themselves first and then they’ll be able to take care of the people in their lives better because of it. So my sisters in Christ, this is the work that we’re called to do as mothers, to be very intentional and to be thinking about these things because we know that the things that we think about, the things that we focus on are going to lead us to the results that we get in our lives.

And so, again, I wanna invite you, if you are not yet in Masters, come and check it out for just a dollar. You can come and have access to everything within our membership for an entire week. You can watch the videos, download workbooks, print off Bible studies, all the stuff that’s in there. And this is a big part of what we’re doing because when we show up as the women that God is calling us to be, when we show up with that self-confidence, the self belief, when we have good and loving and compassionate thoughts about ourselves, man, it changes everything. And not only does it make our own lives more joyful and more peaceful, but it also helps our children to see that they can have that kind of life for themselves when they believe in themselves, when their self-confidence grows. It’s all so, so important.

And so my sisters in Christ, this is the work that we have before us to be helping our children know their value, their inherent dignity and worth, to help them to know how much God loves them, how he delights in them, how we delight in them, and how we see so much goodness in them. And then to also do the same things for ourselves. We need to celebrate our goodness. We need to delight in who we are and in who God made us to be. Because remember my friend, we are Made for Greatness. I hope you have a great day and I’ll talk to you soon. God bless.